Was I wrong for dropping him?

[love necessity]

Ok, my life is far from perfect, which brings me to this.

 

A few days ago, I emailed my older brother(he is 25, I am 21), and in my email I told him that I didn't want to have a relationship with him right now.

 

I am going to paste the exact email I sent him:

 

Our relationship is not going to work right now. It's not a healthy one. I think you need to get your life together. You got way too much drama going on in your life, and I don't want to be apart of it. When you get yourself together and become more stable, then call me, because I don't want to deal with your issues. I have my own.

 

 

Nadia...

Life can be hard, but the only person you have to depend on is yourself.

 

 

Ok, now that you know what I wrote. I'll start from the beginning. We both have the same mom. He was taken from her when he was 2 because of abuse. He was actually the lucky one, because, I had to put up with the neglect for a long time. Being physically and emotionally abused everyday until you could speak up for yourself is a hard thing to go through. I would never wish it on anyone. I still have issues from that ****, but I'm working on them.

 

When he got taken from her, his fathers parents raised him up until he was about 14 or so, after that they couldn't handle him, and he got shipped to a foster home. He never really new his father, because he was in and out of jail, and still is. (I've never met my father, and don't know him either).

 

Ok--to get back on subject, we met when I was sixteen. I found him. He didn't even know about me until the day I called him. At that time, he was going through some drama at home and decided to come stay with me and my friends for a while. When I turned sixteen I stayed with a few of my friends, after I graduated from Job Corps. He stayed with us for a couple of weeks, he couldn't stay longer because he got into it with my roommate. After that inncident, I never saw his face again until Feb 2007.

 

My cousin called me and said she saw him working in the mall. I told her to give him # the next time she sees him, so she did.

 

I recieved a phone call from him around the end of Feb. That was the first time we talked in a long-long time. I was so happy to hear from him. I am still very happy that he is alright. We talked for a few hours. He had a daughter. That's right I have a niece. She will be a year in Sept. She lives in Detroit with her mom. So anyways, me and my brother talked on the phone up until the first week of March. In this time period, I found out that he doesn't own a car, he was living with a girl who he met at a bar. He only knew her for a week before moving in with her and her child. From all of this, I didn't care. He sounded happy. I was happy for him. So, up until the first week of March we talked on the phone, then on some random day he calls me and tells me that he thinks he lives near me? I said, oh, what's going on? He told me that him and his girlfriend, who he only knew for three weeks got an apartment down the street from me. He also said that she was pregnant.

 

So this is a big shock at this point!

 

I'm like WOW...So he invites me over a few days later. His apartment is only 500 ft from my apartment building. So I go over there, it was nice. When I got there, he was walking around all frantic. Telling me that him and his girl broke up.

 

He said that she left because he was accusing her of cheating while he was at work?

 

So, I'm like, OK, you don't have to tell me this. I didn't really want to hear it, it's not my place. He said that he had all her furniture and that she can't come get it and that he was going to throw it away. So, I'm like trying to get him not too. It was like some Jerry Springer type ****..

 

I'm not use to all that drama. For the past 3 years, I have been living peacefully with my bf. Just going to school and working. Trying to finish up my ed now.

 

So anyways, I also found out that he uses other girls too. I'll get to that. In this time, I found out that he drinks a lot, like too much, he doesn't take care of his daughter. His daughters mom won't even let him have her, which I understand why. He's not with it. He's not stable at all.

 

So, I left after he calmed down. A few days go by and he calls me because he wants to know if he can borrow $25 dollars. Mind you, I don't have parents, no one but myself. There was no way I could just afford to lend someone $25 dollars. I felt like WOW, isn't that rude? I hardly know him and he is asking me for money already.

 

So another few days go by. I tried calling him in between time, but got no answer. Anyways, a few days later, he called me and asked me if I could turn on his electricity in my name? He said that his "ex-girlfriend" turned off her lights. I asked him why he can't. He said he owed $425 to the light company. I didn't do it. I don't really know this guy. At this point, I'm thinking and worrying that his ex-girl left him with a full rental agreement that she just so freely opted out of and turned her lights out on him. He has nothing. OMG..He's going to start asking me for ****!!

 

I can hardly afford to pay all my stuff, do ya really think I'm going to take care of a grown man?

 

So, after all this bull**** blows over, he calls me. I had some young girl turn on the electricity. I'm thinking what an *******.

 

Then we got to talking about his relationship with this girl. He was saying that she said that she was going to abort the child, and that he loved her and missed her.

 

I'm thinking, how can you honestly love someone you only knew for 2 mos and was accusing of cheating on you?

 

So he went on talking about her. Then he started talking about his finances and how he isn't going to be able to afford his rent and yata,yata,yata. I'm one of those types of peoples who worries too much peoples personal issues. So as he was sobbing to me, I started feeling bad. I couldn't take him talking about his issues for another second. He is 25 years old, he should now what to do at this point right?

 

So, anyways, somehow, they end up back together and break up again, which leaves me to this. He was over my house the other night. I mad him dinner because I guess his lights weren't working again. And he went back home. After seeing him like that, I knew I couldn't take it again.

 

I am not going to take care of a grown man. That was when I sent him the email that he got at work.

 

I appreciate all advice! Thanks:confused:

[love necessity]

No replies:o I guess I understand. It's a long posting, and I know time can be crucial. Let me tell ya, that it was a heart-felt posting though.

 

After reading it again. I have a clearer picture of why I did what I did. I was not going to let someone walk into my life and use me. That's what it felt like=(. Just because we are "related" does not mean that I should feel sorry for him and hand him my resources. He made his own grave, so now he has to lay in it. Don't mean to sound so hard. But, I have been through some pretty unimaginable things too in life, but I have grown from those times.

 

The only thing that I can do now, is hope that he overcomes his issues. He sure does have a lot on his plate.

 

I also found out that he has 8 warrants for his arrest. I just hope he finds his way in life.

 

Well, thank you for reading. I hope you reply.

[underpants]

Wow, that is some crazy stuff.

 

You know there is a saying, that you are not your brother's keeper.

 

It is unfortunate that he seems to fight against himself and avoid taking the neccessary actions that would improve his life. However, it is ...his life and his choices that put him in bad situations.

 

I am glad to read that you turned negative experiences into postitive outcomes for yourself. I think what you wrote to him was fine. He may or may not hear it or he might turn your words around to suit his negative thoughts. Maybe he will get it together. There really isn't much you can do. I would even be a little ...leary of him coming over if he has warrants against him. Since he is not opposed to using women, and since you two don't really know each other all that well, my guess is that he would not have too much of a problem of taking advantage of you either.

 

Be smart, be careful and keep aiming high.

 

Regards,

Unders