messed-mind Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 I'll try to keep this fairly short: I met a girl, we were together for 5 months, it was great in the beginning but it got rocky after the first six weeks. She had some mental stuff going on and we ended up breaking up numerous times because she got scared and behaved in strange ways. However, we did fall in love, we told each other this. Eventually after 5 months, we broke up for good - she ended it every time, and this time it was final. She told me I wasn't the right guy for her, and that she didn't want to spend the rest of her life with me. Heartbroken, I went NC and moved on with my life and met other girls. 3 months later, and healthy & happy without her, she got back in touch. She felt like she owed me a sincere apology and that she had been thinking about me a lot, and that she missed me. We met up, I was angry at first but she apologised. We had a couple of drinks and got on great together. She told me she was just terrified, that I was the perfect boyfriend and that she still really liked me. She admitted she just screwed it all up. I quizzed her on all the horrible things she said on the final break up, and she said she had very little memory of saying those things to me; but that she felt terrible for doing so. We met up a second time, went for another drink, it was going fantastic, like we'd known each other for a long time. The third time we got together, we had fantastic sex and an amazing fun packed night together. We discussed how we wanted to play it, when I was a bit taken aback that she decided that she wanted to take things slow, and to get to know each other again. I found this a little bit odd, because it was so explosive that it felt natural to keep it reasonably fast paced. She also added that she didn't want to rush things (even though we've had sex twice in under a week). My question to the board: Obviously, I want things to move quicker than she does, but if she came running back to me and missed me, why does she want to take it so slow? Is slow the best idea on this second chance situation? Perhaps she's more cautious than I am, and maybe I need to keep my guard up? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author messed-mind Posted July 4, 2007 Author Share Posted July 4, 2007 54 views and noone has any opinions or thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Kelso Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 I'm on her side in your relationship Don't wanna sound harsh - but why would you want to move fast? You have been separated for the last five months and there is an obvious reason for your separation. I'd rater go sloooow - because it increases your long term chance. Well I don't know Link to post Share on other sites
Author messed-mind Posted July 4, 2007 Author Share Posted July 4, 2007 No I think going slow is probably a good idea now that i've thought about it, it's just there are two angles for me: 1. There is go slow as in "i'm not that into you, wanna see if it might go somewhere though if i spin it out long enough". and 2. There is go slow as in "i like you very much, but I want this to work out this time, so lets lay some solid ground first, get to know each other and not rush into it". Number 1 would be an incredible waste of time/energy for both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
vivrantflo Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 You're in a good position man. I would recommend that you go at the pace she wants to go at. You stated in your original post that she broke up with you a few times.. and because she was scared. She was probably scared cause you guys were going faster than she would like to. It may not have been fast for you, but it was fast for her. If you want to be with her, then you should do whatever you have to do to make her feel comfortable with you and the relationship. This is definately the second angle that you mentioned. Go slow this time man, and I pretty much think that you'll have her for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Rhythm28 Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 This situation is similar to mine. Me and the ol girl dated 2 years ago and split up. She recently contacted me but I told her either **** on the pot or get off it. She chose to get off it. What I'm trying to say is, you can go slow with her or you can go fast. I chose to go fast because we are in our mid 30's. You, on the other hand, may be younger. I don't have time for the b.s., although you might. If the sex is good, then it's probably worth a little drama. Me, I'm too old for this crap, good sex or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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