Kelso Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Well Well Well ... This is going to be quite long, but I will appreciate any comments. Me and my ex broke up about 8 months ago. The day we broke up - I walked out of her apartment and I haven't returned since and barely haven't even called her. The breakup was a mutual agreement - it just wasn't working. I really cared for this girl and I was really devastated that it didn't work out. But I followed everyones advice here and went complete NC. It took me a lot of time to get over her. In fact I don't think I'm 100% over her yet...although I knew nothing was going to happen between us again. Well....Friday night I met her in our pub district. It was the first time for 8 months and we had a really nice chat for about 15 minutes. Then I had to leave with my friends and she had to leave with her sister. She asked us if we wanted to go to another pub with them. It felt like getting a sword through my stomach to meet her suddenly like this. I have thought about the day I would eventually meet her again for a loooong time. Well...it felt not all that good - so I decided just to go home before I would do something stupid. Well again...Last night I was partying with my friends in the pub district. And they all had left and I was all alone. So I decided to walk outside until I would find a taxi. Luckily I didn't find one...but I found my ex again. For the second time in 8 months - two days in a row. And again it was a coincidence - just met her on the street. Not stalking her or anything like that. I was solo - so she asked me if I wanted to go this this certain pub with them. I did and we went to the bar and when we got there we had a little chat. We didn't discuss the relationship at all. There was though a little holding hands but nothing more than that. Well the bar closed soon so we went outside and I walked with her, her sister and some friend of her sister towards their apartment. I asked her if I should come with them home. But she said no. I'm quite relieved today, the morning after. I pressured her a little, but not to the level that she would get pissed at me. Of course I understand her. I suggested that we would meet for a lunch later this week, and she said that it was a good idea to meet sober instead of going to her place drunk. Shortly after that I took off and found a taxi and I went home. Thats when you guys come to rescue. For the last 8 months I've spent a lot of time convincing myself that she is not the girl for me. But I still like her a little though. I'm just not sure how to play this game now. I don't wanna set my hopes up too high - but of course I can try. I won't get her back if I don't meet her again. That's for sure. Except from the lunch we are having someday soon, she is going on a camping trip next weekend. It is a little festival with about 200 people and I had planned to go there (went last year) before I knew she was. When I met her last night I canceled all my plans as I didn't wanna meet her again. Now I'm looking at it as an opportunity for me. A little bit about our breakup. Like I said it was a mutual agreement. She was the one who initiated it. Things just weren't working. I lived with my parents. She lived with her sister and we had very little privacy. So it was just due to circumstances that we broke it off. We cared a lot about each other. A little bit about me. When I met her I was quite inexperienced. She was my first real love (I'm 23). I was like every inexperienced guy - a little needy, a little jelous when she wanted to spend time with her friends without me and I overanalyzed everything. I though a lot about her past which she didn't wanna tell me anything about and I felt bad about it. Since we broke it off I've been partying a lot with my friend who is a real player. This resulting in me been dating a lot of girls and I've had a quite a few one night stands for the past half year. I have changed a lot and I want to show that to her ... but of course not obviously. I have learned that if a relationship is going to work, I cannot act and be like I was the first time. Well, I think this should cover most of our history and the "meeting again" thing. Can anyone give me some advice on how I should play this game. I really want this girl back in my life ... but I'm gonna need some help here. Do you think that I'm setting myself up to further disappointment. Should I just leave it alone and continue and move on and continue to have one night stands and meaningless sex. Someone told me that a breakup is like a broken mirror...better to leave it broken instead of trying to repair it and hurt yourself more. Well ... this should end it for now Any comments will be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
madgun68 Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Kelso, If the relationship had ended differently, I'd tell you that you should let her go and move on. But you said that both of you still cared about each other and it just was a matter of circumstances. I say give it another shot. Just don't try to pick up where you left off. You two have been seperated for a while.. Treat it as if you were dating her for the first time and give both of you a chance to get to know each other again. You've changed and she may have too. Give her a chance to see those changes. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelso Posted July 1, 2007 Author Share Posted July 1, 2007 Thank you for your advice Madgun. What you said is pretty much what I've been planning. Planning is probably not the right word - as I'm not creating some master plan. That leads to overanalysing and doing that is something that doesn't suit me. I just don't know how to begin with expressing the idea of us back together. I could tell her that I want to try to give it another chance - but that's probably not the way to go. I probably have to charm her again. I'm just a little afraid to look like "the loser who keeps trying". There is this one thing that bothers me a little from last night. We were holding hands and she was dragging me around inside that bar. And it was holding hands like couples do...my finger - her finger - my finger - her finger - my finger etc. Not like how I hold my little sisters hand so she won't run away. I asked her if I could come with them to her apartment and have a little after party. She told me that she didn't think it is a good idea to do that while both of us being drunk. It was around 7 o'clock in the morning. I walked with them towards their house and then she said ... "shouldn't you start looking for a taxi". I said yes and asked her if she would like to have lunch later this week. She said that it was a good idea. Does it mean anything that she didn't want me to her place. Of course there could be billion reasons why she didn't want me there. Her apartment might be a mess - dirty bedsheets, the fact that it was 7 o'clock in the morning and she had been yawning for the past 1,5 hour... etc. And of course the fact that she simply didn't want me to come with her. Well - I'm starting to overanalyze now as you can see I have learned a lot about relationships here on LS. My idea of a successful relationship was "hanging together every night - called her everyday to make plans for the evening...etc." I kind of suffocated her. Wanting to spend every minute together. Of course she also wanted to spend time with her sister and her other friends. I was just to inexperienced to realize that then. But I do know these things now and a lot has changed in my life since then. How can I show that to her that I've changed without telling her. Can I please get some other opinions here. I think I really have a shot here at something that had become so distant in my mind Have a nice day! Kelso Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 I agree with madgun's advice about starting over like it's a new relationship, and also that it might be worth a shot given the circumstances of your original relationship and break-up.... why not? Just take it slow, let her set the pace for now, and please don't torment yourself with too many expectations. I mean, you might have them, just let them happen, but keep a part of yourself guarded. I'm not sure it's a coincidence you ran into each other twice in a row... don't you think it's possible she orchestrated that? Best of luck to you, no matter how it goes. You sound like a great guy; self- aware, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelso Posted July 2, 2007 Author Share Posted July 2, 2007 Thank you also Polywog for the answer I seriously doubt that she might have orchestrated the second meeting. I saw her and her sister from some distance, and I can admit that I had to cross the street do "accidentally" meet her. I pretended to be busy on the cellphone while we were all getting closer and I saw smile on their face about 15 meters before we met. Then I "hung up" the phone But after all, it was her who asked me if I wanted to go to the bar. It was her who took my hand. It was her who followed me and dragged all her friends around when I went to the second floor. And it was her who said, "we'll wait outside" when the bar was closing and I had to go to the toilet. Can't wait until the lunch ... but I'm gonna wait until Wednesday or Thursday ... Everyone is pissed at the beginning of the work week. Any comments still appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelso Posted July 2, 2007 Author Share Posted July 2, 2007 Thank you also Polywog for the answer I seriously doubt that she might have orchestrated the second meeting. I saw her and her sister from some distance, and I can admit that I had to cross the street do "accidentally" meet her. I pretended to be busy on the cellphone while we were all getting closer and I saw smile on their face about 15 meters before we met. Then I "hung up" the phone But after all, it was her who asked me if I wanted to go to the bar. It was her who took my hand. It was her who followed me and dragged all her friends along when I went to the second floor. And it was her who said, "we'll wait outside" when the bar was closing and I had to go to the toilet. I noticed especially the part about keeping myself guarded. I will do that. I'm definitely not going to let it set me back if she doesn't want anything to do with me. Can't wait until the lunch ... but I'm gonna wait until Wednesday or Thursday ... Everyone is pissed at the beginning of the work week. Any comments still appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelso Posted July 2, 2007 Author Share Posted July 2, 2007 Thanks again my good men ... I see I have posted my answer twice yesterday . I've been having this weird feeling in my stomach all day long. It's a mix of excitement and the thought that I'm just setting myself up for more pain. I've come a long road in my healing process and I don't wanna take too many steps back if this won't be anything. Is there any female out there who can give me any advice or someone who has been in a similar situation. 8 months is a lot of time and the thought of us back together was so far far away in my mind. But the way she behaved last weekend gives me a glimpse of hope. She showed that she cared but didn't allow me to go too far. Is it a good sign or a bad sign... Kelso ... who has a lot on his mind right now Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kelso Posted July 5, 2007 Author Share Posted July 5, 2007 Well ... I followed your advices by playing it slow and cool. Text messaged her last night and asked if she wanted to meet for a lunch today (I live in the GMT Time Zone). After a little while ... ca. half an hour I received a answer and we text messaged back and forth a little while to organize the place and timing etc. The texts contained a lot of smileys. We were gonna meet at 12 o'clock at this particular restaurant in the city center, about 10 minutes from each of us workplaces. She showed up about 10 minutes later than we had discussed. Apologized and stuff. Well, we had a reaaallly nice chat with a lot of laughing and we looked into each other eyes a lot .. of course. Discussed old times ... what we'd been up to for the past 8 months ...what we've planned to do this summer ... discussed the camping trip a little. I told her that I hadn't decided if I was gonna go - because I've been invited to a birthday party. Actually I'm gonna go with some of my friends. I just didn't wanna seem to interested ... as I'm taking it slowly like you guys said. She's been online on MSN since we came back from the lunch - but I've resisted to start a chat. As I'm being cool and not being needy Next thing is the camping trip tomorrow. I'm going there with 2 of my best friends and some of his girlfriends friends (all female). Actually I think it's supposed to be a setup (some girl and I)... don't like the idea this particular weekend We've spent some time together now for the past five days and we've gotten along great. Now I just don't know how to show her that I'm interested in us getting back together. I just don't know how I can express my feelings towards her ... probably because I don't know how she feels. Your advices have proved really good so far ... so keep them coming Over and out ... Kelso ... who loves you all Link to post Share on other sites
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