Did he get the message or not?

[LoveLace]

I was in tears until Sunday morning, after hearing my roommate talk to his buddy about the soooo hot chick who is a chiropractor and begs him to be her boyfriend, which he supposedly tells her no...

 

anyhow, I was crying for hours after that, as we had just an argument that prompted him to say "we are not a couple"...cuz I guess he thought I was mad about him dating. But I was mad over something completely unrelated. He felt silly once he knew what I was REALLY mad about. But the couple thing got to me. Then the sooo hot girl thing really got to me. I called his voice mail yesterday and told him "you've never had to worry about me thinking of us as a couple, cuz you remind me on a constant basis that I wouldn't be good enough for you anyway". I wasn't yelling when I said it...I just said it.

 

He called back a couple minutes later but I missed the call. His message said "I missed your call and I'm still driving to work so call me back". I didn't call him back, cuz he would have been to work by then. I'm guessing he didn't listen to the message...this was last night.

 

This morning he didn't say hi to me, nor did he say good bye as he left for work. Is he like, mad at me? Does he feel bad? Did he hear the damn message? I just don't know what to do. I had to let him know he hurts me. But I'm not angry at him..maybe he doesn't understand that.

[Sweetcheripie]

Oh sweetie, I'm sorry for what you are going through. I have read your story and how much you care for this man. But I think it is time you put your love and attention to yourself. You seem so sweet and caring and really want to "fix" this guy but it doesn't seem like he wants to be fixed.

 

I think you should move out - look for anther roomie, maybe another nursing student? You are beautiful inside and out and you are wasting too much time on this guy.

 

Sometimes, we get lazy. We settle. It is hard being out there facing rejection in the dating world and we get scared and just wish and pray that the one that is right there in front of us would work out. But, honestly, it sounds like you have given it your all. It is not bringing you any joy or happiness.

 

Again, I'm sorry - I know you are in a lot of pain but in time you will grow stronger from this - I promise.

 

What would really make you happy? This situation is causing you to doubt everything about yourself. You are young and have such a bright future ahead of you. Start going out with gals from school, study at Starbuck's or Panerra - just get out there!!

 

But, truly, get away from this guy. You think he is your friend but from all that you have written I don't think this guy is even that. He is a Dad who does drugs, talks about hot girls, and not very responsible. What is it that you really like about him - what do you see that has not come across in your postings?

[LoveLace]

Thanks. I love him for all his good qualities, which I'm never as likely to talk about here, cuz I only come here when I feel like I need advice. He has kind heart, but he is clueless. He speaks his mind, and he only sees good in people, way before he sees bad. Even when he has a lot of stress, or a lot on his mind, he doesn't complain. He says "oh well, it'll all be over soon". He tries to see humor in things, and tries to stay optimistic about things. He loves to be Mr. Fix It and enjoys being home, as opposed to being out at clubs or bars (especially since he works at a bar, and he doesnt even drink)...he has goals and ambitions. And I know he has the ability to make his dreams come true..I just think he questions weather or not he will have the resources and means to do so. At his job now, he runs it better than any other manager, cuz he's not drunk all the time like the rest, and he knows how to make good business decisions, etc. He wants a house so badly. If he got a house, he would put his heart and soul into it. He wants to be a family man. But maybe his definition of "family" is really just him and his kids. Perhaps a person can really be this way, without having a desire for real love and affection.

 

His Ex used to whine because he never wanted to do anything "fun"-- which to her meant going out and getting wasted. She complained that all he wants to do his be on the computer and/or play video games. those things are true, but I see more of a man in him than that. Yea, the video games are boring to me, but he finds them to be strategic and challenging. One day he looked at me and said, "Do you want to watch me play my new game?"...I chuckled like, why? He had never seemed to care before that, if anyone watched him...the way he looked at me, told he just wants someone to love him for who he is. He seems to struggle with these girls because although they are hot-- he does not want to drag along with them at bars, etc. They too will start to think he is "boring". He did acknowledge to me once, that he has nothing in common with them...does he wish he did? I don't know. But we've always enjoyed each others company, we talk about anything from life to work, he enjoys things like dining out, etc, but he accepts the fact that he can't afford it very often. His attitude is "be happy with what ya got", and he never expresses any regrets. He is pretty much always calm and collected. And if you give him a chance to open up, he will, you just have to guide him in the right direction. I've recently learned not to be too scared of doing that with him anymore.

 

He has flaws, for certain-- but so do I. I am not always "sweet", and I've been a pretty big bitch to him several times. He might make me feel like I don't meet his physical standards-- but here I am, nursing student, with a wealthy father that spoils me, and I go shopping and buy the nicest clothes...he grew up in an underprivalaged home, and materialistic things really have small meaning to him. I am probably not aware of all the times I could have made him feel "not good enough", too. Oh well. No matter how this turns out, he will still be a dear friend to me. I'll just never understand how he's been so blind.

 

Thank you for your words of wisdom.

[JulieJ]

By now he has probably heard the message and he just doesn't know how to respond to it. This seems like such a tough situation and it is definitely taking a big toll on you. I think the best thing for you to do would be to remove yourself from the situation for a little bit to gain some perspective, and then make some decisions about how you want to move forward.

[LoveLace]

I could tell him to replace me with a new roommate anytime I want. Problem, I don't have the $ to live alone, and won't for quite a while. I'm nursing school with night students...so no one is really single and looking for a roommate, etc. We're all in our 30's and up, it's mostly married people that are stay-at-home moms or work full-time, etc. Others are older, with grown children, that have homes of their own. We socialize on occasion..but we rarely have time. I get 4 days of freedom per month. I'm usually too tired to do much more with them than nothing! So, there's rare opportunity to really meet new people, much less date them. I've tried online dating on/off for like the last 10 years! It has never brought me much luck. I don't think its for me, but seems great for other people.

 

So the above only makes my situation suck even more. I since I can't exactly "remove myself" just yet, might as well get everything out in the open; it seems our communication with each other is actually starting to improve, so I"m growing more comfortable with the idea of letting my feelings be known. We'll see.

[JulieJ]

craigslist.org has a section on it's site for people looking for roomates. I've had friends who have done it and it has worked out really well.

[LoveLace]

Thanks for the tip. Can't say I've had good experience with random roommates before though...had a lot of them in college...so to get a stranger for a roommate isn't too appealing..but ya never know, thank you anyhow!