impromptu Posted February 20, 2003 Share Posted February 20, 2003 I emailed him last night and told him to stop playing. He emailed me back stating that he is currently seeing someone but would love to develop a friendship with me. He emphasized that he was not a player and he cannot go beyond friendship with me now. And he also said that I could go ask him questions anytime and talk with him about pretty much anything. I told him that there was misunderstandings between me and him because we are from two totally different cultures. By saying stop playing, I did not mean stop playing games but pranks on me. He helped me a lot and according to my culture, I should support, respect, and care for him in whatever situations he was in. I apologized for my cultural behaviors if they have caused any misinterpretations or misunderstanding. I told him I just wanted him to be happy around me and did not care if he's got a girlfriend cause I did not think it that way. This was true. Actually this was why I was so nice to him for the first three months. My culture taught me to do so. He helps me and I talk to him to cheer him up when he is sad even though he did not like to talk that much and I knew the reasons why. But still, I followed the rules set by my culture. I've been here only for three years and not very familiar with American cutures. But my feelings towards him started going in another direction within one month. I guess I was under a lot of pressure and he played. I remembered it was me who sent the signal to him first but it was purely an accident. It was me who blinked at him but it was all due to the fact that something got into my eyes. I was too slow to tell him that. Right now I guess he told everyone that I was after him and everyone believed it. Will he be satisfied with my reply? What should I do? Do I need to talk to one of the grad students I know to clarify things a little bit? I don't wanna people to talk about me based on unfounded rumors. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 20, 2003 Share Posted February 20, 2003 I don't think you should worry about this at all. Just drop it, forget it, etc. But you need to make sure you learn the American culture because it's not quite the same as the country you're from. Many people here are selfish, self centered, and uncaring. There are many exceptions as well. But we are not a culture known for being so kind and sweet to one another. As a matter of fact, people often misinterpret the kindness of others. If a guy has a girlfriend, it's not a great idea to pursue a friendship with him to any great degree. His girlfriend will get jealous or he may fall for you and cheat on his girlfriend. It really gets very complicated...and I'm sorry about that. Pay more attention to the way things occur in our culture and act accordingly. No matter how nice and respectful you are, a lot of people just won't understand that because many aren't used to it. As a matter of fact, nice men get pooped on all the time for being nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted February 20, 2003 Share Posted February 20, 2003 Behaviour between men and women in American culture can seem quite odd to a person from a different country. I think the level of trust is much less in this country, especially when first getting to know someone, so, even though you may have been being nice to him, he would have found the closeness a threat to his own security. The lack of trust stems from how men and women dress more provocatively, the media, our religion (or lack of) and the diversity of people in this country among many other factors. There are so many variables that can affect a person here that it seems impossible to be able to trust a person upon early impressions because there is little framework or standard to go on. So we have developed these standard behaviours of not getting to know each other too deeply or seriously at first and letting ourselves gradually trust a person based on their spontaneous reactions to things. Time and experience shows us a lot about a person if we have no framework to go on. If you can be friends with this man, that is great. Forgive him for being a little difficult so far and enjoy his friendship if he is willing to continue to provide it. It sounds like he has tried to be honest with you. I wish you well.. Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
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