oh my god. Somebody slap me!

[child_of_isis]

I just heard from the neighborhood, that my SO told a neighbor that the reason he left was because I didn't cook and clean and blah blah!

 

So I call the SO and leave on his voice mail..."the only thing this tells me about you is that this is what you think women are for...cook/clean/sex/ etc.

This just verifies what I have been feeling as of late....that I am nothing to you but someone who does your laundry, cooks your meals, keeps the house clean, have sex with..etc.

 

People...to say that I am blown away is putting it mildly.

 

It is true. I felt used. I was being used!

 

Did I say blown away?

[Curmudgeon]

I just heard from the neighborhood, that my SO told a neighbor that the reason he left was because I didn't cook and clean and blah blah!

 

You left out the fact that you weren't barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen.

 

So tell me, was this Neanderthal's greatest daily challenge scraping his knuckles up off the floor and standing upright?

 

Was his favorite pastime beating his chest and roaring?

 

Please also tell me he's no longer your SO.

[child_of_isis]

lol...I knew I could count on you.

 

Oh no, he "left". He also tried to leave behind 4 truckloads of "stuff". Of which I called his brothers in to clear out. That pissed him off to no end.

 

He is calling everyday. Begging to come home. I usually don't answer. I dunno...maybe his laundry needs done? ;-)

[Curmudgeon]

lol...I knew I could count on you.

 

Oh no, he "left". He also tried to leave behind 4 truckloads of "stuff". Of which I called his brothers in to clear out. That pissed him off to no end.

 

He is calling everyday. Begging to come home. I usually don't answer. I dunno...maybe his laundry needs done? ;-)

 

Happy to be dependable. It's my stock in trade.

 

Begging is SO unattractive.

 

More likely he needs a plumber!

[Hyperpen12000]

I just heard from the neighborhood, that my SO told a neighbor that the reason he left was because I didn't cook and clean and blah blah!

 

So I call the SO and leave on his voice mail..."the only thing this tells me about you is that this is what you think women are for...cook/clean/sex/ etc.

This just verifies what I have been feeling as of late....that I am nothing to you but someone who does your laundry, cooks your meals, keeps the house clean, have sex with..etc.

 

People...to say that I am blown away is putting it mildly.

 

It is true. I felt used. I was being used!

 

Did I say blown away?

 

Was he returning the favor as far as cooking and clean? (Can't fault a lot man for not being able to cook though) If he wasn't returning the favor, He was wrong! Good riddance!! I prefer a women who knows how to cook and clean. Shows Independent and that she will be able to take care of our children someday. But I would feel extreme guilty not helping out.

[Phoebe]

I just heard from the neighborhood, that my SO told a neighbor that the reason he left was because I didn't cook and clean and blah blah!

 

It is true. I felt used. I was being used!

 

Sorry to laugh but I've heard the same thing myself. My husband once told me that if I didn't cook or clean what did he need me for?! Needless to say I was not impressed. To cut a long story short I pointed out that if he needed someone to cook and clean then he needed a maid not a wife, also that I wasn't with him because I needed him but because I wanted to be with him. Hmm, how things change.

 

Anyways sounds to be like you're doing the right thing. Keep him out, you're more than just a maid for some inconsiderate jerk!

[child_of_isis]

The major oddity is that it is a flat out lie.

 

I am by nature a neat freak. My house is spotless. But that is for me and only me....

 

And yes. I cook. Matter of fact I cooked twice today already. Once for myself, once for my dog. He had a meal every night waiting when he 'decided' to come home. If it was cold upon his being 8 hours late, hey, not my problem.

 

I do not eat out often. Which seemed to be a problem a lot here. I taught my child (who is now 20) to eat salads veggies, lean meats, etc. To which the fat ass pig face (all 300 pounds of him) would snarl his lip at and go to McDonalds.

 

His ideal of reciprocating the cooking was to go to Rallys and grab Big Bufords. Thanks but no thanks. Cleaning? No. He would throw his laundry in the washer every once in a while. Of course it would sit there until I threw it in the dryer.

 

This has run me through the gamut of emotions.

 

First it was anger, then relief knowing that my thinking was right, now it is just plain ole disgust toward him.

 

And also disbelief. I spent 13 years with a man that I had total _complete_ faith in. One day I wake up and he is gone. Replaced by some horrible lump of flesh that doesn't deserve oxygen. (okay, maybe I still have a bit of the anger going on....rofl...)

[Curmudgeon]

Can't fault a lot man for not being able to cook though

 

I'm a man and I'm an extremely good cook in a number of languages.

 

If you can't cook then basically you can't properly take care of yourself if you happen to be single. Sure you can eat out and live on fast food but the operative word was, "properly."

 

As a bonus, my chidlren (all five of them, all adults) periodically ask me to cook certain signature dishes of mine for them and all of my wife's and my grandchildren ask for certain of Grandpa's dishes, especially breakfasts. Come to think of it, my wife does too.

 

Cooking is a wonderful, expressive form of creativity and has practical uses as well. It's something I m,ade sure all my children learned, including both my sons. Good thing. The women they married don't/can't cook.

 

I consider it a very necessary skill.

[Curmudgeon]

Can't fault a lot man for not being able to cook though

 

I consider it essential to being able to be truly independent.

 

I'm an excellent cook with a number of signature dishes my five adult children still ask me to prepare at times and my wife's and my grandchildren are always asking for Grandpa's breakfasts. Cme to think of it, my wife loves it when I cook as well, just as I enjoy it when she does. I also made sure all my children, including my two sons, could cook, and they can.

 

Cooking is a wonderfully expressive form of creativity. It's not just enjoyable but functional as well. If you can't cook and fend for yourself you may as well just stay with Mommy!

[Curmudgeon]

Sorry about the double post. Didn't think the first one "took" so I started over.

[VIP]

You wanted him to leave, he left. So move on, it's over (unless you want to continue).

[child_of_isis]

I have full intention of moving on. Due to the happenings of the last couple of years, I am not even sure that I love him anymore. I think I slowly shut it down.

 

What I am not understanding is the anger. Why do get I angry when I hear something like this? Or he calls and leaves some stupid message on the answering machine. Even my daughter asked..."why do you even care what he said?"

 

All I could do was sputter. I couldn't answer her.

 

I am not an angry/vengeful/spiteful person...

 

Truthfully, now that he is gone, I have the life of Riley. I have my own cute little house, my own time, the finest child in the world who is off for the summer and staying with me..the absolutest grandest dog in the world. I don't have to play maid to a grown man. I am not the type to get lonely....so I can't say that I miss the pos SO.

 

Everything is absolutely perfect except the anger. I don't know where it is coming from or what to do about it.

 

Can anyone clue me in?

[nittygritty]

The major oddity is that it is a flat out lie.

 

I am by nature a neat freak. My house is spotless. But that is for me and only me....

 

And yes. I cook. Matter of fact I cooked twice today already. Once for myself, once for my dog. He had a meal every night waiting when he 'decided' to come home. If it was cold upon his being 8 hours late, hey, not my problem.

 

I do not eat out often. Which seemed to be a problem a lot here. I taught my child (who is now 20) to eat salads veggies, lean meats, etc. To which the fat ass pig face (all 300 pounds of him) would snarl his lip at and go to McDonalds.

 

His ideal of reciprocating the cooking was to go to Rallys and grab Big Bufords. Thanks but no thanks. Cleaning? No. He would throw his laundry in the washer every once in a while. Of course it would sit there until I threw it in the dryer.

 

This has run me through the gamut of emotions.

 

First it was anger, then relief knowing that my thinking was right, now it is just plain ole disgust toward him.

 

And also disbelief. I spent 13 years with a man that I had total _complete_ faith in. One day I wake up and he is gone. Replaced by some horrible lump of flesh that doesn't deserve oxygen. (okay, maybe I still have a bit of the anger going on....rofl...)

 

I would bet that he knew that telling the neighbors that would make you mad. It sounds like he is wanting a reaction out of you so try not to give him one. I would also bet wherever he's living is dirty and he is having a hard time trying to fix himself something to eat.

[Phoebe]

I have full intention of moving on. Due to the happenings of the last couple of years, I am not even sure that I love him anymore. I think I slowly shut it down.

 

What I am not understanding is the anger. Why do get I angry when I hear something like this? Or he calls and leaves some stupid message on the answering machine. Even my daughter asked..."why do you even care what he said?"

 

All I could do was sputter. I couldn't answer her.

 

I am not an angry/vengeful/spiteful person...

 

Truthfully, now that he is gone, I have the life of Riley. I have my own cute little house, my own time, the finest child in the world who is off for the summer and staying with me..the absolutest grandest dog in the world. I don't have to play maid to a grown man. I am not the type to get lonely....so I can't say that I miss the pos SO.

 

Everything is absolutely perfect except the anger. I don't know where it is coming from or what to do about it.

 

Can anyone clue me in?

 

Because you spent 13 years running about after this man who obviously didn't appreciate it. You did it no doubt because you loved him. Then he leaves you (which hurts anyway) and comes up with a BS reason about you not cleaning or cooking. He's downgraded you from SO to maid that wasn't performing her job to standard and so he 'fired' you. You've got every right to be angry.

[nittygritty]

I have full intention of moving on. Due to the happenings of the last couple of years, I am not even sure that I love him anymore. I think I slowly shut it down.

 

What I am not understanding is the anger. Why do get I angry when I hear something like this? Or he calls and leaves some stupid message on the answering machine. Even my daughter asked..."why do you even care what he said?"

 

All I could do was sputter. I couldn't answer her.

 

I am not an angry/vengeful/spiteful person...

 

Truthfully, now that he is gone, I have the life of Riley. I have my own cute little house, my own time, the finest child in the world who is off for the summer and staying with me..the absolutest grandest dog in the world. I don't have to play maid to a grown man. I am not the type to get lonely....so I can't say that I miss the pos SO.

 

Everything is absolutely perfect except the anger. I don't know where it is coming from or what to do about it.

 

Can anyone clue me in?

 

Its just a stage of grieving the loss of the relationship or kicking a bad habit. Its also a coping mechanism. 13 years is a long time to live with somebody and I think anybody would feel angry in your shoes, so try not to be so hard on yourself.

[child_of_isis]

Oh, yeah, good points. Especially the "kicking a bad habit". This could very well be a part of the withdrawal....even though it feels good to be free.

 

I don't think that I am grieving the loss of a relationship. In the last year or so, my ideal of the "perfect life" didn't include him. (it doesn't include a partner or relationship at all) It is closer to what my life is now. Actually, just a few minor tweaks and I am there.

 

And also being downgraded to maid. Very good point. I used to be the absolute apple of this guy's eye. Until the last couple of years.

 

These 2 things are definitely aspects of the anger issue. But hey...I am open to more suggestions and stuff, so keep them coming.

 

I don't think I know how to handle anger. It is almost foreign to me. My ideal of handling it is to leave a voice mail busting his sorry butt.

 

It's like... ha ha! You said it wasn't this way but I knew it was.

 

It is almost like I have to let him know THAT I NOW KNOW that my thinking processes WERE NOT DEFECTIVE.

[Hyperpen12000]

Can't fault a lot man for not being able to cook though

 

I'm a man and I'm an extremely good cook in a number of languages.

 

If you can't cook then basically you can't properly take care of yourself if you happen to be single. Sure you can eat out and live on fast food but the operative word was, "properly."

 

As a bonus, my chidlren (all five of them, all adults) periodically ask me to cook certain signature dishes of mine for them and all of my wife's and my grandchildren ask for certain of Grandpa's dishes, especially breakfasts. Come to think of it, my wife does too.

 

Cooking is a wonderful, expressive form of creativity and has practical uses as well. It's something I m,ade sure all my children learned, including both my sons. Good thing. The women they married don't/can't cook.

 

I consider it a very necessary skill.

 

Well, you're one of a kind. A man who likes to cook! NOT SHOCKING! Not all males (especially growing up) spent their time in the kitchen like you did. Most males growing up lean towards being athletic, hobbyist, and adventurous, which leaves little time and interest to learn how to cook. When they do learn, it's later down the line. I can cook, but my GF cooks better. I really love that about her. It's a turn on.

 

You saying guys who can't cook need to live back home with mommy is an unorthodox statement becuase the majority of young-men find interest in other things growing up. If boys, who will soon be men, need to learn how to cook, their parents should take them into the kitchen at an early age.

 

The attitude of it being okay for men, especially women, not knowing how to cook is the reason why astonishing family recipes get lost.

[JayLK]

I just heard from the neighborhood, that my SO told a neighbor that the reason he left was because I didn't cook and clean and blah blah!

 

So I call the SO and leave on his voice mail..."the only thing this tells me about you is that this is what you think women are for...cook/clean/sex/ etc.

This just verifies what I have been feeling as of late....that I am nothing to you but someone who does your laundry, cooks your meals, keeps the house clean, have sex with..etc.

 

People...to say that I am blown away is putting it mildly.

 

It is true. I felt used. I was being used!

 

Did I say blown away?

 

That's the problem with men and women today: they like to play the Neanderthal / sex card against their SO to excuse their own shortcomings.