dating

[cbunnyflower]

Big problem in my world!!

My boyfriend and I have been dating now for a little over a year. We were going smooth in the beginning of our relationship, but things are getting a little bit different. I am 25 (no hobbies, just 2 jobs) and my boyfriend is 27 (likes to hunt, fish, golf, work out at the gym). Yeah, I know. Anyway, we were arguing a little too often about dumb things for about 2 months straight. So we came up with an agreement to have a "break" . However long it took us to be happy again and then get back together again.

We are the couple that spends every last minute together. We are always laughing nowadays, and even really really happy. We were "on Break" for 2 weeks when V-Day came up. We both believe that we are meant for each other. We understand each other so well that we call when the other was about to and so on and so on.

Valentines evening, Dean took me to Red Lobster and asked me back out again!! was thrilled thinking maybe we can breathe better in the relationship now. The very next day, the bomb was dropped on me that he isn't ready. I had gotten him a locker picture of us laughing and happy together thinking he will look at this and smile everytime. He says"Why should I put this in my locker at the gym, I could put this in my locker at work?"

and then made this quote,"No girls go back there anyway, baby."

I know this sounds stupid, but in my mind all of the little fights that we have had in the past were just like this one, only this one was bothering me in my sleep. So, this morning I called him to see how his morning was going and mentioned the ugly comment. He starts yelling and cussing me like he was someone I didn't recognize.

And yes, girls had known him for a while at the gym and would call him late at night or around 1am while I was there and HE WOULD TALK TO THEM. So, I just thought he would see me in the picture and how happy I was and he was and not think of those girls.

I had read in a magazine once to get your man a locker picture so that he will know that you are a couple that is meant to be. All I need to know is...do I ignore him for a couple of days and see what happens ?

[Tony T]

If he yelled and cursed at you when you made a friendly call to him, not only does he not have respect for you but he sounds somewhat insane.

 

I think you should take a hint in the fact that he feels he's not ready to get back with you. What he is saying is that there are a lot of opportunities out there with other women...like the ones you mentioned that he talks to on the phone...and he wants to explore other possiblities.

 

People who love each other don't need to take breaks like this unless you were absolutely smothering him.

 

Back off and stop calling him. Your only hope here, if you even want to waste the time, is to let him start wondering what you're up to and call you. Otherwise, you can consider this a dead end deal.

 

Frankly, I wouldn't mess with somebody so disrespectful and rude. It's pretty irrational to pursue a relationship with a person who would tell you off on the phone for no reason.

[midori]

Taking relationship advice from women's magazines is a losing proposition. I'm sorry, but a "locker picture"? Are you in high school? If your guy needs to have constant visual reminders "to know that you are a couple that is meant to be" I would argue that the two of you are actually NOT meant to be. If he's looking at/thinking about/talking to women at the gym, he is not committed to you. It's as simple as that really.

[Reckless]

Are you sure?

 

People rarely go from "Hi honey, whachya up to" to "You are a crazy blood sucking B^£ch and I hope you DIE!!!" Now, there is no excuse for screaming and yelling at someone that isn't attacking your child but it seems to me you probably touched a nerve or two along the way that morning and/or the guy is looking desperately for a 'break up fight' either way, it ain't good.

 

Instead of thinking that you should ignore him and any underlying problems you should both sit down and do some hard talking.

 

You were "arguing about dumb things", why? Arguments are rarely about what we think, often someone is feeling insecure (you?), trapped (him?), unhappy (both?) or any number of other things. Often you have to look behind what you think you're talking about, then look again. Maybe spending "every last minute" together was making him feel smothered and sapping you of opportunities to bring new and interesting things to the relationship, I don't know. Does look like he might want out, and you looked real pretty in the soft Valentine light and he didn't have the nerve to tell you straight he's outgrown the relationship or wants to sow some oats down at the gym (and in the office and at the supermarket...) I do know that if my guy stayed up chatting to some girl that called him up at 1am that wasn't his sister or on a high ledge somewhere threatening to jump, I'd begin to wonder if we may have a problem here Houston. I also know that modeling your actions from 'Cosmopolitan' magazine or whatever is a recipe for disaster and that if you think a picture is going to stop a heart that wants to wander from doing so you are greatly mistaken. Confront your worst fear and talk to him, if he really wants out give him your picture and his freedom.

 

Sorry.