KCP0165 Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 I have been married for 22 years to a man who is extremely jealous. I have never cheated or even thought about cheating but for the last 20 years he has treated me as though I have cheated and he cannot forgive me. I have no idea why he has these suspisions of me. I am not the type that goes out or hangs out in clubs or bars I don't hang out with girl friends because I don't have friends. The only time I leave the house is to go to work or to the mall and that's usually with my daughter. He accuses me of having an affair at work. I recently left a job were I was employed for the last 11 years and whole 11 years he accused me of having affair of with any male co-workers or bosses that I had day to day contact with. I could not be late getting home from work, attend any after work activities, I have to refuse all weddings, baby showers or party invites. Living like this has affected my physical and mental health, I have tried everything to get him to stop but he says its just who I am and I deserve all the bad luck I get and the reason you are sick is because you are being ate up by guilt. He calls me horrible names bitch, slut, whoe and things like you are only a piece of ass to whom ever you are sleeping with because no one wants you. I thought if I could get a new job things would change. I recently started a new job and things were ok for about a week and now it has started all over again I don't know what to do I am at the end of my rope. He is in the process of leaving because he states he can no longer deal with this issue. Any advice Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 Your husband is 'sick' so unless he takes care of this 'illness' he won't change. He is a control freak and this kind of abuser destroys their wives. You left everything, friends etc... for him... and what does that leave you? If he doesn't want to see a doctor or a therapist or doesn't show that he might change... leave him... This type of husbands are dangerous... make sure you start to plan for your security first. It might be a good idea to talk to someone you trust so that he/she can help you through the separation process. These men are the 'meanest' of the meanest. I feel sorry for you... really but those men destroy their wife over years.... you should have put your foot down a looooong time ago... it's too late now... I doubt very much he will ever change.. Sorry... Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 This is mental/emotional abuse. Its obvious he likes power and control. SOMETIMES not always, the one doing the accusing is the one doing the doing. If you get what I mean. That may not be the case at all here, but its possible. 22 years is a long time to be married to someone who has been this way. My guess his with his way of thinking, actions and words, destroyed your self esteem and you maybe feel you deserve this kind of treatment? Well hun, you don't deserve this. Time to assert yourself and make a change. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 KCP, if you truly have done nothing to make him suspicious, then there is one thing you can do. Tell him that you can't take it anymore and that you are going to file for divorce if something doesn't change. Maybe take your daughter and leave the house. Do you have a family member you can live with? This just might snap him out of it....maybe. It'd be worth a try since you have exhausted all other options. Link to post Share on other sites
Anka Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 This is abuse. get some counsling and put your foot down. Hugs, Anka Link to post Share on other sites
ridingthebulls Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 LET HIM LEAVE!Are you this desperate to actually want him to stay??? He is insane and you are lucky he is ALLOWING himself to leave as many controlling and abusive men would stick around for as long as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
ridingthebulls Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 20 years and finally NOW you feel at the end of your rope?Women have an awful lot of relationship endurance. Good grief. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 He might be cheating, attend marriage counseling with your husband. If he doesn't, file for D. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 I tend to side with Darth Vader. In my own experience this is how my husband has treated me during his affair/s. Doesn't mean it would apply to every situation, he may well be just terribly insecure. I just kn ow that there isn't a person alive who would ever use some of the names I've been called in the same sentence as my name yet he did. I never once thought even he believed the things he said. Link to post Share on other sites
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