carly Posted December 22, 1999 Share Posted December 22, 1999 Over a year and a half ago, I got out of a relationship that lasted for 3 and half years. It was mentally abusive, and I needed to get out. Since then I have dated many guys. It always seems to turn out that they are only interested in my body, and not me as a person. I realize that the initial attraction to anyone is physical first, but why after that attraction, do they only want to be in the bedroom. What could I be doing or saying to mislead them. I am not that type of girl. I just want to find someone that is interested in me both physically and intellectually. I don't know if I dress the wrong way or what? I don't dress provocative, I was just (not to be a big ego) blessed with very long legs and a descent figure. I just am tired of all the guys that I date being losers. I try to meet them in good places, but I just seem to draw those arrogant, self centered men. My friends tell me that I am just crazy that the Mr. right will come along. I just wish I had some advise on how to go about finding him???? Looking for love Link to post Share on other sites
aleshm Posted December 22, 1999 Share Posted December 22, 1999 Dear carly, I'll be very short, why are YOU looking for him? Did you think of the fact, that he perhaps will find you? Not vice-versa, you finding him! Myself, I was the way you describe guys, I always wanted the women for "bedroom reasons", until I learned my lesson. After some time, I started looking the other way, what is in between the ears (brain, character, how can I communicate with her, etc.), tho I admit 10% still is the looks. Today I have been with my gf for 3 years. That perhaps tells you something. There are guys out there carly, which will want you for your space between your ears, not for the legs (and everything else) you have. Best wishes, aleshm Over a year and a half ago, I got out of a relationship that lasted for 3 and half years. It was mentally abusive, and I needed to get out. Since then I have dated many guys. It always seems to turn out that they are only interested in my body, and not me as a person. I realize that the initial attraction to anyone is physical first, but why after that attraction, do they only want to be in the bedroom. What could I be doing or saying to mislead them. I am not that type of girl. I just want to find someone that is interested in me both physically and intellectually. I don't know if I dress the wrong way or what? I don't dress provocative, I was just (not to be a big ego) blessed with very long legs and a descent figure. I just am tired of all the guys that I date being losers. I try to meet them in good places, but I just seem to draw those arrogant, self centered men. My friends tell me that I am just crazy that the Mr. right will come along. I just wish I had some advise on how to go about finding him???? Looking for love Link to post Share on other sites
o Posted December 22, 1999 Share Posted December 22, 1999 Over a year and a half ago, I got out of a relationship that lasted for 3 and half years. It was mentally abusive, and I needed to get out. Since then I have dated many guys. It always seems to turn out that they are only interested in my body, and not me as a person. I realize that the initial attraction to anyone is physical first, but why after that attraction, do they only want to be in the bedroom. What could I be doing or saying to mislead them. I am not that type of girl. I just want to find someone that is interested in me both physically and intellectually. I don't know if I dress the wrong way or what? I don't dress provocative, I was just (not to be a big ego) blessed with very long legs and a descent figure. I just am tired of all the guys that I date being losers. I try to meet them in good places, but I just seem to draw those arrogant, self centered men. My friends tell me that I am just crazy that the Mr. right will come along. I just wish I had some advise on how to go about finding him???? Looking for love Dear looking for love, I know what you are talking about. I too was blessed with a nice body and it seems like every guy that I try to date or even just become friends with wants to get in my pants. Feel proud of yourself for attacting so much attention, because it's not only your looks, but you attitude that attracts people. Remember to be cautious with who you go out, with so many opportunities it is easy to over indulge. Take it slow and you will find out who the real potential mates are. Someone who's just interested in your body isn't worth a damn. If you feel like someone is looking at you in a less than respectful manner, let them know! Don't keep your mouth shut until it's too late. Respect isn't granted, it's gained. Beautiful creatures of nature like us have to expect that people are occasionally going to stop and stare. It's not out of disrespect, just amazement. Link to post Share on other sites
z Posted December 23, 1999 Share Posted December 23, 1999 Carly, More often than not, we are responsible for the patterns that consitently turn up in our lives. These types of guys that you tend to wind up with probably isn't by mistake... just ask yourself: Is there something about these guys that are attractive to you---traits, looks, etc... Are you looking for someone to be your friend first--or just to date? And most importatly, how do you feel about yourself? Do you like who you are? Just so you know, there are nice guys out there---and it can easily become emotionally overwhelming when confronted by atractive people of the opposite sex...But really, you first have to look at yourself--and know who you are: how you act, how others perceive you, and who you want to be--these will all determine who you end up with... once you know who you are--and therefore know what you want, you will be much better prepared see the "right guy" in the midst of all those others who don't really care about you... Over a year and a half ago, I got out of a relationship that lasted for 3 and half years. It was mentally abusive, and I needed to get out. Since then I have dated many guys. It always seems to turn out that they are only interested in my body, and not me as a person. I realize that the initial attraction to anyone is physical first, but why after that attraction, do they only want to be in the bedroom. What could I be doing or saying to mislead them. I am not that type of girl. I just want to find someone that is interested in me both physically and intellectually. I don't know if I dress the wrong way or what? I don't dress provocative, I was just (not to be a big ego) blessed with very long legs and a descent figure. I just am tired of all the guys that I date being losers. I try to meet them in good places, but I just seem to draw those arrogant, self centered men. My friends tell me that I am just crazy that the Mr. right will come along. I just wish I had some advise on how to go about finding him???? Looking for love Link to post Share on other sites
It's what we project Posted December 27, 1999 Share Posted December 27, 1999 This reminds me of a song, "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?". You are on the right track...you would be projecting onto the men concerned, unconscious messages that say, "I know I have a great body...but...". And of course your projection will definitely be picked up by them, and this IS what most of the men will consequently focus on. The fact is, there are tens of millions of women in the world with beautifully proportioned bodies. Do you really think that very few of these women don't find mutually satisfying relationships? I have been told many times that I too have a "great figure". So?? When I interact with both men and women, I lead with my mind, not my breasts or my legs. It's really quite easy. You'll be fine, because you are at last recognizing what you are doing wrong. Be relaxed in your body, stop focusing your attentions on it, and just engage guys in conversation. You may find to your delight, that most men enjoy a woman with an animated, confident personality. Let's face it, no relationship will work based on fabulous boobs or a large sized penis. Good luck. Over a year and a half ago, I got out of a relationship that lasted for 3 and half years. It was mentally abusive, and I needed to get out. Since then I have dated many guys. It always seems to turn out that they are only interested in my body, and not me as a person. I realize that the initial attraction to anyone is physical first, but why after that attraction, do they only want to be in the bedroom. What could I be doing or saying to mislead them. I am not that type of girl. I just want to find someone that is interested in me both physically and intellectually. I don't know if I dress the wrong way or what? I don't dress provocative, I was just (not to be a big ego) blessed with very long legs and a descent figure. I just am tired of all the guys that I date being losers. I try to meet them in good places, but I just seem to draw those arrogant, self centered men. My friends tell me that I am just crazy that the Mr. right will come along. I just wish I had some advise on how to go about finding him???? Looking for love Link to post Share on other sites
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