Primrose Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 This may sound vain but hear me out....I'm married to a kind man who supports me and who I know loves me. But one thing leaves me feeling a little empty...he never compliments me on my physical appearance!! He's never told me that I'm beautiful. I think he mentioned that he thought I was cute once or twice but that was it. We do make love but... I'd love for him to look me in the eyes and tell me how much he's attracted to me. I've asked him why he never compliments me back whenever I tell him how handsome he is...and he says that I must have only told him he was handsome because I was "fishing for compliments" from him. I don't! I genuinely find him beautiful! I wish he would say the same to me! This has made me question whether or not he finds me attractive...it's making me question my own appearance. On our one year anniversary I got my hair done, wore a nice dress...still nothing. Help!!! What can I say to him?? I'm young and in shape, and all I want is to hear him tell me how beautiful he thinks I am!! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Why not ask him to. Tell him that he is a great guy and you know he loves and thinks you are beautiful but sometimes you need to hear it. Don't do it in a confrontational way but bring it up to him nicely. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 PERFECT husbands don't exist... period... Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 PERFECT husbands don't exist... period... ...but some of us are pretty damn good, bordering on excellent! Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Help!!! What can I say to him?? I'm young and in shape, and all I want is to hear him tell me how beautiful he thinks I am!! One thing I learned long ago is that if you have no expectations, you can never be disappointed. Some people simply aren't expressive or demonstrative. That's just the way they are. Perhaps your husband is one of them. As long as he shows you in other ways that he loves and values you this is one thing you might just have to let go of. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 PERFECT husbands don't exist... period... C'mon it's not about perfection, it's about meeting your mates needs. What person doesn't like to be admired by their partner, it is a basic need that will keep any relationshiop alive. I think you should tell him that a male coworker told you that x looked really good on you. Let him wonder who this coworker is and most definitely do not compliment him if he doesn't want to compliment you. Let him realise other men take notice, that should wake him up! I agree with Cmudgeon if he shows you in other ways that he loves you.... One thing I learned long ago is that if you have no expectations, you can never be disappointed. I have a bit of a problem with this idea. If we don't hold any expectations from our partners, how are we supposed to even commit? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 I have a bit of a problem with this idea. If we don't hold any expectations from our partners, how are we supposed to even commit? That was a directed comment specific to "expecting" compliments on her looks. Of course you have major expectations of a marriage partner -- love, fidelity, emotional support, respect, mutuality, etc. Many other things can be minimized, let go or compromized on, however, without a lowering of standards or values. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Primrose Posted July 6, 2007 Author Share Posted July 6, 2007 Thanks for the responses. I've always known that my husband is not very forthcoming about his feelings. But yesterday he did tell me I was pretty! I was surprised. It was sort of an off the cuff remark from him, but boy did it make me smile I'm going to tell him how good that made me feel and tell him that I would be happy if he said it more often. Link to post Share on other sites
katiebour Posted July 7, 2007 Share Posted July 7, 2007 Awww- Primrose that's nice I'm glad he came out and said it. :bunny: My boyfriend doesn't compliment me much unless I am obviously dressed up (sometimes not even then.) But I have made it sort of a game that I sidle up to him, give him goo-goo eyes, and say to him, "Aren't I cute?" and he'll go, "Yes, you are," and I'll reply, "Really, really cute?" and he'll smile and say, "yes, really, really cute," and then I continue on to the point of silliness "Really, really really cute??" and he'll say "don't push your luck" That's how I get my compliments- I fish with waders and a net hehehe... Link to post Share on other sites
LittleLady Posted July 7, 2007 Share Posted July 7, 2007 So in other words, the value of yourself is wagered on another man's thoughts of you. What about what YOU think of yourself? Is that not good enough that you have to depend on some creepy guy for validation? You get tons of compliments at the beggining of a relationship and then they taper off to... well.. nothing! And then you are in an emotional crisis. Men are clueless. Once they got you "in the bag", the chase and romance is practically over. Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted July 7, 2007 Share Posted July 7, 2007 I hate to go the Mars and Venus route (waay over travelled if you ask me) but women and men just do not communicate in the same way so there will just have to be some give and take here. Women (generally) need to feel loved and appreciated to feel happy. They need to hear the words and/or see the actions. For me the actions, him being loving considerate really LISTENING to me when I have a problem, making time for me and making love to me, are much more important but hey, we all still ALSO want the icing too of hearing him say compliments from time to time. Whether you get them depend on upbringing, family cuture, personality ... best you can do is sit down and explain clearly that from time to time you really need to hear appreciative words, tell him how it makes you feel to never be offered one freely and ask him if he feels its something he can do because he loves you (as you indeed will do things for him when he asks you to do something that you feel is unimportant, not necessarily pay him complements which may or may not be appreciated but other guy things that you think are maybe silly or a waste of time...). I'm sure your guy finds you beautiful but its not really in his character to SAY it, let him know you need it and step back. If he can't (read: won't ) then he can't , don't let it eat away at you and don't take it 'personally'. I see you haven't been married long and maybe it will take a while for him to click that something that he sees as inconcequential /soppy/manipulative/ embarrasing or what ever, is can be important to a woman. As long as he's a good husband there are worse problems. Link to post Share on other sites
happyfish Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 PERFECT husbands don't exist... period... I know it sounds weird. But I do believe mine is perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 Help!!! What can I say to him?? I'm young and in shape, and all I want is to hear him tell me how beautiful he thinks I am!! Call me presumptuous, but I see want, want, want. What do you say to him/do for him that makes him feel special? Are you wanting more than you're giving? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 I hate to go the Mars and Venus route (waay over travelled if you ask me) but women and men just do not communicate in the same way so there will just have to be some give and take here. Women (generally) need to feel loved and appreciated to feel happy. They need to hear the words and/or see the actions. For me the actions, him being loving considerate really LISTENING to me when I have a problem, making time for me and making love to me, are much more important but hey, we all still ALSO want the icing too of hearing him say compliments from time to time. Whether you get them depend on upbringing, family cuture, personality ... best you can do is sit down and explain clearly that from time to time you really need to hear appreciative words, tell him how it makes you feel to never be offered one freely and ask him if he feels its something he can do because he loves you (as you indeed will do things for him when he asks you to do something that you feel is unimportant, not necessarily pay him complements which may or may not be appreciated but other guy things that you think are maybe silly or a waste of time...). I'm sure your guy finds you beautiful but its not really in his character to SAY it, let him know you need it and step back. If he can't (read: won't ) then he can't , don't let it eat away at you and don't take it 'personally'. I see you haven't been married long and maybe it will take a while for him to click that something that he sees as inconcequential /soppy/manipulative/ embarrasing or what ever, is can be important to a woman. As long as he's a good husband there are worse problems. I think it unfair to say that men don't require validation in comments and actions. Trust me they do... I see no reason why she can't expect it to be reciprocated because she's already doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 I think it unfair to say that men don't require validation in comments and actions. Trust me they do... I see no reason why she can't expect it to be reciprocated because she's already doing it. She mentioned one comment she made about handsome. How do you know there's more? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 She mentioned one comment she made about handsome. How do you know there's more? This is a pluralized statement. I've asked him why he never compliments me back whenever I tell him how handsome he is... Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 This is a pluralized statement. Yeah, not convinced until she can tell me undeniably that she shows him so much more attention than he shows her... and mean it. I've just grown a little tired of this "crying out for attention from men" when the person crying out is not willing/able to account for how they fit into the pattern. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 Yeah, not convinced until she can tell me undeniably that she shows him so much more attention than he shows her... and mean it. I've just grown a little tired of this "crying out for attention from men" when the person crying out is not willing/able to account for how they fit into the pattern. Most of the LS threads are one-sided considering it's only one side you get to read about... Link to post Share on other sites
Love is Tragic Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 UGGGHHHH, tell me about it. I know my husband loves me, but i never get compliments either! Sometimes ill get one during sex, complimenting my breasts or telling me im sexy, but i so wish he would just tell me i look pretty, or he likes my outfit, anything! Especially when i compliment him all the time.. i just dont get it, some men are clueless! Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 ... then you would take it for granted. The grass is always greener, just accept it. Whatever you have you will want something else. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 UGGGHHHH, tell me about it. I know my husband loves me, but i never get compliments either! Sometimes ill get one during sex, complimenting my breasts or telling me im sexy, but i so wish he would just tell me i look pretty, or he likes my outfit, anything! Especially when i compliment him all the time.. i just dont get it, some men are clueless! You know I wouldn't take it personal. Some men do this and some don't. Do what I do, never expect anything. That way your never upset and when he does, you'll be shocked. As long as he shows you in other ways that he loves and values you this is one thing you might just have to let go of. I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
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