McFadden Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Sometimes. My best friend all through high school and I'm still friends with him is a guy and there has never been sexual tension but I have some male friends where there is a lot of sexual tension (lets face it, me and the people I hang out with are at an age where there's a lot of sexual tension and are all good looking at that.) But, I don't think there being a small amount of that precludes having an actual friendship. I can accept that there can only be a friendship for one reason or another and not keep pushing for more to happen. If some guys can't do that its thier problem, they can have all male friends but I think that would be boring to have all friends that are one gender. And to the people who think it is not possible, who are bi people supposed to be friends with? I guess they can't have a friendship with anyone according to that theory. Everyone isn't attracted to everyone.
Yamaha Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 I have no problem with that, but it sure as heck is annoying when guys say that being friends with a female is not possible just because it is not possible for them. The bolded part makes no sense. Sure it wouldn't be shameful but why go through all that work and torture yourself by pretending to be a friend to the girl when all that you are doing is trying to get in her pants? Isn't that stressful? I agree it is torture to like a friend if they don't return your feelings but I don't think all men become friends with the premise of just getting in their pants. Many guys that post here claim they are in-love with their friend so I don't think they just want sex. They want a relationship. Many guys are afraid of rejection so they think if the girl sees their personality and becomes friends she will like them. They don't understand that women see romance different from men. I think it is possible to be friends with a women if there are things about her that you don't want in a relationship. On the other hand, if you find that she is everything you desire in a women then you better find out where you stand, romantically, or your just setting yourself up for pain. Would you really go to so much work of becoming friends ( months or years )just to have sex with her? If you would then you must be a player.
the D Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 But, I don't think there being a small amount of that precludes having an actual friendship. Sure, you can be friends. But we have to accept that it's not the best deal. One side is always secretly hoping for something more. Friends without benefits, as it were.
Pyro Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 I agree it is torture to like a friend if they don't return your feelings but I don't think all men become friends with the premise of just getting in their pants. Many guys that post here claim they are in-love with their friend so I don't think they just want sex. They want a relationship. Many guys are afraid of rejection so they think if the girl sees their personality and becomes friends she will like them. They don't understand that women see romance different from men. I think it is possible to be friends with a women if there are things about her that you don't want in a relationship. On the other hand, if you find that she is everything you desire in a women then you better find out where you stand, romantically, or your just setting yourself up for pain. Would you really go to so much work of becoming friends ( months or years )just to have sex with her? If you would then you must be a player. You are correct that the reasons are not just limited to trying to get in her pants. My apologies for not mentioning that before. Like I said before, my problem is when guys come on here and say that it is not possible and that its pointless and that its stupid to be friends with the opposite sex and that women are good for only one thing, and I do believe that most guys who feel that way have become friends with a woman because they were interested in her in some romantic way and in the end she was not interested.
McFadden Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Sure, you can be friends. But we have to accept that it's not the best deal. One side is always secretly hoping for something more. Friends without benefits, as it were. To be honest I don't mind there being a small undercurrent of sexual tension, it adds spice to the situation even though nothing is ever going to happen. Lol. But if I ever got into a serious, exclusive relationship then it would be a problem and jealousies would arise. That's why I don't think thats the ideal situation for me at least for several years. I can't be in a relationship with someone that will try to stamp out any of my friendships.
the D Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 , and I do believe that most guys who feel that way have become friends with a woman because they were interested in her in some romantic way and in the end she was not interested. Exactly. If that's not the case, then the girl lusts after the guy. One way, or another, there is guaranteed to be a sexual undercurrent. I can't be in a relationship with someone that will try to stamp out any of my friendships. Understandable. Besides, you can't help it if your male friends want to have sex with you.
McFadden Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 I agree it is torture to like a friend if they don't return your feelings but I don't think all men become friends with the premise of just getting in their pants. Many guys that post here claim they are in-love with their friend so I don't think they just want sex. They want a relationship. Many guys are afraid of rejection so they think if the girl sees their personality and becomes friends she will like them. They don't understand that women see romance different from men. Two of my friends have this situation, its been going on forever. I think I actually posted about it at one point and you gave me advice, which I passed on to the guy because he kept pestering me to get involved in the situation. Unfortunately he didn't listen in the long run and makes all of the textbook mistakes. She rejected him and they still are friends and he is constantly pushing the envelope. His friend knows he is miserable and seems to be liking the situation. It irritates me. I have practically stopped hanging out with them especially when they're together.
Trialbyfire Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 You are correct that the reasons are not just limited to trying to get in her pants. My apologies for not mentioning that before. Like I said before, my problem is when guys come on here and say that it is not possible and that its pointless and that its stupid to be friends with the opposite sex and that women are good for only one thing, and I do believe that most guys who feel that way have become friends with a woman because they were interested in her in some romantic way and in the end she was not interested. Thank you. At least there's one guy on LS who doesn't view women as only good for one thing.
Yamaha Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 His friend knows he is miserable and seems to be liking the situation. Then she is not his friend. I think I do remember giving you advice for him but he went back to her after she begged him to be her friend. It is his pain to bear and he has no respect for himself. You can't force someone to see something they are not ready for so he will have to come to his own conclusion in his own time. He can't go on forever living on hope.
McFadden Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Understandable. Besides, you can't help it if your male friends want to have sex with you. For some reason, I don't like it when someone is attracted to me and I don't like them that way at all. I tend to end up avoiding them. It has to be either no tension, a little bit on both sides, or all from my side. Its hypocritical of me to be like that, but I can't help what makes me uncomfortable. If I knew someone was hanging on in hopes of me liking them I wouldn't feel comfortable at all..so if that is the case with any of my friends they are keeping it one hell of a secret, some of them have said I'm not thier type.
the D Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 At least there's one guy on LS who doesn't view women as only good for one thing. Nobody is saying that. It has to be said that women and men can't be friends in the pure sense of the word. Sure, you can have friends of both genders, but deep down the female-male "friendships" will have sexual undercurrents. It's a fact of life.
Pyro Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Thank you. At least there's one guy on LS who doesn't view women as only good for one thing. You are welcome. It is a shame. Women are awesome, at least most of them.
Yamaha Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 For some reason, I don't like it when someone is attracted to me and I don't like them that way at all. I tend to end up avoiding them. It has to be either no tension, a little bit on both sides, or all from my side. Its hypocritical of me to be like that, but I can't help what makes me uncomfortable. If I knew someone was hanging on in hopes of me liking them I wouldn't feel comfortable at all..so if that is the case with any of my friends they are keeping it one hell of a secret, some of them have said I'm not their type. They have changed the dynamics of the friendship. Avoiding is not the answer, by the way. You just need to let them know that you don't feel romantic towards them but you still like them as a person. If they can't see you that way then it is best that you don't remain friends. By avoiding you both will be awkward around each other. Just be casual acquaintances and let it go at that.
Trialbyfire Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Nobody is saying that. It has to be said that women and men can't be friends in the pure sense of the word. Sure, you can have friends of both genders, but deep down the female-male "friendships" will have sexual undercurrents. It's a fact of life. Since I have a number of male friends who don't feel that way, perhaps it's perception and then the attitude that makes the difference. You are welcome. It is a shame. Women are awesome, at least most of them. Haha...well, consider yourself one of the awesome guys.
Pyro Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Nobody is saying that. It has to be said that women and men can't be friends in the pure sense of the word. Sure, you can have friends of both genders, but deep down the female-male "friendships" will have sexual undercurrents. It's a fact of life. Do you have any evidence to back up your claim? You saying "its a fact of life" is not enough.
Pyro Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Haha...well, consider yourself one of the awesome guys. I do consider that, but even I have my bad moments.
Trialbyfire Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 I do consider that, but even I have my bad moments. Don't we all... I don't know anyone who's perfect. If anyone claims they're always awesome or nice, they're in denial. We all have our A sides and B sides. My B side just happens to have more songs than my A side. As you can see, I'm not in denial.
Pyro Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Don't we all... I don't know anyone who's perfect. If anyone claims they're always awesome or nice, they're in denial. We all have our A sides and B sides. My B side just happens to have more songs than my A side. As you can see, I'm not in denial. Exactumundo! I like knowing what my flaws are so that I can improve on them. So which side does the bus driver fall onto?
Trialbyfire Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Exactumundo! I like knowing what my flaws are so that I can improve on them. So which side does the bus driver fall onto? Guess what the B stands for?
Yamaha Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Do you have any evidence to back up your claim? You saying "its a fact of life" is not enough. Unless you are asexual then you are going to see the opposite sex as a sexual being. It doesn't mean your attracted to them or that you would act on it if you were but you recognize they are a sexual being, just as you are.
McFadden Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 They have changed the dynamics of the friendship. Avoiding is not the answer, by the way. You just need to let them know that you don't feel romantic towards them but you still like them as a person. If they can't see you that way then it is best that you don't remain friends. By avoiding you both will be awkward around each other. Just be casual acquaintances and let it go at that. Well I don't just avoid, I tell them that I don't want anything more than a friendship and they agree. But then they still keep hinting, so I tend to avoid hanging out with them and just become acquaintances. Maybe its hypocritical of me to do that since I'm on the other side sometimes, but like I said I just can't feel comfortable. Its not like this happens to me a lot btw. Only be 2 or 3 times. I still feel bad about it, like there was no satisfactory conclusion to the problem.
the D Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Since I have a number of male friends who don't feel that way, perhaps it's perception and then the attitude that makes the difference. The truth is that you don't. If you don't feel that way, then they do. It's as simple as that.
Pyro Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Guess what the B stands for? Unless you are asexual then you are going to see the opposite sex as a sexual being. It doesn't mean your attracted to them or that you would act on it if you were but you recognize they are a sexual being, just as you are. I can agree to that. I like the way you worded it.
the D Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 Do you have any evidence to back up your claim? You saying "its a fact of life" is not enough. You can't deny the basic biology on which the entire human race is founded. Relationships between men and women are primarily sexual. Of course men and women can be friends, but there is always one side of the friendship that is imbalanced. Just because you are on the side that doesn't have the problem, it doesn't mean there isn't one. The sexual undercurrent is invariably there.
Trialbyfire Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 The truth is that you don't. If you don't feel that way, then they do. It's as simple as that. Well...no...that would be inaccurate. I have four very close male friends who are also married to four very close female friends. We've all known each other since highschool. I also have more male friends beyond that but these four guys are like brothers to me. They would do anything for me and I would also reciprocate. Same goes for their wives.
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