Internet Chat Mistrust

[vale46]

Dont know where to start this really but I find my mind twisted by mistrust, disgust and disappointment. Dont even know whether i have a right to these feelings. Anyway here goes. Around December last year I started chatting to this 37 year old woman on the internet ( Im 40 ). This went on for a couple of months however I always suspected she was keepin her options open even though she said she was beginning to have feelings for me as she continued to chat to other men on msn, yahoo and as I found out later to send erotic pictures of herself while we were chatting and supposed to be building a relationship. Anyways to cut a long story short we met in January and the relationship grew to the point where we are now living together. However Im beginning to wonder whether this was a huge mistake. You see my problem is this. She continues to chat to other men on msn, yahoo insisting that she is chatting to friends she has chatted to for a couple of years. OK in principal you might say. But I have since found out ...yes I did a bit of underhand checking...that some of these guys were the recipients of the erotic pictures and chat from her. now to me these arent or werent friends...they were prospective cyber lovers. my question is should she be still chatting to them ? to be fair she says she loves me and also acts like it and also wants to marry me but when i have voiced concerns over the msn thing it has caused major arguements. apparently im showing a lack of trust. also to be fair i kind of think or should i say know the erotic chat and picture thing no longer goes on. i know cos i checked. in fact she rarely goes on the chat rooms cos im here all the time and she says she knows it makes me feel uncomfortable. but the fact is i wonder to myself should she even be talking to these guys at all given their history. another concern is she previously had an internet relationship with another guy and she has kept a folder of their conversations which to be fair she doesnt try to hide. she told me all about the relationship but i still couldnt help havin a look. it makes interesting reading. conversations about their sex life when they met, how much they felt about each other. my question is why is she keeping this stuff ? why when i say the past should be consigned to the past and left does she refuse to get rid of this stuff ? remember this is a woman who acts and says i am the love of her life and let me tell you i kinda believe her. now it would appear that i have a problem with this womans past...but i dont. what i have a problem with is the past being constantly thrown in my face even though openly in the case of the files and to be honest its jeopardising the future. i really dont know what to do. this woman says she would do anything for me. the evidence is to the contrary. she says the most important thing to her is that someone trusts her as she has never cheated in a relationship but has been acused of doing so in the past. now this statement i believe but cant help feeling if this is the way she has gone on a lot of the trouble she has brought on herself. she says all she wants to be is accepted for being herself but who is going to accept this kind of thing ? am i being unreasonable ? all thoughts appreciated...take care