Drink problem - epiphany?

[PoshPrincess]

For the last two years almost I have been struggling a lot with various emotions due to the break up of my LTR followed by a badly ending very emotional STR. I have been seeing a guy for a few months now which has really helped with my emotional well-being in lots of ways.

 

Basically, last summer I was at rock bottom. When my LTR ended I started smoking (in my 30s - how sad!) and barely a day went by where I didn't have an alcoholic drink. Some evenings I sat indoors on my own and got through a bottle of wine or more. I even used to go to the pub on my own at lunchtime some days where I was so down.

 

Anyway, since meeting new BF I have been a bit better, as in when I am at home on my own I can go without drink. I have a child which makes it easier for me as I cannot go out in the evening to buy alcohol. Last night I got through a bottle of wine (again) with a friend, after drinking the previous two nights. I woke up early hours of this morning and suddenly though "WTF am I doing?" I then made a conscious decision to cut my drinking right down. I don't think I am an alcoholic but I do realise that if I drink I can't just have one. I get a taste for it and that's it. My only redeeming thing with all this is that I do have that barrier where I can't drink any more. I have decided that I will now only drink when I go out (which is maybe once or twice a week at the most) and will stick to spirits with mixers which don't affect me half as much.

 

I just wondered if there are any others here who have found their drinking spiralling out of control? What else can I do to help myself? I know the incentive with this (apart from the obvious health issues and supposedly being a responsible parent!) is that I will eat more healthily (no post-drinking munchies) and will hopefully find it easier to give up smoking. Here in the UK the smoking ban has just come in so I am unable to drink in pubs and restaurants meaning that I would only smoke when I am drinking at home.

 

I just wanted to share this with you as I feel a lot more hopeful about the future now that I have come to this decision. My finances are in a mess so I need to sort that out too but I am well on my way there!

 

Thanks for listening.

[JackJack]

Sounds like you might need some outside help for this istuation, not just for the drinking but the depression that makes you feel the need or want to drink.Alcohol is a surpressant, so most people while depressed feel drinking is the answer and might make them feel better, but it doesn't, and usually makes things worse. I'm glad you are able to feel somewhat better with this new guy, but how do you think you would feel about things if you didn't have him in your life right now? Hopefully you're not dependent on having someone in your life to make you feel better. Look into getting some outside help, to help you with the things going on in your life right now. You need to be able to think clearly, and be there for your child and get your finances straightned out. Hang in there.

[Santiago 17]

I know how you feel. I am 24 and going through the same type of thing I think that a breakup triggered it, but I am not sure now? I just need to find a way to break the cycle or I too am afraid of becoming dependant on alcohol or just needing someone too! I never felt as if I needed someone to feel whole but I think I do feel that way now. I no longer feel resentment or even like I really want to have my ex back or even someone new unless I am hung over. I actually have a lot going for me and could really be on top of my sh#* if I could either stop or curb my drinking. I feel as if it has really gotten bad lately. It might be due to the fact that my ex was toying with me and I called her out on it and she admitted to having feelings still but then she gets engaged a couple of weeks later to a guy she hasn't even dated for a year, right after telling me she was no where close to wanting to marry him. It just really makes me clueless b/c I just don't seem to understand people. I mean if this guy knew what kind of stuff his new fiance was doing (behind his back) he would probably really be upset and I would too (that is why we broke up she was talking to an ex behind my back). I guess I just have unrealistic expectations about relationships, loyalty, and everything. I mean every person I have met since my ex hasn't worked out either, b/c they all seem to kinda be full of sh#* too! I guess that might be b/c I am meeting them in bars? Sorry this is sooooooooo long and I got off track but I haven't vented for a while.

[jcster]

Alcohol is physically addicting. When you drink regularly, your body builds up a dependency to it and it starts to affect your decision making and mood - causing you to drink even more!

 

The only way I've found to break the cycle is to NOT DRINK! If you have an iron will, you can try going out infrequently and limiting the number of drinks that you have, but in reality this usually isn't going to work. The number of drinks will start increasing - you'll tell yourself - "just for tonight I'm going to have FUN" and then the trouble starts again.

 

Give yourself a test. Stop drinking alcohol for 1 month. If you can't, you will need to find some help.

[PoshPrincess]

Thanks Guys for your advice. One week on and I feel I have made some progress already. I have had a drink on a couple of occasions but I have managed to have one or two without going over the top. Even after a sh*t day at work on Tuesday I still did ok. Plus the slowing down on drinking I have now given up smoking too. Well, I say 'given up' but at the moment I am taking one day at a time. It's Day 4 today.

 

Apart from this, I feel a lot more positive about things, inclunding the break up of my previous R. I feel that I am finally starting to move on.

 

Santiago, I feel for you. I think drink clouds our judgement in every way and accentuates every type of emotion. If you're happy, you go out, get drunk and feel happier; likewise when you're miserable it can make you feel even worse. If drinking does help, it's onlty for a few hours.

 

I have been having counselling mainly for my depression and R break-up and it was helping but I have had to knock it on the head for the time being, due to my finance problems. Hopefully, when I am in a better position money-wise I will start my sessions again as it WAS useful. Santiago, maybe you could do the same? It helps to have someone professional to talk to who can help you to see things more clearly.