veronica12 Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 I remember as a child having a close girlfriend in school. We called each other "best friends". I could tell her anything. We shared all of our secrets and experiences. We talked several times a day. She knew me completely and accepted everything about me. It was such a safe relationship. I am 48 years old now and in a successful career. I miss having a "best friend". I know it is something that takes time to develop and nurture. Maybe I am looking for too much from my friends. I just wanted to say that I miss that special connection with someone......Someone who knows all of my flaws and still loves me. Does anyone else miss their "best friend"? Link to post Share on other sites
Rain4 Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Hey Veronica I hear you, but I don't really think I've lost my best friends (had 3: high school, college, graduate school). I'm the only one who isn't married right now, so things have changed. We've all matured - maybe a little bit in different directions, but if I ever needed them, I know that all I have to do is call. I believe best friends are like adopted family. If they are really as close as you consider them, time and distance only matures the relationship... I don't believe that kind of relationship can be broken. Maybe you should consider getting back in touch with and catching up with yours. I know my view is a bit idealistic and unorthodox, but just thought it might be something to consider. ~Rain~ Link to post Share on other sites
Lostgurl Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Yes. I too, know how you feel. I have had a best friend all my life, up until the past few years. My second last best friend hurt me over and over again by sleeping with my boyfriends.... I was devastated. I finally had enough after the third time. I just couldn't forgive her anymore and all trust was gone for her and the guys that I dated. After a few years I let another person get close to me and cherished her. Until she slept with my last ex. We weren't together at the time. It was JUST before we got together. He was honest, came straight away and when I asked her she had lied, only to come clean monthes later. It ruined things. Now i have problems letting females get close to me. I have my sis though. She's my bestfriend . Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Someone who knows all of my flaws and still loves me. Does anyone else miss their "best friend"? I married mine and we're still together. Link to post Share on other sites
Lostgurl Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 I married mine and we're still together. Curmudgeon, That's so incredibly sweet . You are right. You are VERY lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
JulieJ Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 I know what you mean about having a best friend. I haven't had just one best friend since I was in junior high school, but I remember how special our friendship was and sometimes I do miss it. However, I've realized that now I have a lot of very different close friends that I depend on for support in different areas of my life. I wish my life was still as simple as it was when I was 10 years old and one friend could fit all of my needs, but now I have my friend that I depend on for relationship advice, one I depend on for career advice, another one for fashion/shopping advice. It is not the same as having one best friend that I go to no matter what, but I still know that these women will always be there for me. Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 My best friend moved to the other side of the country (D.C.), and although we chat online, she has a new life and new friends and we definitely aren't very close anymore, so I relate very much. We had lots of good times and good memories but we rarely get to see each other to make any new ones. She's got a bf now and she definitely doesn't need me like she used to. Haven't really managed to find a substitute since then, and it was quite a long time ago that she moved away. We did go traveling in Morocco and Spain together in the earlier part of 2006, but that was the last time we saw each other. Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 I am glad she has a bf though. I'd rather we grew apart than for her to be all miserable and lonely like she used to be. I don't worry about her anymore like I used to. If anything, now she's the one who worries about me, when time allows. She's pretty much the only best friend I've had as an adult. Or the only, period. Link to post Share on other sites
Author veronica12 Posted July 5, 2007 Author Share Posted July 5, 2007 Thank each of you for your sweet words. I think about this each day. I miss having a soul-mate that I can turn to. Perhaps I am looking for too much from someone else. I also know that I have so much to give. I am trying to be aware of this and maybe change this deep need in me for connection to someone. It's comforting to be able to share this in this forum and not be rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Veronica, there was a thread called "lack of friends" in the same vein, and it went on for a bit. You're certainly not alone. Lots of adult women have trouble forming lasting, close friendships later in life, as most people make their close friends earlier in life and can't really make a significant amount of time for new people due to busy schedules. That and female friendships require far more maintanence and regular communication than guy/guy relationships, so if you happen to move or they move, it's kind of doomed, whereas guys can go for ages without talking and pick up where they left off without any perceived slight. Anyway, you have us at LS now! Not the same, I know, but it helps? Or has helped me, anyway. It's hard putting yourself out there, isn't it? I have a hard time with other women because I need people to be very welcoming before I can open up, and women are rarely as obvious about wanting you around as men are. That or I'm not sure if they are just being nice when they may actually dislike me. I know I fear rejection too much. I actually managed to befriend some of the neighbors in my apartment complex on Friday. Or they befriended me, rather, so that is encouraging. People in about four of the units all knew each other prior to moving in, so I guess they have quite an active social network. Proximity helps a lot, as even though you may mean to visit friends who live further away, sometimes laziness gets in the way. Or it does for me, anyway. I've lived next door to this girl for probably seven years and never said more than hi, mostly out of shyness or an impression that she didn't seem friendly. Of course it was a guy who brought me into the fold though. Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 I agree with Julie, at this stage of life, maybe it's better to aim to have several friends for various needs, rather than one go-to friend. I mean, if you happen to find one who can do it all, so much the better, but to expect to find that might be setting yourself up for disappointment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author veronica12 Posted July 5, 2007 Author Share Posted July 5, 2007 You are the BEST---those who have taken the time to reach out to me! It is very comforting and, at the same time, sad to me that I am getting such endearing support from "LS", as you call it----anonymous and intimate at the same time. Thank you for taking the time to care about my situation. I am happy I have found this outlet. Please feel free to ask me about something that is bothering you! I am new to this site. I also find it very difficult to navigate. I hope to explore other forums and extend my limited wisdom to others. I am just happy to find wholesome, loving, non-judgemental exchanges. I guess technology CAN help the human condition. Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 I am relatively new too and don't really know how to use the site very well. Sometimes there are only a couple of pages of posts, I assume because they are updating them in some way? I would just hit New Posts and see what people are gabbing about. Everyone throws in their two cents on almost anything, and most of the people are pretty nice and lots of them are very intelligent also, which is new for me on the Web. I've generally encountered people who can't spell and like to speak fake ghetto, so LS is a refreshing change for me! I know I'm not really any kind of established member or anything, but welcome! I'm glad you're here. Link to post Share on other sites
roxy_1980 Posted July 6, 2007 Share Posted July 6, 2007 Through my younger life I had three "best friends". One died. The other two I still talk to on a regular basis, but it's not the same as when we all 16 and inseparable. It's changed, partly because of our current relationship situation and partly cause we all live 1000's of miles apart. We don't see each other much anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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