Author veryverysadgirl Posted July 5, 2007 Author Share Posted July 5, 2007 um....so far, none of this is helping me. sorry to butt in.... Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Sorry to go off topic. I responded above when it WAS on point. Being single has definite advantages so long as you don't feel lesser because of it and are content. I guess that's the primary issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Dumbledore Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 um....so far, none of this is helping me. sorry to butt in.... Keep working on your marriage. That's all you have to worry about. You will only be single if there is no other alternative. If that happens, the silver lining will reveal itself. There is always a silver lining. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 I apologize for my part in going off-topic on this thread, but I thought you got some good advice on your other thread. I mean I myself gave you all the best that I had. (Not that that means much...) I even started a thread just like this hours before you did, sadgirl. What are you looking for? There's no magic bullet here. There are good things about being single and there are good things about being attached. What do you want to hear now, sadgirl? Link to post Share on other sites
Author veryverysadgirl Posted July 5, 2007 Author Share Posted July 5, 2007 i didn't realize you had a similar topic. sorry. i'm kinda in my own world. i wanna hear that it'll all work out with my husband and i wanna know how long that will take. (you asked ) Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 i didn't realize you had a similar topic. sorry. i'm kinda in my own world. i wanna hear that it'll all work out with my husband and i wanna know how long that will take. (you asked ) I know sadgirl. And I answered. You're being very unrealistic in expecting anyone to tell you that it's all going to work out and be roses and rainbows. We can't tell you that. And we can't tell you how long that will take either, if it indeed DOES work out. That's up to both of you. I can only guess based on my experience. That's all any of us can give you. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 VVSG, I hope for your sake that it does work out. But that may not be the reality. If it is, so much the better. If it isn't, you'll survive and could end up stronger for the experience. As for how long it will take, that depends upon you. In my case it was about two years post-divorce after 25 of marriage. Your mileage may vary! Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author veryverysadgirl Posted July 5, 2007 Author Share Posted July 5, 2007 touche, i know it's unrealistic...hence the winky face. but wouldn't it be nice if we all knew the answers in advance so we'd know the point of all this pain as we were going through it? wouldn't it be nice NOT to be fumbling and wondering and LOST? thanks, curmudgeon, too. touche, be patient with me. you, after all, told me to keep posting. so be patient. i'm in awful pain. YOU know what it's like. so go gentle, k? i was mildly suicidal just a few hours ago. be kind. i'm fragile. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 What's that avatar, Lizzie? Is that what your straightjacket looks like from the back? It's not her in the pic, at least not presently. The girl is too thin. Link to post Share on other sites
Dumbledore Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 it's all going to work out and be roses and rainbows. Thank goodness there's an optimist here. I was feeling very, very alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Curm is right, sadgirl. As for me, I met my man three days after I was officially separated. We had our first date one week after that. I was married three weeks after the divorce was final. Link to post Share on other sites
Dumbledore Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 The girl is too thin. Like you've got an arse I could bounce a dime off. Don't start building straw houses unless you're the big, bad wolf. Link to post Share on other sites
Dumbledore Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 As for me, I met my man three days after I was officially separated. We had our first date one week after that. I was married three weeks after the divorce was final. See, now there's the answer. Just jump on the first ship that sails past. Problem solved. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 touche, i know it's unrealistic...hence the winky face. but wouldn't it be nice if we all knew the answers in advance so we'd know the point of all this pain as we were going through it? wouldn't it be nice NOT to be fumbling and wondering and LOST? thanks, curmudgeon, too. touche, be patient with me. you, after all, told me to keep posting. so be patient. i'm in awful pain. YOU know what it's like. so go gentle, k? i was mildly suicidal just a few hours ago. be kind. i'm fragile. You know what? It's really great being single. There is definitely life after divorce. I'm one of the ex-betrayed spouses. My ex-h cheated on me. It hasn't even been a year since discovery day but here I am, unbelievably happy to be free. Who knows what will happen but I can tell you this, if you enjoy the ability to create your own future destiny, this is the time!! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Like you've got an arse I could bounce a dime off. Don't start building straw houses unless you're the big, bad wolf. Like you'd ever have a chance to discover what I have and what I don't have... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 touche, i know it's unrealistic...hence the winky face. but wouldn't it be nice if we all knew the answers in advance so we'd know the point of all this pain as we were going through it? wouldn't it be nice NOT to be fumbling and wondering and LOST? thanks, curmudgeon, too. touche, be patient with me. you, after all, told me to keep posting. so be patient. i'm in awful pain. YOU know what it's like. so go gentle, k? i was mildly suicidal just a few hours ago. be kind. i'm fragile. sadgirl, I'm sorry. I swear I don't mean to be harsh. I feel your pain, I really do. I was once even suicidal myself. Of course it would be nice if we were never lost. Of course it would be nice if we knew the answers ahead of time. I wish LS was around when I made the biggest mistake of my life with my ex. I sure could have used this kind of support. And ignore Dumble. No. I'm not saying to jump on the first "ship" to sail past you. That's utter garbage. That's not the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author veryverysadgirl Posted July 5, 2007 Author Share Posted July 5, 2007 thanks, touche. what advice do you wish you had had? what mistake did you make? and DO you think you rushed in with the next person? especially with what you said about being single....how's this marriage going? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 thanks, touche. what advice do you wish you had had? what mistake did you make? and DO you think you rushed in with the next person? especially with what you said about being single....how's this marriage going? ...the biggest mistake I likely made was not believing in myself. That was "learned" behavior and I had to work hard to unlearn it. I aksed out a friend of five years a bit over two years after the separation and divorce. Two weeks later we were engaged. Six weeks after that we were married. That was going on 11 years ago. So far, so good! In both our opinions there's nothing quite like a mature marriage (she and I were 48 and 50, respectively, when we first went out) nor one built on the foundation of a true, relatively long-term friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 I should make a correction to my post... I do spend a lot on people I love... like my kids... and my friends. Too little, too late. You already gave yourself up! Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Whoever it is, they look like they're one small step from traction! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 There is definitely life after divorce. I was mildly suicidal myself during the early stages of my divorce. There were a few moments I really wondered what I was waiting for. I just wanted the pain to end and I had no strength to continue on. I even had to call a few friends in those dark moments just to tell me everything would work out cos I couldnt see it myself. Suicide is not the answer. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. In time, and with effort, life can become good again. In time, and with effort, the pain will go away. As Trialbyfire says, you have to enjoy and embrace this opportunity as a chance to create your own destiny. This is a defining moment in your life. Either you are weak or you are strong. Dont be weak! Keep holding on till tomorrow. You really dont know what tomorrow will bring! All your dreams might come true tomorrow. I never would have believed I could be as happy as I am these days. I just couldnt see the light at the end of the tunnel. But my life is pretty great! It took work and effort, but I took a good look at my life, evaluated everything that made me unhappy in my life, and I rebuilt my life to the way I wanted it! My friends who know me are impressed with how I have changed my life. I am doing things now that I never would have done before. And I'm having SO much fun! My divorce was a blessing in disguise. Not only did I learn a lot about myself and how much strength I have, but I've made a better life for me than what I ever had before. And if I can do it, anyone can do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Dumbledore Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 And ignore Dumble. No. I'm not saying to jump on the first "ship" to sail past you. That's utter garbage. That's not the answer. Ignore me at your peril. Or is that my peril? Oh, never mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Dumbledore Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 And if I can do it, anyone can do it! It's difficult to argue with that. Things are looking up. Link to post Share on other sites
Dumbledore Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Like you'd ever have a chance to discover what I have and what I don't have... Sure, go ahead and rub it in. Anyway, I will save my dime for someone really special, or perhaps just go really wild and spend it. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Sure, go ahead and rub it in. Anyway, I will save my dime for someone really special, or perhaps just go really wild and spend it. You do that. I hear there's one available for sale on LS. You go girl!! Link to post Share on other sites
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