Grant Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 There's this cute girl in the office who I've developed a strong interest in over the last couple of months; to the point where I've lost interest in dating others. Well anyhow, I'm planning on pursuing a relationship with this woman, but I'm having some trouble getting close to her. She mostly keeps to herself, not very sociable, utters only a few words / sentences whenever we talk. To add to that, some of our officemates have caught on and are teasing her about my liking her, making her feel more unease about the whole situation I think. Now all I want is to develop a decent friendship with her, as a sort of platform for a relationship (if ever it gets to that point), but am afraid that the combination of her personality and the situation I'm in could be a hindrance. Any advice? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 Now all I want is to develop a decent friendship with her, as a sort of platform for a relationship (if ever it gets to that point), but am afraid that the combination of her personality and the situation I'm in could be a hindrance. Any advice? Thanks. I'll leave out any discussion of the wisdom of getting involved with someone at work. These days, the reality is that the workplace is where a lot of people do meet their partners. Your main difficulty here is that a) the girl you like is so shy, and b) following on from that - you're surrounded by an audience of curious colleagues who might well scupper the possibility of this developing further. I'm shy with men I'm interested in - though not to the extent that this woman sounds like she's shy. What works for me is when a guy gives me a sign that he's interested, isn't overly intrusive with that interest, creates opportunities for me to approach him and rewards me with a positive, happy response when I do approach him (eg with conversation or through making eye contact/smiling). You'll have heard of the horse whisperer. I think of men like that as "women whisperers". Link to post Share on other sites
nasdxxx Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 If you like the girl, i think, you should be apfront about your feelings and try to make friends with her. Generosity, kindness and openess work wonders. Wanting to take it to the next level pretty much depends on what your employment organization ploicies are especially in relation to dating at the work place and you could go it slow because if she were unavailable to date you for whatever reason, it can be a bit akward... If you like somebody, tell the, Your work buddies to see that there is some level of attraction between you two... Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grant Posted June 30, 2007 Author Share Posted June 30, 2007 I'm shy with men I'm interested in - though not to the extent that this woman sounds like she's shy. What works for me is when a guy gives me a sign that he's interested, isn't overly intrusive with that interest, creates opportunities for me to approach him and rewards me with a positive, happy response when I do approach him (eg with conversation or through making eye contact/smiling). Thanks for this, this reaffirms that I've been on the right track so far. I have been doing those things, just letting things flow naturally. We pretty much share the same circle of friends at work, and our friends seem to support the idea of being 'us.' I can manage to talk to her whenever we're alone (like when we go get coffee) and she even gets to smile and all that; but when there are other people around, she avoids any eye contact all together. Doesn't even try to look in my direction. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 I can manage to talk to her whenever we're alone (like when we go get coffee) and she even gets to smile and all that; but when there are other people around, she avoids any eye contact all together. Doesn't even try to look in my direction. She's going to avoid eye contact. It's one of the trademarks of being shy. More advice...when it comes to the business of setting up a date, the onus is going to have to be on you. Sparking up a bit of email/telephone flirtation might be a good way of building up a bit of a bond between you, and easier for her to manage - so that she becomes more comfortable in your physical presence. If there's a real "moment" of chemistry between you, then I'd say however difficult it is....follow that up quickly with some sort of email invitation. If you don't, then you might be back to square one with her averting eye contact, thinking you're not really interested etc. Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 Hey, I am a shy girl. I will tell you anything you want to know. One thing I will say (and I can only go on my own experience) is, I don't like people who talk a lot. And I like doing quiet things. Crowds and noise bother my psyche. I much prefer the company of other people like myself and am more attracted to that type of male. People who are outgoing and chirpy scare the hell out of me. It is like listening to fingernails scratching a chalkboard. I much prefer to poke needles in my eyes. I also need more time alone than the average person. I dunno if this will help you..... Link to post Share on other sites
LN99 Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 Some people take awhile to open up. I know I'm like that in real life. I don't just naturally start talking about myself. Plus, Im more for one on one conversations. I've noticed, thats when any "spark" or chemistry with the opposite sex happens. I also don't like my personal life on display. So, if I were to get involved with someone at work or something like that, I would want to keep it on the down low. I would be paranoid that others are catching on and that it would be the gossip of the work place etc.*. So, go slow with this girl. Get to know her and definately try to be friends with her....with just a subtle hint of being interested in more. Try to get her to do something with you AWAY from the work place...as friends. I think if you get her more one on one, she will open up to you more and you can see if anything is possible with her. Good luck and keep us updated! Link to post Share on other sites
Yellow Tulip Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 leave her alone (please...) having an intimate relationship with your colleague is a NO NO... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grant Posted July 12, 2007 Author Share Posted July 12, 2007 Thanks for your feedback! Wow, so much has happened that I don't know where to begin. I won't go into too much detail, but basically the gist of it is she's going to be real tough to crack. I have spoken with some of our common friends, and that's what they told me. So far it's been frustrating. The lack of reciprocation of my efforts have been maddening. Been thinking of giving it up, but everyone is just telling me to keep on persevering. Just have patience and give her time to open up. @YT - know where you're coming from with that. But it's just fine in this case, as long as it doesn't interfere with work. Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted July 12, 2007 Share Posted July 12, 2007 Consider totally leaving her alone at work. Pursue her after hours and off the grounds. E-mail her and ask for her number. If she gives it to you, then proceed. But not at work. Link to post Share on other sites
VirtualInsanity Posted July 12, 2007 Share Posted July 12, 2007 She mostly keeps to herself, not very sociable, utters only a few words / sentences whenever we talk. To add to that, some of our officemates have caught on and are teasing her about my liking her, making her feel more unease about the whole situation I think. How mean. I would dread going to work because of it until it died down. If it didn't I would say something. I don't like being teased. How embarassing. She mostly keeps to herself, not very sociable, utters only a few words / sentences whenever we talk. I'm like that until I get to know people. I'm shy but social (in small settings) if that makes sense. I'm also attracted to men who are like that as well. I'm similar to COI's post. Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted July 13, 2007 Share Posted July 13, 2007 Imo, shy girls are not worth it. I would pursue a more out going type of girl that likes to flirt with you and all. It's more exciting and you don't feel like being a therapist by constantly asking your girl why she's quiet and what's bothering her. Find someone that is equally enthusiastic about you as you are about them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grant Posted July 15, 2007 Author Share Posted July 15, 2007 Actually, the exciting / outgoing girls are not really my type. I'm more of a reserved person myself, prefers to stay at home and goes out occasionally. Only recently have I came out of my 'shell' so to speak. I guess why I'm attracted to her in the first place is she sorta reminds me of me back then. We have / had pretty good chemistry up until that point where people found out. So it's not like we haven't touched base. I'm just trying to get back to that point, which might be impossible right now. And yes, am taking the whole thing away from the office. Link to post Share on other sites
LN99 Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 Actually, the exciting / outgoing girls are not really my type. I'm more of a reserved person myself, prefers to stay at home and goes out occasionally. Only recently have I came out of my 'shell' so to speak. I guess why I'm attracted to her in the first place is she sorta reminds me of me back then. We have / had pretty good chemistry up until that point where people found out. So it's not like we haven't touched base. I'm just trying to get back to that point, which might be impossible right now. And yes, am taking the whole thing away from the office. Now you say people have found out or have noticed this between the two of you. What was her reaction to this? Did you get any reaction from her? And maybe she is just uncomfortable about people knowing about this.... Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 So she cares more about what others think of her rather than what you think of her. Nice. I'm telling you she's not into you. Stay away from her. Find yourself a girl that is not afraid of approaching you and talking to you. It's lot simpler that way rather than trying to figure out someone like her. You've grown up, moved on and so find someone who has also. Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 So...you are assuming that all quiet people have something "bothering" them? You've never considered the possibility that they prefer the peace of the quietness to the chaos of constant jabbering? Imo, shy girls are not worth it. I would pursue a more out going type of girl that likes to flirt with you and all. It's more exciting and you don't feel like being a therapist by constantly asking your girl why she's quiet and what's bothering her. Find someone that is equally enthusiastic about you as you are about them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grant Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 Now you say people have found out or have noticed this between the two of you. What was her reaction to this? Did you get any reaction from her? And maybe she is just uncomfortable about people knowing about this.... She sort of just clammed up, basically. It's been really hard to interact with her. I've just been toughing it out, hoping that things would settle down and waiting for the right opportunity. @JCD - thanks for the advice. What you say makes a lot of sense actually, and there's a lot of truth in what you said. I never assumed she was into me though. Moving on... I think it's sort of the 'easy' way out. I have done that in the past... just going for girls who I think are attracted to me. It's a hell of a lot easier that way... but in the end I just sort of lose interest. I'm willing to stick this one out just a little more and who knows what might happen? Link to post Share on other sites
LN99 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 She clammed up huh? Well, maybe its the chase that is fun for now. As long as you don't mind waiting to see what happens, then more power to you. I think you at least need to know if you stand a chance huh? I understand. Sometimes thats what it takes to feed the curiousity. I swear, guys just like the challenge.... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts