Krytellan Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 OK, I have been on here a while talking about relationships and dating and now find myself in a position where I want to address friendships. The nature of my life up to this point is that I have moved around a lot. As such, I really haven't made any significant new friends as an adult since high school. I haven't talked to my high school friends in about a year at least because I just don't have anything in common with them anymore. I just have a hard time making new friends at this stage of my life (I'm 33), well, male at least. It's much easier to make friends with females. I feel like I'm lost "in-between" and never seem to really have anything in common with people I work with. Especially here in Portland where there aren't a lot of "regular" people. It's an area built on being "green" and "weird" and driving an Outback. How do people that have been in this situation do it? What is a good way to make new adult friends when they aren't where you work? I can't believe I have to ask but I just don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Especially here in Portland where there aren't a lot of "regular" people. It's an area built on being "green" and "weird" and driving an Outback. How about starting with females? You say you make friends easily with women - well, why not befriend their boyfriends, brothers, etc.? Focus on activities you like to participate in and join an organization/club/group/whatever that does those things. There's a 20-30 club in Eugene... is that far? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Join an Adult sport club.. like baseball or softball One that I have done before was to join a hiking club in my area.. they plan day hikes all within an hour or 2 drive. Going to a bicycle trail is another way.. maybe joining a biking club or at least making some friends on the trails that you can bike with.. It really doesn't take a lot of effort before you almost have too much to do and not enough time to fit it all in.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Krytellan Posted July 3, 2007 Author Share Posted July 3, 2007 How about starting with females? You say you make friends easily with women - well, why not befriend their boyfriends, brothers, etc.? Focus on activities you like to participate in and join an organization/club/group/whatever that does those things. There's a 20-30 club in Eugene... is that far? Yeah, Eugene is a bit out there. Anyway, I did chat up a new girl at work last week and we got on good. She might be a good drinking buddy. Yeah, just not a big hiker and biker. I do like the regular sports though. Maybe I'll look into are clubs that hinge on that sorta thing. The tought part is that with all of the time that I work, when the weekend comes I want a hang-out buddy. Do they have "hang-out and drink beer" clubs? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Do they have "hang-out and drink beer" clubs? They sure do! Most every neighborhood bar has 'em. You just go in a little earlier than the party/pick-up crowd and sit at the bar. The bartender will hook you up with the beer, and you'll find the 'club' playing darts or pinball, if it's a bar that appreciates the 'classics'. Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Do they have "hang-out and drink beer" clubs? Yeah, my apartment. Too bad that one person a club does not make. Link to post Share on other sites
cutegirl Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 As a female I find it much easier to make friends with males than other females. I may have come across as a bit of a male basher in some of my posts, (thinking that most men are likely to cheat, etc) and I still do, but in general I find men a lot more easygoing and friendlier than women. I I don't like men in the sense of dating them but they are easier to get along with on a friendship level than women. I think it's really hard for women to make "girlfriends" because for some reason women are extremely catty and competitive with each other and always talk ***** about each other behind their backs... I also find I have to watch what I say around most women, since most are judgmental and get offended real easy... Guys are really easygoing and never get offended by what I say even if I say something crude etc I can totally see the difference on the internet already, I post at this one board where it's all females and the women there are catty beyond belief, talking smack about other people behind their back and then showing it to the other person, backstabbing etc Link to post Share on other sites
travellingman Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Guys are really easygoing and never get offended by what I say even if I say something crude etc That's because we talk about things like football, beer, tits, and farts when women aren't around. We really don't care. One good thing about having platonic female friends is they're a good break from the sportscenter conversations guys naturally fall into. And then guys are a good break from the jealous competitive discussions girls always get into. Just have to keep the balance right. Link to post Share on other sites
travellingman Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 I just have a hard time making new friends at this stage of my life (I'm 33), well, male at least. It's much easier to make friends with females. Guys become friends with other single guys if they go to school together, work together, live together, or meet a friend of someone they live with, work with, or went to school with. You really want to ask some guy to go biking with you? Do you live in Portland or San Francisco? If you don't have a school/work/roommate outlet, best way to make guy friends is to invite them to some event, a cookout, a pool party, doesn't matter, where there will be girls. With that backdrop, you can ask a guy you'd like to hang out with to come to your party/barbeque/whatever, and say your hot chick friends will be there. So it all starts with your female friends, because other guys want to meet them. Also, doesn't matter if you live in a liberal hippie town with a lot of bicycle riders or in a conservative city with a lot of Ann Coulter fans. Guys become buddies with other guys that get them laid regardless of political persuasion or personal hobbies. Link to post Share on other sites
cutegirl Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 That's because we talk about things like football, beer, tits, and farts when women aren't around. We really don't care. One good thing about having platonic female friends is they're a good break from the sportscenter conversations guys naturally fall into. And then guys are a good break from the jealous competitive discussions girls always get into. Just have to keep the balance right. I actually prefer not to have much female friends at all. I just do not get along with most women. It seems like females like other females who praise them or compliment them... And women are always competing against each other. I even know sisters who compete, for example one of my friends always asks me things like "Who is prettier, me or my sister" "Who has a better body" etc (She's 30 btw). I am sure she likes to compete against me behind my back too... I don't think men and women can have true platonic friendships though. Most guys I met are ones that like me first. That's how we meet to begin with. I think that if a guy has an attractive female friend he probably would bang her if he had the chance and I'm sure he would jerk off fantasizing about it... I'm not saying I'd rather make friends with guys, I just get along with them better because they are low-maintenance. Most women are just bitches. Also, I don't get offended at all when guys fart around me. I think I kind of like it when my bf does... I actually don't mind smelling it... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 In Krytellan's OP he mentioned that he wanted to make adult friends.. not just guy friends.. that assumes men and women. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Isn't krytellan a chick ????? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Isn't krytellan a chick ????? ..No...... Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Oops ! Sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 I actually prefer not to have much female friends at all. I just do not get along with most women. It seems like females like other females who praise them or compliment them... Are you kidding me? Isn't that like what you said in 50% of your posts in your long thread about having money? That you desperately care what other people think about you, and want their respect and praise and compliments and get angry if you don't get it?? You're the very girl you despise. None of my female friends are like what you describe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Krytellan Posted July 3, 2007 Author Share Posted July 3, 2007 *ahem* Interested in some other ideas about meeting new people. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 It's hard to make suggestions when we don't really know what you're into and what you'd do with the friends you DO have... Do your old high school/college/work friends know of anyone in the area they could hook you up with, friends-wise? Link to post Share on other sites
Gala Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 K- I know where you're coming from, and it sounds like you're single and w/o kids. At age 34 I moved back to my hometown after living elsewhere for about nine years. Meeting new friends was hard, and I was pretty tough on myself for not being paired off (and kids on the way). I am a lot more comfortable here now, but it's absolutely not like the glorious college and post-college years when everyone just wants to hang out. My friends from college mostly have kids, and although it's a perfectly acceptable choice I don't really relate to it. Link to post Share on other sites
love necessity Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 I find men a lot more easygoing and friendlier than women. I am going to agree with you on this. Woman, well we, are more sensitive than men. However, we are more understanding as well. Not saying men aren't. I find it easier to get along with men too! Especially men I don't find attractive. Because I know I don't have to gussy up. lol...It's not that I absolutely don't like being friends with females, it's just that I've yet to have a "great" friendship with one. It's like I'm always in competition or something. I think it has a lot to do with my insecurities though (fat, etc). I do need to get out and make more friends, but I have been very lazy about doing so. Thank god for this website, or I would be bored. Ha.. Gotta love it! Link to post Share on other sites
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