Hard to know how to feel

[pinkroses]

I left my boyfriend last month, kind of a mutual decision, but mainly it was because he was pushing me away emotionally, and after being together a year and a half, we just weren't going anywhere. I found out just this week from one of his family members that he had a nervous breakdown. He was very close to one the last few months we were together, and I didn't realize it. I knew he was having problems, but I didn't know how severe they were. We are still in touch by e-mail and phone on occasion, and we let each other know how we're doing. Part of me feels sorry for him, I understand because I have had depression and nervous problems too. But another part of me still feels hurt and angry over some of the things he said to me and ways he treated me when we were together, even though now I understand more why he was pushing me away and acting like he was.

 

I know my life is better now without him, but I sometimes feel as though he died, or the dreams I once had have died. Sometimes I miss the good times we had, and feel really empty, in spite of the fact that I'm a stronger person now, and anxious to move forward with my life without him.

 

All that to say, it's very hard to know how to feel right now. Thanks for listening.

[Tony T]

It sounds like you're feeling exactly like you should. That chapter of your life is over, you don't owe him anything, you can remember the nice things and be pissed at the way he treated you...and you can move on. It seems like you're doing just fine in that regard.

 

Just because somebody's going through a lot of crap doesn't justify them treating you nastily. When two people care about each other, if they're meant to be together they help each other go through the hard times together, the communicate with each other, and one doesn't try to drive the other away.

 

The two of you weren't mean to be. And that's OK. A lot of people aren't meant to be. Actually, some people are meant to be together for a time...and then they aren't meant to be together anymore. And that's OK too. It's the way the system works.