childhood friend's ex is expecting their baby, and i love him

[nasdxxx]

My childhood friend of over 16 years has been living overseas for four years. we used to go to school and sit together. We have been in touch on telephone and email frequently. He recently broke up with his girlfried of three years and then he came back home, for a holiday. During his holiday we spent loads of time together for 5 weeks, going to clubs and cinemas. We realized we had very strong attraction for eachother and strong feelings for eachother although we were kind of living in denial.

 

I was also trying to get out of a one year relationship that was not working for me.

 

My friend has recently returned back to college and he is persistent that given out mutual attarcation and feelings, our friendship from the years back, the respect, the closeness of both our families, that a strong relationship would be achieved. We kissed a few times and felt strong attraction but we both agreed it was not right at the time to take it to another level because we were both just leaving a relationship.

 

Given the distance between us, being on different continents and his ex girlfriend is expecting a baby with him in the next two months... How can i go about this. We both seem to be thinking about eachother alot and staying long hours since he left, on the phone and internet.

 

How can i trust that i can manage distance between him and i for one year when he expects to finish college. Suppozing after the baby they get back together?

 

I feel raedy to love him but i want to use caution in making a decision!

 

Nas

[nasdxxx]

Hi i dint get a response yet on this but never the less, i will keep the update on, oping you will give me your opinion.... A relationship is growing between me and childhood best friend, of sixteen years. I am 27 now. He is 30.

 

We talk on the phone everyday (atleast once/twice). He is convinced he is done with his past relationship and in a way, i dont just believe him. I feel it.... At the moment, he seems bothered by the distance, its giving him "bad" thoughts of dropping college and coming back home. He tells me he cannot stand how painful it is feeling, for him to have strong feelings for someone, yet he cannt reach me... i feel the sam way too although i kind of have strength that we can manage the distance... I dont want him to drop out of college just because we are so far apart... its just that, its bothering him so much, sometimes he cannot sleep. he wakes up in the night to phone or text....

 

We have talked about whether we should put the relationship on hold, and wait until he has his focus back on college and his other priorities (for which he went overseas to accomplish) but he wont let that happen because he feels somebody out there will meet me and next he will know, i will be gone (dating someone else).

What can i do or what we both do to keep this going.... the feeling is mutual

[norajane]

His life is going to change when that baby comes. What does he say about how he will handle being a father while he is in college? How will his ex-gf handle being a mother? What will they do financially? How involved will he be?

 

He really needs to be focusing on finishing school and this coming child before making any decisions about a relationship with you. If he is not doing that, how responsible is he, really? Do you want to be with a man who abandons his plans for setting himself up for a successful future (college) and his baby (leaving so he isn't even around to be a father)?

[nasdxxx]

Norajane,

I am not going to try to make an excuse for him coz i dont like to make excuses for men. I ahve been his friend for so long and i know the **** he has gone through with this lady. We used to talk about it, just like i would confide in him about my sh..t.

They broke up and then two weeks later she turned up pregnant... he said fine? Now that we have a baby lets try to amke things work. that is over seven or eight months ago... The lady has only got worse by the day. Since he went back, he has been trying to get down to meet her, so they can talk about how they are going to handle being single parents to the baby but she wont give him the time and space of an adult discussion. She is verbally harassing everybody including his family (mum, brothers, uncles, sisters- whom i meet alot because of the closeness we have had from back in the day.)

We talked about how he was going to handle being a father to the baby and how that might affect him or my relationship with him. He wants to talk to her but she wont listen and at this point he feels like she wants to go it alone. she already has a child from another relationship aged about seven years.

He is working and saving up money for all this but whats to know how it will be all handled including expectations but she wont cooperate... He has had to change his address because he cant have an adult discussion with her.

He has made it clear hewants to be involved but wants this to be discussed. Only the lady's mother is vailable to talk to him but not the lady- whom by the way from my observation over the three years he has tried his best to make happy, but i guess he was just never good enough, however much he tried for her. Ever heard of people that need meotional help..? Sorry but she is one of them. she has done crazy things, to chase away his friends from him, chase away his famil from him, so that all he has is her... I dont want to make her the discussion, but she doesnt want cooperation with him and he is tired of abuse...

We are open and talk about about this ....

what do you think?