nasdxxx Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 Hey, Am new gal in here. I have this friend i grew up with. We were best friends, lived in same neighbourhood, went to school together and always walked to school together. Both our families thought were dating in high school, but we werent. we were just as close. Later i left for college and went to the city where we met after three years and continued to be friends. then he left the country for further studies and we kept in touch always talking about both our different relationships and advising eachother. He knew who i was dating and i did the same. He always casually commented that i was meant to be his babe but that i was living in denial of my feelings for him, which i never took serious given that we both had other reltionships. A month agao, he came back to for a six weks holiday and we hit off the town as we had always done in the past, partying, going to movies and having fun.Around this time i could notice a change in him. He seemed to like me in a different way but i ignored it. All the pals we were hunging out with, inculding my close friends and his family, kept saying, they could see a lot of attracion between us and he always nodded, until one day after watching a movie at the coinema we were forced to talk about what was going on silently between us. the invisible attraction. We both confessed to having strong feelings for eachother and indeed the connection and tensity could be felt. During this time, we kissed and hugged, but nothing more, and ther was afeeling of us having dated for long. the comfort we had with eachother was enormous, which my guy bestfriend kept telling me would never go away. Problem: I have just gotten out of my relationship with someone. Yes i have been working on that since march. My guy bestfriend sort fo broke up with his girlfriend before he came back to the country, but she is seven months pregnant. He went back two weeks ago, to finish his degree, and insists he hasnt met her, and would like to take responsibilty of the baby without having to get back with the gal. He hasnt met her since he returned and she has been fighting as well, after she heard through some friends that i was having a great time with him, during the holiday. she got my number (She had always had it) and my email and she has been terrorizing me day in and day out, with abusive sms, and emails and telephone calls. she beleives i am the one keeping him away from him. She has always had a problem with me anyway about my closeness with this guy, because we have always kept in touch. This guy is serious about starting a relationship with me and he reaffirms that everyday but i am so confused about whats right to do or not to do. Also i wouldnt like to get hurt if i got into a relationship with him, (which would be long distance for the next one year, and then he gets back with the gal. They had actually broken up in November last year and two weeks later she turned up pregnant, and he tried to make the reltionship work but she kept repeating her drama, and he dropped it before he came back into the country. some of his brothers keep pushing him and me to get together and date even when they have known that he had a girlfriend. Now they want it even more. While we both have feelings for eachother, which are strong by the way, i dont want to get in the way of anybody's happiness. I would only want a relationship with him, id he is sure, he is completely done with her. Plaese advise, cos am dying with all these feelings, i feel like i wish there was no pregnancy involved in all this, i would be on the plane next month to revisit him, seeing that, during his hoilday here, we held off alot of temptation, and we therefore have alot of unfinished business between the sheets... Nas Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 I think you're wise to hold off until he gets things straightened out with her, one way or another. First off, do not answer the phone when she calls, delete her messages and emails without listening to or reading them. Then, you must tell this guy that she is harassing you. He needs to tell her to back off. He needs to be very, very clear with her what his reasons are for not being with her. And then you need to have a serious discussion with him. Tell him you'd be interested in seeing him, but under the circumstances, with his ex harassing you, you have concerns that they have unfinished business and might get back together when the baby comes and he's back at school. Tell him, the fact is, she's going to be in his life forever because they will have a child together, and he's not being realistic if he expects to have nothing to do with her. Tell him you want him to give some thought to how he's going to deal with his relationship with her and with his child. Tell him you understand he's got a lot to think about and a lot to deal with right now, but once the baby is born and he's had a chance to establish how he will be a father while resolving his relationship with the baby momma, you'd be happy to talk about your relationship with him again. Link to post Share on other sites
JulieJ Posted July 2, 2007 Share Posted July 2, 2007 I agree that you need to let him know that his ex girlfriend is harassing you. She has probably resorted to this tactic because she has tried everything else to get him back but it hasn't worked. The important thing to remember is that he is not the one who wants to get back together and he has already had many chances to do so. You shouldn't feel bad about pursuing a relationship with him because they were already broken up when the two of you started discussing dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nasdxxx Posted July 6, 2007 Author Share Posted July 6, 2007 I agree that you need to let him know that his ex girlfriend is harassing you. She has probably resorted to this tactic because she has tried everything else to get him back but it hasn't worked. The important thing to remember is that he is not the one who wants to get back together and he has already had many chances to do so. You shouldn't feel bad about pursuing a relationship with him because they were already broken up when the two of you started discussing dating. Hey thanks for this... My only worry would be, that what happens with all this distance coz he wants to finish college and come back home in December next year. For now we do talk alot and we talk... How can i be sure that after the baby comes, things are not gonna change around and they get back together. For now he is keeping off her and they agreed not to be in touch because she has been stressing everybody. His two brothers tell me they want me to hook up with him seriously! I wouldnt mind if he wanted to get back with the mother of his baby (assuming that happens) but i gather i would be hurt at the time given the emotions and feelings building up in me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nasdxxx Posted July 17, 2007 Author Share Posted July 17, 2007 Hello. Somebody give me their opinion on this dilemma please!! I would really appreciate it Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
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