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a question about second chances


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'no contact' seems to be a popular doctrine here. many (like myself used/use it to move forward in life) while many use it to 'manipulate' their exes. the ubiquitious ''move on.. if they want you back, they will know how to do so'' seems to resonate throughout this forum.

 

this is the dilemma: both parties can want each other back so bad but if both believe in this 'tenet', then won't both miss out on their second chance?

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I've also given your theory a lot of thought. When my ex and I first broke up I decided to use NC to lure her back to me. It lasted for about 3 weeks when I gave up an called her. Nothing had changed - I didn't ask her - but I could feel it in the tone of her voice etc.

 

Then I decided to give it a longer time - again to lure her back to me - and planned on calling her in three months. They passed and when they day I had planned on calling her came up - I simply though: "Why should I call her". I've made some progress since I last spoke to her and she hasn't given me a single call. So I just dropped the phone and didn't call her.

 

In fact I've had no contact with her whatsoever until last weekend when I coincidently met her 2 times. We decided to meet for a lunch and I'm just gonna see if I anything has changed.

 

Long story short. I used NC to lure her back to me - but it actually changed into using it to move on.

 

I gave it a lot of though though. She the most stubborn person I've ever known and I definitely knew she wasn't gonna break NC. So I sat very often in my sofa thinking about if she still had the same feelings to me and we were both too stubborn to call the other. I guess I'll find out in the following days or weeks. :rolleyes:

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'no contact' seems to be a popular doctrine here. many (like myself used/use it to move forward in life) while many use it to 'manipulate' their exes. the ubiquitious ''move on.. if they want you back, they will know how to do so'' seems to resonate throughout this forum.

 

this is the dilemma: both parties can want each other back so bad but if both believe in this 'tenet', then won't both miss out on their second chance?

Yes, it's possible.

 

Most seem to believe that the dumper should be the one to attempt the reconciliation process if they want the other person back in their lives. (Then again, suppose the dumper feels like they can't ask for some reason?)

 

I guess what is boils down to is one party is going to have to swallow their pride and take a shot and see what happens..

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