KittenMoon Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Last night I accompanied a friend, his wife, and another friend to an art walk and a gallery my friend has paintings hung in. The gallery was very eclectic, as was the owner and his gf (think White Zombie and Suicide Girls influenced). While my friends were in another part of the store, and his gf was in the back, I began admiring some little pottery bowls. See this, the owner said "You can have one of those if you want." I was a little taken aback, but I thought hewas just being nice to one of his artist's friends (and the pieces were the kind of thing that obviously only rarely sold at the price they were marked), so I accepted. He even wrapped it up for me, then, dropping his voice said the gesture was only because "I was so damn cute". Cue a flustered me. His voice was none too innocent in the least, so it wasn't just playing around, and he proceeded to ask me if I was married (not if I was with someone, only if I was married). I did thank him heartily, throughly skeeved out, and got my friends to get out of there within a few min. So my question is, is it ok that I hate being flirted with? Does anyone else get like this in these situations? Or am I just screwed up? I felt nothing but very embarassed, intimidated, and a bit like fighting back as if I was being threatened. For some reason when a guy comes on like this, very directly and onviously without any concern as to how I will react (positively or negatively), I feel very intimidated. But if the guy has even a tiny touch of self-conciousness, I feel fine. I can talk to him easy. Of course, it was especially odd that his gf was there, and it crossed my mind (and my friends) pretty immediately that maybe she'd be perfectly peaches and cream with him picking up another girl, and that was their thing..... which kinda made the whole thing even ookier! :laugh: Annoyingly, this isn't the first time I've gotten free stuff because I was "cute". It's getting to be a bit of a joke among my friends. And why the heck didn't guys act like this towards me for the first 24 years of my life?!!! At least then maybe I'd be comfortable with it! HOw do you guys feel about agressive flirts? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 I'm not certain how to explain the difference but there's two kinds of aggressive flirting. One without intent, just a guy who's very savvy about flattering women by flirting, the other, the slimeball. Obviously, the latter is rude. I tend to give them a long, flat stare, deliberately discomfitting them. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Yesterday I was in a grocery store... I was the 3rd in line at the cash... the guy who was paying for his groceries was 'flirting' with the 17-18 yr old cute cashier... This guy must have been in his late 40s... greasy hair... ugly.. dressed like in polyester pants... you see the 'type'... Anyway... poor girl was trying to be polite, he was smiling at her... with that 'look' in his eyes... licking his lips... eewwwww... She was polite through the whole 'flirting session' LOL It took him forever to slide his freakin card in the machine... while starring at her...she didn't know where to look...LOL... Anyway...this type of 'flirting' is soooo 'loser'...you know those men who kinda take advantage of a girl who, in the situation, can't say anything... It just gross me out. I feel this guy did the same thing to you... took advantage of you since you couldn't say much because of his gf and your friends around... Losers with a capital L. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittenMoon Posted July 1, 2007 Author Share Posted July 1, 2007 Anyway... poor girl was trying to be polite, he was smiling at her... with that 'look' in his eyes... licking his lips... eewwwww... The guy wasn't quite that bad- he actually seemed geniunely nice otherwise- but yeah, there was definitely "the look". It is NOT flattering to feel like you are suddenly prey and the guy is the predator, even if he doesn't intend to be like that. As to those REALLY skeazy guys (like your grocery guy), what baffles me is why the heck they think they could get anywhere with the way they act. I'd be more apt to laugh than be interested! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 but this sleazy loser at the grocery store probably 'thinks' he can get that cute girl... what a jerk!...LOL And of course, there wasn't much she could do... except smile and be polite... she's probably seen other losers like him before... LOL The woman standing right behind him said something funny to the cashier, she also had noticed the whole scene... They all laughed... Even when he left with his cart, he was breaking his neck to look at the girl but of course she even turned her head... geezzz some guys ... LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Steveto Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Well, at least you don't get constantly hit on by gay men..I am in no way shape or form flaming and it's as forward as you can get. When I used to work in a coffee shop..I was sweeping and 2 of the people I worked with could not stop laughing at me..I asked why..it was because everytime I bent over to put the dirt in the pan, two guys were checking out my butt:sick: Then another time a guy just comes up to me and said ...actually..I blocked that out of my mind..but he made a comment about the water bottle I was about to buy and my penis..2 of my friends from the states were there and heard the whole thing..I walked FARRR away. anyway..back to topic...A GOOD FLIRT WILL know when to stop. Some people have their limits and some people are just NOT responsive..only a great flirt can flirt with them... Marriage and appearance are quite strong dialogue for a fledgling conversation, but next time you should play along and see what he is getting at....stand your ground..but if he becomes a complete sleazebag..just end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Dumbledore Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Perhaps he misunderstood when you said, "I was just admiring your bowls - if I put your noodles inside, there is no way you would give me something dirty afterwards, right?" Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Oh what's the big deal? One day when you're an old married woman like me, you'll probably miss being flirted with. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 HOw do you guys feel about agressive flirts? if i'm attracted to them then its great...if i'm not attracted to them then it really pisses me off. Usually it's the latter. Link to post Share on other sites
LN99 Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Yeah, its flattering if Im attracted to them and they are single, but if I'm not attracted to them in any way, the thought in my head is "Please just get me out of here." I do the polite thing and smile and try to change the subject. I get a lot of older men who hit on me at my job. (I work in a hospital.) It can get kinda uncomfortable. But, usually I take it lightly and let it go. But when one of my patients was asking me if I had a significant other and if he was good at giving me pleasure....THAT was quite a bit uncomfortable. (And he has a wife!) I just pretended to have a bf and that things were GREAT with us. I kept it pretty general. I just wish more attractive men MY AGE hit on me the way that these older men do. Link to post Share on other sites
Hyperpen12000 Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 if i'm attracted to them then its great...if i'm not attracted to them then it really pisses me off. Usually it's the latter. I guess that's why sexual harassment was introduce. If I'm attracted to the person the flirting's okay but if they're ugly, I'll see you in court! Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 I just wish more attractive men MY AGE hit on me the way that these older men do. ...your original question, "No!" Tasteful, light flirtation is fun and I can give as well as I can take. Anything else I won't indulge in and it can make even me somewhat uncomfortable. Memo to self: Don't hit on LN99 or other young women! Of course at my age that REALLY narrows the playing field! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 I guess that's why sexual harassment was introduce. If I'm attracted to the person the flirting's okay but if they're ugly, I'll see you in court! my experience has been that the overly aggressive women are generally the less than attractive ones Link to post Share on other sites
Dumbledore Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Memo to self: Don't hit on LN99 or other young women! Of course at my age that REALLY narrows the playing field! I thought you'd have enough of them knocking down your door (and pulling off your boxers), without advertising your animal magnetism. Link to post Share on other sites
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 I'm discomifted by very aggressive flirters, no matter what their intention. I find it presumptous, and immature. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 I'm discomifted by very aggressive flirters, no matter what their intention.. Flirting by definition should be subtle and ambiguous... Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 It would appear to me that you have an unnatural interest in my "boxers." Link to post Share on other sites
Dumbledore Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Flirting by definition should be subtle and ambiguous... Truer words were never spoken. Link to post Share on other sites
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Flirting by definition should be subtle and ambiguous... True that, Alph. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 I used to work for someone years ago who was the most aggressive flirter I've ever met. The physical and sexual nature of what came out of that man's mouth, in front of his wife, used to stagger me. It always shocked me when she would roll her eyes and ignore his antics. I found him rude and obnoxious at first meet. Then, after a couple of days of this, I started to push him back with cutting remarks. He absolutely loved it. In reality, he was testing me to ensure that I could play the management role and also to see if I could give back as good as he gave and not get my knickers in a knot. We ended up with a mutual respect, understanding, admiration and surprisingly friendship. He had a lightening business mind under all the good ol' boys club veneer. Strange man but I grew to adore him as a person. Link to post Share on other sites
Dumbledore Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 I used to work for someone years ago who was the most aggressive flirter I've ever met. The physical and sexual nature of what came out of that man's mouth, in front of his wife, used to stagger me. It always shocked me when she would roll her eyes and ignore his antics. I found him rude and obnoxious at first meet. Then, after a couple of days of this, I started to push him back with cutting remarks. He absolutely loved it. In reality, he was testing me to ensure that I could play the management role and also to see if I could give back as good as he gave and not get my knickers in a knot. We ended up with a mutual respect, understanding, admiration and surprisingly friendship. He had a lightening business mind under all the good ol' boys club veneer. Strange man but I grew to adore him as a person. Fabulous story. Yet another reason to wear knickers. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Fabulous story. Yet another reason to wear knickers. You are so twisted... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 why didn't you sleep with him TBF? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 why didn't you sleep with him TBF? There were many reasons. While I adored him as a friend, that was the extent of it. We are talking about a married man... Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted July 2, 2007 Share Posted July 2, 2007 If I'm single and they are hot, it's cool. Otherwise it's a pain. My gf hates being flirted with like that, but she has a very sharp tongue & a good line in sarcastic put downs which are amusing to listen to! Link to post Share on other sites
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