Flakes

[fray718]

Just curious, are you two exclusive or bf/gf after these 4 months?

 

If not, that may be a reason....

[JeanQueen]

Just curious, are you two exclusive or bf/gf after these 4 months?

 

If not, that may be a reason....

 

Yes, we were exclusive. There was no one else on either side. We had that talk pretty quickly where we both said we were only interested in seeing each other. We didn't use the word B/F or G/F yet but it was clear to everyone involved that we were "an item" and definitly close to calling each other this.

 

He even drunkly talked about loving me like 10 days ago. And took me to his friends wedding about 3 hours away, where we stayed the night 2 weeks ago.

 

OK, obviously he has some sort of mental issue and I just can't deal with that. I will just keep reminding myself that I dodged a bullet on this one.

[Freedom Now]

Yep, keep telling yourself that.

 

Mine has mental health issues, too.

 

And that makes him totally unpredictable. There is nothing you can do.

 

Just understand that this has nothing to do with you.

 

Peace.

[daphne]

Please don't call him again. You're pushing him away when you call and he hasn't reciprocated. You may think that this will show that you're still open to him, but it has a negative effect of appearing needy.

 

That being said, I think you dodged a bullet. The guy has warts. And he's taking you for granted. Do you really want to have to deal with that? There's a whole host of problems that you could get from the guy. Go find someone that's worth your time and can't cause sterility or cancer. It sounds a little like you were dating him because you felt sorry for him in a certain way. Maybe you felt like he'd appreciate you more since he has problems that most women would probably not want to deal with? Well, he's proven that wrong so find one with fewer problems.

[JeanQueen]

Please don't call him again. You're pushing him away when you call and he hasn't reciprocated. You may think that this will show that you're still open to him, but it has a negative effect of appearing needy.

 

That being said, I think you dodged a bullet. The guy has warts. And he's taking you for granted. Do you really want to have to deal with that? There's a whole host of problems that you could get from the guy. Go find someone that's worth your time and can't cause sterility or cancer. It sounds a little like you were dating him because you felt sorry for him in a certain way. Maybe you felt like he'd appreciate you more since he has problems that most women would probably not want to deal with? Well, he's proven that wrong so find one with fewer problems.

 

Thans for your reply Daphne, though dating him because I felt I was better than him was definitly not on my mind. I'm not that kind of person.

 

He told me about the warts around 1.5 months into the relationship, so I was already pretty into him and thought I'd continue to see where it went since everything had been great so far. He doesn't have visible one's and hasn't had any for about 2 years.

 

Also, the warts form of HPV does not cause cancer or sterility. Also, around 70% of sexually active people have some form of HPV, so good luck finding someone who doesn't have it.

 

Anyway, I haven't called him since Sunday and only called him 3 times over the span of a week, so I don't really feel as though I was bombarding him with calls or pushing him away...just showing concern like I would with any friend. I'm not "open" to him anymore so this is not what I was trying to show.

 

It's over now anyway, so I guess I'm on to the next challenge

[daphne]

Also, around 70% of sexually active people have some form of HPV, so good luck finding someone who doesn't have it.

 

Actually, this is the percentage of people that are liable to get it by the time they're 50. That doesn't mean that most people are walking around with it right now.

[Trialbyfire]

Why do I do this to myself?

 

While a little buzzed tonight I just drove past the bar that he goes to almost every Suday night just to see if he was there. He wasn't. So I, being the stalker that I am, drove past his house (it's only a few blockes form the bar) to see if he was there. Well, his car was in the driveway and his bedroom light was on. What the hell? I just wish I knew what he was thinking and what I did to turn him off after 4 months of near perfect times together

 

I wish I hadn't done this. Now it just puts more questions in my mind.

I will agree that you are doing this to yourself. If someone falls off the face of this earth, who knows what their problems are and in some ways, who cares? Many times people like this don't even know why they flake out so what makes you think they can explain it to you?

 

I'm not beating you up over this but I'm going to suggest that the only control you have is over your own set of behaviours. The way to get better is to move on, especially if they don't have the maturity to sever the relationship in an adult manner.

[JeanQueen]

I'm not beating you up over this but I'm going to suggest that the only control you have is over your own set of behaviours. The way to get better is to move on, especially if they don't have the maturity to sever the relationship in an adult manner.

 

Exactly. Which is why I haven't attempted to contact him again. But, I still have the right to be pissed and vent about it on LS don't I?

[Hitman10000]

This isn't "mental issues" or anything, some people do this with people who they aren't "that interested." It's pretty obvious that they're not interested in you that much.

[JeanQueen]

Thanks Hitman. Your insight is so helpful. It's almost as if no one has said that before

 

Next you'll tell me to read "He's Just Not That Into You", right?

[Trialbyfire]

Exactly. Which is why I haven't attempted to contact him again. But, I still have the right to be pissed and vent about it on LS don't I?

Hahaha...if that's all you're doing is venting, then let it all hang out.

 

I thought you were looking for advice and opinions so I expressed mine.

[JeanQueen]

No no TBF, I appreciate all incite on the subject. It just doesn't help when people say the same damn thing over and over again like "Oh well, he wasn't worth your time and he obviously wasn't that into you". I've heard all that and it makes me feel like a worthless pile of crap.

 

I don't buy the "he wasn't that into you" excuse. People need to man up and be able to express it when they need to end a relationship...for whatever the reason. I would think people know they aren't into you before 4 months of exclusive dating, and if not, be able to let you know if things aren't working out. This is something I might expect after a few dates. But, not months after the fact. That's what makes me thing he went off the deep end. I'm not making excuses, I just refuse to believe that he woke up the day after a nice evening with me and said to himself "Yeah, I don't really like JeanQueen, I don't think I'll ever talk to her again". It just doesn't seem realistic, there has to be an extenuating circumstance.

 

What I want is to be able to vent the frustration and learn ways to avoid allowing this to happen in the future...though I know there isn't much I can do to stop it from happening. People are so messed up and depressed around here. I need to get out of Northern Minnesota!!

[lino]

No no TBF, I appreciate all incite on the subject. It just doesn't help when people say the same damn thing over and over again like "Oh well, he wasn't worth your time and he obviously wasn't that into you". I've heard all that and it makes me feel like a worthless pile of crap.

 

I don't buy the "he wasn't that into you" excuse. People need to man up and be able to express it when they need to end a relationship...for whatever the reason. I would think people know they aren't into you before 4 months of exclusive dating, and if not, be able to let you know if things aren't working out. This is something I might expect after a few dates. But, not months after the fact. That's what makes me thing he went off the deep end. I'm not making excuses, I just refuse to believe that he woke up the day after a nice evening with me and said to himself "Yeah, I don't really like JeanQueen, I don't think I'll ever talk to her again". It just doesn't seem realistic, there has to be an extenuating circumstance.

 

What I want is to be able to vent the frustration and learn ways to avoid allowing this to happen in the future...though I know there isn't much I can do to stop it from happening. People are so messed up and depressed around here. I need to get out of Northern Minnesota!!

 

I agree with all you've written here, except the Northern Minnesota stuff as I'm from Australia

I understand how you probably feel because this sort of thing has happened to me a few times. Though I've never made 4 months like you the longest I ever went out with a girl was 3 months

I too cannot understand how someone can just turn off their boy/girl friend, who's done nothing wrong to them, so quickly after being with them for several weeks/months ?!?! I could never see myself doing that, I'd know much sooner if I wasn't interested in them. It wouldn't take me weeks or months to see that.

Sorry, this probably isn't much help to you but I felt like putting in my bit