Will she ever see me as more than a friend?

[Hinman05]

Hey, I’m new here. I decided to join after my relationship with a girl I would honestly say I ‘love’ as just basically been brought to a halt and I need some advice.

 

I don’t really know where to start, I suppose the beginning is the best so this will be a long post.

 

Well me and Becki have been near enough best friend for around 3 years now. We went to school together but we talked the most on MSN. We confided everything in each other. If I ever had a problem, no matter what it was, I always went to Becki. She was the exact same with me.

 

Now a little over a year ago I started liking Becki as more than a friend and after time I told her. We got very close, quite dirty at times if you know what I mean but we never got together. Eventually we died down and went too been basically best friends. I got a girlfriend and was with her 8 months. Throughout that time Becki had a couple of boyfriends and we still helped each other with all our problems. Although I’ll be honest…I never totally stopped liking her as more than a friend

 

So about a month back, I split up with my girlfriend and me and Becki grew very close. I eventually told her how I felt about her and she said she feels the same but she wasn’t to sure how much.

 

Then around a week later she came to see me after an exam, we kissed, I asked her out, she said yes. I couldn’t have been happier! I was over the moon about it.

 

Then after 5 days she told me she had decided she only saw me as a friend and she was sorry but we should end it there…I was absolutely gutted

 

I’ve tried to tell her how I feel about her because there is no other girl I’d rather be with. I’d do anything to make her like me as more than a friend.

 

Now obviously you don’t know what Becki’s thinking…But does anybody know how I can get her to see me as more than a friend? Or do you all see it as a lost cause?

 

Thanks

[norajane]

If she's kissing you and you had gotten 'dirty' in the past, I think you might still have a chance. However, you have to stop being her best friend. She needs to see you as a MAN, and the best friend thing isn't helping with that.

 

Stop listening to her bf problems, limit the time you spend with her, limit your MSN time. When you do see her, be friendly and flirt with her, but don't fall into best friend mode. Date other women. Don't be so available to her when she wants you around - have your own life. Don't pour your heart out to her about your feelings for her, or about anything else. By no means get into long discussions about your relationship.

 

You have to take a few steps away from your friendship in order for her to see you in a different light, a boyfriend light. You have to spend less time with her, so she develops a longing for you, rather than knowing she can have you anytime she wants you for whatever she wants you.

[Hinman05]

So basically your saying that to get closer to her I need to distance myself from her?

[norajane]

So basically your saying that to get closer to her I need to distance myself from her?

 

I'm saying you have to develop a different kind of dynamic between you, a different relationship. While she sees you as her best friend (very close), she's not going to see you as a romantic, sexy dude (more distance and challenge).

[Hinman05]

Yea...I get what you mean now...Well I think I do...

 

It's hard to explain without just repeating you but I get it. Thanks a lot.

 

Well I'll try...

 

Once again, Thanks!

[LoveLace]

It will probably bother her if you appear not to care very much. It might bother her more if she gets an impression that you have found someone else you like. But the idea isn't to hurt her, so don't over do anything, just don't make it transparent that you think of her so much. Dont' return her calls right away, don't make her feel like the most important thing to you. Again, don't hurt her feelings, just play clueless to the fact that she might really have stronger feelings. The longer you do this, the more she might show signs of anger or jealousy. In other words, spend less time on pursuing her and give her reasons to pursue you...it wouldn't hurt to have friendships developed with other girls, so that she knows your desirable, but don't exactly make her feel as though these girls are your #1 priority.