peacetool Posted February 18, 2003 Share Posted February 18, 2003 Hi there people of this forum... I am a new user here. Well, I have no one to turn to when facing this problem. I have been staying with my girlfriend for almost a year, but everything has changed since I did something stupid to her. The stupid thing that I did is that, I 'yelled' at her...which is not my normal attitude. I Promise her a lot of time that I will never yell at her anymore..but problems keep on coming and I yelled(the worst) at her for the fourth time and I hope the last. Until now I never yelled at her. But she changed a lot. She used to call me 'dear'. She use to say 'I love u' or 'I miss u'. Now, everything seems to be lost. She said that she's afraid of me of yelling at her in the future. I told her I am not perfect and I'll try to control my anger whenever we are in an argument. So far, I never yelled until now at her but she shown her changes. I even talk to her gently...as gently as I can be... But she is still uncertained of herself, her love...and she told me that, she wont gonna get married to someone like me. I'm still keeping my faith, hope and love to her...but she kept showing her abnormal attitude. Well, she do not have any contact with any guy...not as I know. I ask her whether she love me...she got angry and ask me not to ask such questions over n over again. She never answered. Whats the problem here? is it me or is it this girl? Help me... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 18, 2003 Share Posted February 18, 2003 Your girlfriend's attitude and behavior is not unusual under the circumstances. Words shouted in the midst of anger, if only in a few seconds, can never be taken back and can affect a relationship for a lifetime. Temper tantrums, especially sudden, surprising and out of characters ones, can be extremely frightening and unsettling to a partner. A relationship can be totally destroyed with one such outburst and it happens often. You cannot talk your way out of this one. You can only apologize, which you have already done, standby, and wait to see if she can forgive and forget this incident. For many, however, such uncharacteristic outbursts of anger cannot be forgotten and their impact is often fatal to the relationship. It's now in her hands. Back off, be kind, be patient, and see what happens. However, if you don't notice a change in her within a reasonable amount of time, pick up the pieces and move on. Some lessons are very difficult to learn. At the same time, you might seek counselling to discover what underlying suppressed anger exists in you that caused your sudden and unanticipated outburst of anger. This usually indicates some unresolve subconscious issues from the past completely unrelated to the incident during which the outburst occurred. Good luck. Do not continue to harrass your lady regarding this issue. This was traumatic for her and she needs time to sift through her feelings without your interference. Link to post Share on other sites
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