Need Ideas From Guys-What To Expect

[Broken Spirit]

I met a guy about 2 weeks ago. We hit it off really well.

 

We were at the club he tends bar at and he wasn't working and I met him through a friend. We went on a date the following week. He lives a distance from me so I met him at his other job and waited for him to get off work. We had a great time but I was half asleep coming home. I wanted to drive home but after drinking wasn't sure I could. I ended up staying over. I told him I didn't want to have sex. I wanted to get to know him better. I am not that way to jump into anything. However, we messed around and came close but I stopped. Well, he wanted to see me that night when he was working. In the meantime, I got him something for his cold and hung out with him. I met him later and had so many guys hitting on me that night. I blew them off and he even told one of them to leave me alone. I had to tell one that I was Mad and that I had a boyfriend and here it was someone he knew. I didn't want a misunderstanding so the next day when I left him a message about this group that was playing that I couldn't think of, I told him what I said to the guy so that if he caught word, he wouldn't misinterpret either me having a boyfriend or calling him my boyfriend so soon. Later that week, I worried that he would think differently of me for going as far as I did. I left another message to call-eventually he did and said things were fine he had been very sick and he does't think bad of me at all.

 

Thing is he never answers his phone!

 

I didn't hear from him the rest of that week, so I went to see my other friend at the club and did my own thing. The guy saw me and was happy to see me. He wanted to hang out and I did that night but intended to come home and instead he drove to his place. This night we had sex. I made an exception with him since I felt he was sincere. I was reluctant and told him I didn't want to give myself to him and have him not call. He said he wouldn't do that of course. He was very sweet and affectionate. He wanted me to call to let him know I got home ok and I did and again a machine.

 

Now, he wants me to go there for NEw Years-if he wasn't interested-would he have asked me?

 

Yet, he knows I will be working there 2 days this week and will see me. Yet, if I don't hear from him by then, does that mean he used me? Should I confront him or ignore him?

 

Am I overreacting or analyzing? I really like him.

 

What do I do? I am just a convenience. I can't see no matter how busy he is, he can't pick up the phone after what happened even thought it was only 2 days ago. Please help!

 

I will see him in a few days. I want to go on a date I hope I didn't screw up!

[Jessica Bridges]

Why do you need ideas from guys? As a woman I will tell you that you can make your own choices without a guys' opinion. First warning sign is that he works at a club. Hello, how many women do you think he has met? Many people work at clubs not only for the money but also for the entertainment. If he wanted to be with you, he would pursue you. He would make the effort so that you wouldn't even have doubts about him liking you. I say get rid of this guy. If he decides that he really digged you, you will hear from him again. But he needs to make that move, not you. Be strong.

I met a guy about 2 weeks ago. We hit it off really well. We were at the club he tends bar at and he wasn't working and I met him through a friend. We went on a date the following week. He lives a distance from me so I met him at his other job and waited for him to get off work. We had a great time but I was half asleep coming home. I wanted to drive home but after drinking wasn't sure I could. I ended up staying over. I told him I didn't want to have sex. I wanted to get to know him better. I am not that way to jump into anything. However, we messed around and came close but I stopped. Well, he wanted to see me that night when he was working. In the meantime, I got him something for his cold and hung out with him. I met him later and had so many guys hitting on me that night. I blew them off and he even told one of them to leave me alone. I had to tell one that I was Mad and that I had a boyfriend and here it was someone he knew. I didn't want a misunderstanding so the next day when I left him a message about this group that was playing that I couldn't think of, I told him what I said to the guy so that if he caught word, he wouldn't misinterpret either me having a boyfriend or calling him my boyfriend so soon. Later that week, I worried that he would think differently of me for going as far as I did. I left another message to call-eventually he did and said things were fine he had been very sick and he does't think bad of me at all. Thing is he never answers his phone! I didn't hear from him the rest of that week, so I went to see my other friend at the club and did my own thing. The guy saw me and was happy to see me. He wanted to hang out and I did that night but intended to come home and instead he drove to his place. This night we had sex. I made an exception with him since I felt he was sincere. I was reluctant and told him I didn't want to give myself to him and have him not call. He said he wouldn't do that of course. He was very sweet and affectionate. He wanted me to call to let him know I got home ok and I did and again a machine.

 

Now, he wants me to go there for NEw Years-if he wasn't interested-would he have asked me? Yet, he knows I will be working there 2 days this week and will see me. Yet, if I don't hear from him by then, does that mean he used me? Should I confront him or ignore him? Am I overreacting or analyzing? I really like him. What do I do? I am just a convenience. I can't see no matter how busy he is, he can't pick up the phone after what happened even thought it was only 2 days ago. Please help! I will see him in a few days. I want to go on a date I hope I didn't screw up!

[Broken Spirit]

Thanks for your response. Do you think that I made myself look bad though? How should I react when I see him the night I work there? Hopefully to get it over with, it will be tomorrow but if he isn't scheduled, it will be Xmas night. I hate to have bad vibes about it all around the holidays. I didn't want to like him. I kept in mind the working at a club thing but, watching him from what I could see, he didn't seem to have any other girls around and madeit obvious openly he was interested in me.

Why do you need ideas from guys? As a woman I will tell you that you can make your own choices without a guys' opinion. First warning sign is that he works at a club. Hello, how many women do you think he has met? Many people work at clubs not only for the money but also for the entertainment. If he wanted to be with you, he would pursue you. He would make the effort so that you wouldn't even have doubts about him liking you. I say get rid of this guy. If he decides that he really digged you, you will hear from him again. But he needs to make that move, not you. Be strong.

 

[Broken Spirit]

I also feel like giving him a piece of my mind by phone or in person. What do you think?

Thanks for your response. Do you think that I made myself look bad though? How should I react when I see him the night I work there? Hopefully to get it over with, it will be tomorrow but if he isn't scheduled, it will be Xmas night. I hate to have bad vibes about it all around the holidays. I didn't want to like him. I kept in mind the working at a club thing but, watching him from what I could see, he didn't seem to have any other girls around and madeit obvious openly he was interested in me.

[Cecilie]

I think you shouldn't call him. I agree with Jessica. I think it's completely your decision whether or not to hang out with him and if he really wanted to hang out with you, he would make himself available! It shouldn't matter what he thinks of you. It's all about what YOU think of you!

I also feel like giving him a piece of my mind by phone or in person. What do you think?

 

[Broken Spirit]

So therefore, regardless of what took place between the two of us, depending on how I portray myself in front of him(feeling bad about it or acting fine) will usually determine how they look at you? It would really hurt if he suddenly didn't talk to me. I am not one to let things go so far so quickly and since I was put in that situation, I am hoping he realizes other than that that I am not one to sleep around or anything since I was concerned enough to speak to him before about not going too far until we get to know each other, this time by saying how reluctant I was because I don't want to give myself to someone who won't bother afterwards-not take it so lightly. Also, I am not a flirt or anything at the club. I haven't called him. I am trying hard. He never answers anyway so I don't leave a message anymore. Then I was thinking of feelingit out and leaving a message to see if he calls back.

I think you shouldn't call him. I agree with Jessica. I think it's completely your decision whether or not to hang out with him and if he really wanted to hang out with you, he would make himself available! It shouldn't matter what he thinks of you. It's all about what YOU think of you!

[VioletWind]

 

Okay, first of all, ask yourself why you are dating a guy that smokes so much pot that he can "pretend" your relationship to shreds? If he told your sister that he slept with his ex girlfriend then he must have been at least thinking about it if not already done it.

 

I am a big sister and have been responsible for nearly all the break-ups between my little sister and her boyfriends. I do it because I adore her so much that I don't want to see her hurt. No matter how much you care about your boyfriend you have to question why your sister dislikes him so much. Is there something there that you aren't seeing that she is? Maybe your big sis is just jealous of your relationship with your boyfriend? What is going on to make her feel like she needs to break you 2 up?

 

When you go out to meet your man, this is what I suggest. Dress and act normal. Don't let him see that you are wanting him back and let him know that his behavior was unacceptable. Take charge of the conversation and let him know that if you 2 are ever going to have a true and lasting relationship, he has to learn to trust you, and come to you with any questions he has before he goes and makes dumb decisions based on what someone else says. Don't let him walk all over you girl!

 

Also talk to your big sis about what went on. I'd want my little sister to come to me about something like that. She might have a legit answer as to why you 2 shouldn't be together. Value her opinion because she is older and hypothetically more experienced than you. Good luck and let me know what happens.

 

Write me and answer my question... (Trapped in Nowhere)

 

<e-mail address removed>

[Cecilie]

So therefore, regardless of what took place

between the two of us, depending on how I portray myself in front of him(feeling bad about it or acting fine) will usually determine how they look at you?

Yes. This isn't the 1950s!! He won't think you're a bad girl because you slept with him! This is the 90s! Almost the 00s (ha ha)!

 

Of course, it's understandable to feel bad about a guy not calling back and stuff, but when you think about it, it really shouldn't. You've only known each other a very short time, you barely know one another. Except for the sex thing. Which, depending on your attitude, can be a big deal or not.

 

Call him if you like, just don't leave 10 messages on his machine like this one guy did to my neighbor. Creepy!

[Broken Spirit]

Thanks everyone so much for your advice. I don't know if it is right but if I don't see him tonight and dont want to feel this anxiety through Christmas, I was thinking of taking some cookies over to his other job Fri. and just leaving and seeing if he asks why I don't stay and just say something very brief or just leave a curt message-which I would rather not leave a message on his machine. I have to say what's on my tongue but in a mature fashion-not like I am a victim. You're right-it isn't the 1950's. I guess becuase I dated one guy who had a hang up on women who even dressed too provocative none the less slept with someone so quickly. But I guess this guy must see worse working in a club and know that I am a lady when he looks at some of these girls and how good I act about myself. I am just very cautious because I am a platform dancer and I wear theatrical but tiny outfits and don't want to be portrayed as anything less than an artist and not by wearing sexy clothes.

 

Again, thanks.

Yes. This isn't the 1950s!! He won't think you're a bad girl because you slept with him! This is the 90s! Almost the 00s (ha ha)! Of course, it's understandable to feel bad about a guy not calling back and stuff, but when you think about it, it really shouldn't. You've only known each other a very short time, you barely know one another. Except for the sex thing. Which, depending on your attitude, can be a big deal or not. Call him if you like, just don't leave 10 messages on his machine like this one guy did to my neighbor. Creepy!

[http://Broken Spirit]

Well, I left a message to see if he was working at the club Thurs. when I was. He didn't call. I went with 2 guy friends in one car so I would go home afterwards. They were enraged at how upset he made me by not calling. I didn't say anything to him and carried on with friends. He tried getting my attention and came over to me and said he didn't call back because he didn't get my message until after he left or was going to leave-it didn't make sense. He said he was home sleeping and got called in the last minute. Well, he made every effort to help me find the manager to start work and all. He could tell something was wrong since I was quiete but when he asked I said nothing. I was busy all night. Later in the office, I found him puking at the end of the night. He was drinking too much while tending bar. My softheart tried helping him even though I was pissed and stern. I asked how he was getting home and would have taken him with me if nothing else. I couldn't leave him. He said someone there could take him. I said no strings attached -I am pissed but I'm not going to leave you like this. He was upset saying his boss was pissed, I was pissed... I briefed him in and said it's really not the time or place to discuss it though. He said when I asked if he had a girlfriend, no and that he was being straight with me when I said he should be and I just said it doesn't take much to pick up the phone to alleviate my concern about Sat.-he was dry heaving by then....Next day, 24th, I called to see if he had a job.

 

He said he would pick up the phone -sometimes he is just never home. No answer so I said what I had to on the machine and said if all he is looking for is a good time in bed it isn't me, and there is more to both our lives than just the club and sex. If he is interested in getting to know each other fine. I mentioned the phone thing and said to call. I left one more message that if he doesn't call before working that night, I will know what he is all about.

 

Then I felt too pushy and was going to leave word that I didn'tmean to come off like that and he answered! He was fine and said he just got up and was going to get his car and he didn't hear anything about the job yet. He wanted me to come see him at the other job that night-ok good. I went. We talked more about our past relationships, family,e tc. I didn't push things. I just mentioned the phone thing and he said he has just been busy with work, the gym, and really studying. I said nothing. I asked if he loses his job if he wants to hang out for New years Eve still and all he could say is to come to the club still yes, but he hopes he is working. He said he doesn't know otherwiseif he will want to be alone or not. I don't know if it's because he will be in a bad mood or what but I told him I took his indecisiveness as "no" and he said no he will just let me know. He walked me to my car since I had somewhere to go, and held me and kissed me. Good signs I guess. Next day, I called and he said he won't know about his job until that night. He was really nice still. He saw me when I came to the club and came over and kissed me. I was working in the same room. He would bring me water constantly (I was dancing on stage) and sit me by him on break. You could see his concern about his job. At the end of the night he said to call him. I did the next day to find out what happened and he didn't answer. I left a short message to call. I called later that night. No answer-left no message. I called one more time and just left a message that I wanted to know how things turned out with the job but I guess you are too busy to call back so I will takk to you whenever.

 

It was obvious I was annoyed. He usually gets bothered when someone is mad at him. I haven't heard from him yet and that was yesterday. If he lost his job, what if I never see or hear from him. I have to know what is going on with him and why is is hot and cold. I know he where his other job is I met him at -maybe I will go there next week or keep trying to get him by Friday? I am so distraught I amlosing sleep. How can he be this way? What did I do? I don't mean to call too much but, I need to know. What should I do now? PLLLLLease help me. I care for him so much.

Yes. This isn't the 1950s!! He won't think you're a bad girl because you slept with him! This is the 90s! Almost the 00s (ha ha)! Of course, it's understandable to feel bad about a guy not calling back and stuff, but when you think about it, it really shouldn't. You've only known each other a very short time, you barely know one another. Except for the sex thing. Which, depending on your attitude, can be a big deal or not. Call him if you like, just don't leave 10 messages on his machine like this one guy did to my neighbor. Creepy!