Better off after Divorce??

[TXButterfly]

I have my own thread here but wanted to post this question separately. Are you, or is someone else you know BETTER OFF after going through a divorce?

Found even better love? A better life?

 

I think I need to hear some stories of hope to get me through this.

[Tony T]

Logically, every person who gets a divorce is better off. No matter which one wants the divorce, it takes two to make a marriage. If one is no longer interested there is no longer a marriage. If either one wants out, it's got to happen if all avenues of healing have been exhausted.

 

There is never any good thing to come from remaining in an unhappy situation. How could you NOT be better off out of something like that? A divorce always frees up both parties to find someone who truly wants to be with them...at least for another block of time. I'm not sure those days of forever as still with us.

[GreenEyedLady]

I have my own thread here but wanted to post this question separately. Are you, or is someone else you know BETTER OFF after going through a divorce?

Found even better love? A better life?

 

I think I need to hear some stories of hope to get me through this.

 

Ok, I AM BETTER OFF!

 

First, I have a better standard of living, live in a home in a nicer neighborhood, make more money and have even more education...

 

I no longer cry every day or feel like I wish I would die during the night so I didn't have to continue...

 

Now I am a single mother of two wonderful school-age children...I have been separated four years and divorced for three...

 

My XH sees the kids way more now than he did when he lived full-time with them...they've adjusted well to the situation...

 

I have become a stronger person and am doing GREAT!!! I have a much better life. And I'm happy with who I am and what I am doing. I'm not afraid to stand up for myself or my children and I'm not afraid to make my own dreams come true...

 

I was the one who left. We married too young and he hadn't quite realized the truth about himself...

 

All I can say is that my divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me...It's sad to say, but sometimes it is the best thing...

 

Hang in there! It does get better!!!

 

(((HUGS)))

[Trialbyfire]

Absolutely there's a much better life after divorce. It felt like I had removed an incredible amount of weight off my shoulders. A completely freeing experience since it was in direct contrast to D-day and after.

 

If you don't think you could ever fully forgive your wayward spouse, take the step and give yourself a chance to find some personal happiness.

[Woggle]

Though I am remarried right now my divorce from my first was the best thing that ever happened to me. It woke up something in me I never knew I had.

[dgiirl]

Even tho I never wanted a divorce, and I fought hard to save my marriage, I am SO much better off now than I ever was married. The breakup was very painful for me, and I still feel twinges of pain every now and again, but if I look at my life objectively from when I was married and how it is now? It's amazing the changes that has happened and how much happier I am NOW than I ever was married. This is no fault on my exhusband. It's just I took the opportunity to reevaluate my life and make the necessary changes to make myself happy again. I am blessed with a great apartment, a good job, lots of friends and family support. I'm a lot more grateful and appreciative of life. And I'm a lot more happier with myself. I'm doing everything I want to do. Lots of things that make me happy. Things I stopped doing when I was with my ex because he never shared an interest in them. I LOVE my life right now. Sure, I might not have the fairy tale of being happily married forever and ever, but damn, I'm pretty darn happy and blessed for something I never choose to happen.

[TXButterfly]

THANKS, that helps. I'd love to hear more

[EnigmaXOXO]

Found even better love?

 

Yes.

 

A better life?

 

Yes.

 

Ironically, I don’t regret one miserable moment of that other place in time. Although I would never want to revisit it ... it sure taught me a lot.

[Thackery]

TXB,

 

Although I am not yet in the position to absolutely say that a divorce was DEFINITELY a good thing, I can see myself there soon. The previous posts were right, if both parties are not working on the marriage--there is no marriage (my case). I always said that if my marriage was not going to work, that I would go down in flames attempting to make it work. I did, and it didn't. BUT, Regarding my happiness, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sure I have bad moments, but they are becoming fewer and I am looking to the good things that my life is going to bring to me. Today is not that great, as I signed the first of the many documents to dissolve my marriage, but tomorrow will be better. . . I will make sure of it.

 

How are you guys going to handle your business? We are going to continue to be business partners and I think that we can both do this. It does help that we are 400 miles apart . Makes detaching much easier!

 

Bottom line is that 2 months ago when she dropped the bomb, I was devistated. . . a freakin basket case!!! But, since that time I have come a long way and will continue to do so. You just need to (as everyone here says) focus on yourself and meeting YOUR needs at this time!

 

Best of luck!!

 

Thackery

[HerrJ]

I am better off more or less. It's been almost seven months now.

 

I am definitely better off financially. I've been able to accumulate a nice balance in my savings account, and have been able to do some nice things for myself.

 

My daily stress level has gone way down - I no longer have to worry about all the ongoing drama that was in my marriage.

 

Day by day, things got better. 1 month out - ugh. don't talk to me. Just let me work, sleep, and eat. 3 months out - alright ready to branch out. Joined a local divorce support group. 5 months out - weather got nice, went on a long overdue vacation. Started being more social again.

 

Today - couldn't imagine myself going back to her and that marriage. I learned to be happy and content with who I am and what I have. I've had to relearn some stuff about being single - well still in that process...but yes, totally better off now that I am able to look back with a lot clearer head.

[Herzen]

I am substantially better-off post D. I now have an incredible lightness of being after years of oppressive weight. While I've not found true love, I'm having great sex.

 

Most importantly, my children and I remain bonded and extremely close. That is the best result of all.

[Lizzie60]

in all aspects...

 

After my first ex... it took me a while but eventually I was much better off financially, emotionally, etc.

 

After my second ex, then again it took me about a year and a half...then I was much much better off in all aspects... I never ever wanted a long-term committed relationship since... but then I am not 20 anymore...

 

I will be 55 this week..and I would NEVER trade my life with any married woman or committed woman out there... I love every second of my single life...

 

I am free... have great sex with anyone I want, no permission to ask... I spend MY money the way I want... and the list goes on...

 

I'm unbelievably happy, more than I never anticipated.

[Herzen]

These generally positive responses are consistent with an AARP Study done a few years ago regarding divorce in couples between 40-60.

 

Most respondents reported feeling substantially happier two years or more post divorce.

 

Also, an article on MSNBC.com discusses a "twins" study that links post-divorce depression in kids to genes as opposed to divorce.

 

That doesn't mean that divorce has no impact on the mental heath of children. Of course it does.

 

I still believe it's the level of parental conflict that determines how badly children react to a divorce.

[Lizzie60]

I still believe it's the level of parental conflict that determines how badly children react to a divorce.

 

It is how the parents deal with the divorce and if they put their kids as the priority through the ordeal...that's what makes the difference... I totally agree.

[notspiritual]

It is easy to understand that a man is better off after the divorce (no more drama).But when a woman says she is better off, it sounds fake.

 

If a woman is not married, it is rarely because of a personal choice. They have simply lost the physical attractiveness to attract a man who will love them exclusively. Sometimes they are burden with children or have serious emotional issues to attract another man. Deep inside they are sad because their dream as a little girl to find a charming prince that will sweep them off their feet did not happen. They won’t grow old under the protection of a strong man, a soul mate. So they try to compensate and make the most of their single life, sometimes they truly reach some happiness but they secretly know it is nothing compared to the happiness they could have found with the man of their dream.

 

For a man, it is never too late to find his dream wife, because his attractiveness relies on his social status which usually increases with time. While a woman’s attractiveness to a man is mainly physical attractiveness and this is decreasing with time.

[alphamale]

I have my own thread here but wanted to post this question separately. Are you, or is someone else you know BETTER OFF after going through a divorce?

like everything else in life, being "better off" is relative

[anna13]

I'm not divorced yet ,but have been on the verge and currently in a situation where unhappiness is thriving in my marriage . I would just say that Divorce hurs badly of course. but in the long run , it has got to be better than being in a relationship that is really one sided or just unhappy everyday . I mean it just has to be better. how could it not be right? once you get over the heartache and the financial pain of it all , i think it would be better.

 

If a woman is not married, it is rarely because of a personal choice. They have simply lost the physical attractiveness to attract a man who will love them exclusively. Sometimes they are burden with children or have serious emotional issues to attract another man. Deep inside they are sad because their dream as a little girl to find a charming prince that will sweep them off their feet did not happen. They won’t grow old under the protection of a strong man, a soul mate. So they try to compensate and make the most of their single life, sometimes they truly reach some happiness but they secretly know it is nothing compared to the happiness they could have found with the man of their dream

.

wow .. that is a quite interesting comment there...sure , women dont want to be divorced , unless their husband is a total creep or loser. they dont want the kids to be without a father,but i also think women have much more to them then just trying to be with a man . and also , it has always been men who persued women not vice versa. So to me , that comment doesnt really hold true in all circumstances.

[Gunny376]

Of my 50 years walking about the planet ~ I've been single 39 of them ~ that is to say that I was married for twelve years. Of those 39 I shacked up with a gal for four years of a six and half year relationship.

 

I've had money during times of not being in a relationship, and I've most definately have nothad money while being married and being in a relationship ~ I prefere to have money, the bills paid on time and not struggling.

 

I've had jobs where I had "stress-monkey's" all over my back, bosses "sweating" me, and SOB's trying to stab me in the back, throw me under the bus ~ just to see the look on my face, or to get ahead of me.

 

I've suffered through a cheating spouse, a year long sepearation, a divorce, bankruptcy, financial troubles, depression, going back to WalMart to re-buy all that crap that I had already bought once before. I've been through good times, hard times, crying times, and "just suck it up and deal with it times!"

 

Un-questionably, the times I was the most happiest ~ for the most prolonged time ~ was when I have been single. One thing for damn sure and certain you just can't go wrong by yourself, and its damned hard staying mad with or argue with yourself for very long.

 

I've long ago come to recognize that the person that's responsible for my own personal happines is ME! That's my job and no one else's! If I ain't happy ~ I've got no one else to blame but me.

 

Financially I owe less, own more, earn more than I ever have in my life. What I do owe on ~ I'm paying off at an expotential rate, or I as a goal use 30% of my credit poetential ~ just to keep my FICO score active and healthy.

 

If it came down to it ~ I rather miserable single than miserable married ~ and I've been both. The misery with being single, ~ well the highs are higher and the lows are lower ~ but there a hell of a lot shorter in duration. With marriage ~ the misery just seems to never end! The "storms of life" just keep on coming one after another. I'd take the misery of being single with the "higher" ~ highs, and there "lower" ~ lows over the prolonged agnony and misery of marriage anyday.

 

The miserys of being single are easier to "snap" out of ~ than the troubles of being married.

 

There are those among us, men and women ~ that are strong, self dependent, self supporting, and independent that don't want to get married, don't want to shack up. Prefectly content to have a faithful

one-on-one relationship. She's got her place ~ I've got mine, we get together. Think of it as an exclusive FWB type relationship ++++! Its just that when she or he gets in a bad mood ~ they've got somewhere to go until they get in a better mood.

 

 

I'm not oppossed to marriage per say! But, me, myself and I? I'm not looking for it, I'm not looking for marriage, a wife, etc. Marriage is going to have to find me?

 

I can tell you this much, for damned sure and certain! You see my azz in the Sunday papers talking about getting married? You can bet your last dollar that she's all that and then some!

 

You want true, un-dying love, un-conditional love, devotion, committment?

 

GET A DOG!

[notspiritual]

it has always been men who persued women not vice versa.

 

Women, at the peak of their physical attractiveness, control the dating game. They have a lot of choices. But as they grow older, women feel the competition from youger women and are willing to settle for less than charming prince. The dating dynamics are reversed and the power goes back to the men as seasoned good men are difficult to find. The value of man tend to grow (growing social status, solid financial situation) while the value of a woman tend to decrease (decreasing physical attractiveness). Therefore, these women don't have the choice but to remain unmarried because they are not desirable anymore.

 

But the dating dynamics is about the change even for younger women. Learning from the horrible experience of older married men, the smart and successful young men have decided to not get married until they are past 30. Sometimes, they simply have decided never to get married. So competition among younger women for these alpha males is fierce. Smart women pursue these alpha men and know that they can only keep them around for marriage if they do not try to change them.

 

Nowadays, younger women still have the power in early games. But they have power over nice guys who wants to get married and who will end up pussy-whiped by them. So these women though they have the early power end up in divorce falling in the non-desirable category as previously described, wishing that they had the character to pursue the real alpha man of their dream instead of letting herself being pursed by doormats.

[Woggle]

I think that a person has to be happy single in order to be able to find a happy marriage. In the years between my marriage I learned to go for what I want and that I could do anything I set my mind to. I found a strength that I never knew I had. My attituder was that either I find a woman that loves me for who I am and treats me how I deserve to be treated or I would remain happily single. The former happend but I would have been perfectly happy with latter. I have somebody that accepts me for who I am and does not try to change me at all. She knows that I will walk away from her instead of being walked over and I think she respects that. I have a great career, great friends and a an all around great life without her and she is a great addition to that instead of taking away from it. If I never met her though or somebody as good as her I would have stayed happiy single.

[Gunny376]

Women, at the peak of their physical attractiveness, control the dating game. They have a lot of choices. But as they grow older, women feel the competition from youger women and are willing to settle for less than charming prince. The dating dynamics are reversed and the power goes back to the men as seasoned good men are difficult to find. The value of man tend to grow (growing social status, solid financial situation) while the value of a woman tend to decrease (decreasing physical attractiveness). Therefore, these women don't have the choice but to remain unmarried because they are not desirable anymore.

 

But the dating dynamics is about the change even for younger women. Learning from the horrible experience of older married men, the smart and successful young men have decided to not get married until they are past 30. Sometimes, they simply have decided never to get married. So competition among younger women for these alpha males is fierce. Smart women pursue these alpha men and know that they can only keep them around for marriage if they do not try to change them.

 

Nowadays, younger women still have the power in early games. But they have power over nice guys who wants to get married and who will end up pussy-whiped by them. So these women though they have the early power end up in divorce falling in the non-desirable category as previously described, wishing that they had the character to pursue the real alpha man of their dream instead of letting herself being pursed by doormats.

 

 

BINGO!

 

Spitting tobacco juice!

 

That's a "goody!"

 

Dead on AP, the problem with a lot of women is they think they still have the edge in the retirement home in their 70's and 80's!

[Trialbyfire]

The smart and selective woman will always be attractive, regardless of age. She will take care of herself because her self-esteem and self-respect remain high. As she ages, she gains maturity, experience and depth so she continues to be in high demand.

[Woggle]

The smart and selective woman will always be attractive, regardless of age. She will take care of herself because her self-esteem and self-respect remain high. As she ages, she gains maturity, experience and depth so she continues to be in high demand.

 

This is very true but these overly botoxed women with ten layers of makeup on who wear all these designer clothes and swear they are the sexiest thing on earth are gross. Some women go around looking like wax figures and they think it is attractive. Then again some young women do that as well. Makeup and botox can't hide the ugliness and shallowness inside.

[Trialbyfire]

This is very true but these overly botoxed women with ten layers of makeup on who wear all these designer clothes and swear they are the sexiest thing on earth are gross. Some women go around looking like wax figures and they think it is attractive. Then again some young women do that as well. Makeup and botox can't hide the ugliness and shallowness inside.

That's where the smart and selective portion come into play. Cosmetic surgery is not the answer. Attractiveness is not solely reliant on physical beauty and even then an aging woman has her own brand of attractiveness, if she plays to her strengths, not her weaknesses. An older woman who wears high and low, looks like a cougar on the make...

[Woggle]

That's where the smart and selective portion come into play. Cosmetic surgery is not the answer. Attractiveness is not solely reliant on physical beauty and even then an aging woman has her own brand of attractiveness, if she plays to her strengths, not her weaknesses. An older woman who wears high and low, looks like a cougar on the make...

 

This is very true. My wife has never had any work done and won't go near botox but she is beautiful. I think some of it has to do with who she is inside as well. Men need to stop going strictly on the phsyical because many attractive women are ugly on the inside.