my issues with weight

[spookie]

Allina, thanks for being so open. I think you're completely crazy for thinking the things you do, but I must admit my mind often follows the same paths. I think most, if not all, women have thoughts like yours on occasion.

 

For me, though I've honestly never judged anyone for their weight (not because I don't have my psychotic biases (I can be very jusgemental), but because I happen to use different "criteria" to determine who is "better") I often assume that *I* am judged for my level of fitness (perhaps rightly so, as this thread shows). Even though I am not in the least bit fat (size 5/6 at 5'8), I am so intimidated by skinny people that I go out of my way to avoid talking to them. I just assume that the girls will write me off as a pathetic fat loser, that, even if they're reasonably friendly, they'd never be able to be my friend (because I am not skinny = hot enough), and the guys... I just assume the guys will laugh as soon as I am out of earshot.

 

For me, personally, I can trace my craziness about appearance back to middle school. I wasn't fat, but somehow I ended up being the kid everyone picked on anyway. The"hot" girls would say things like "Eww, she touched my hand, now I have to go boil it!" and the cute boys threw things at me and requested seat changes if they were assigned to my table. I know I'm not 12 anymore but sometimes I still feel it and I think that until I can pass off as really hot = skinny, I am going to avoid mixing with attractive folk.