separation from spouse

[Lucian]

Thanks Cobra,

 

I got no reason to be bitter, life does go on, devastated, yes I was, the initial shock was great but I think I got over it.

 

Anyways, I got my recommendations from my lawyer re separation agreement, boy I tell you lawyers know how to make money. The agreement is 20 or so pages and his recommendations document is 15. It took me a whole day to review both documents.

 

He is suggesting that I should push for spousal and child support. I don't want to, yes she is making a lot of money but I can take care of myself and the children. Besides I don't want her money, I don't want anything from her. I just hope that she will be a good mother.

 

Also I disagree with me trying to get full custody. She is the mother and I believe that she has the right to spend as much time (50%) with her own children. What happened between us should not impact the children.

 

Everybody, including my lawyer, told me that over time I will end up with the children. Already she told me that the little one (1 year old) will stay with me, since my mother will be here to take care of the kids. I like that.

 

For the women/mothers on the forum I have a question, how can one distance from their own children?

 

On a brighter note, I went to get a hair cut this weekend and I was telling my story to the hairstylist. I wanted to buy a gel (my hair is getting longer and does not stay in place ), they did not have any left but she said that she will order some and then gave me her cel. number, she said to call her. Why the heck did she gave me her cel. number?

[Woggle]

If you ask me you should go for support. If the situation was reversed best believe you would be paying out the ass so why not go for the gusto?

[Melovator]

Thanks Cobra,

For the women/mothers on the forum I have a question, how can one distance from their own children?

 

I have no idea- the thought of being without my son breaks my heart and I have no idea how I'll cope when my ex finally does get his a$$ into gear and gets his own place and can take our son overnight.

 

All I can think is that she knows that you are the better parent and that its the best thing for the kids to be with you.

 

Or... she could just be a skanky ho who doesn't give a rat's left testicle about anyone but herself...

[Cobra_X30]

He is suggesting that I should push for spousal and child support. I don't want to, yes she is making a lot of money but I can take care of myself and the children. Besides I don't want her money, I don't want anything from her. I just hope that she will be a good mother.

 

Also I disagree with me trying to get full custody. She is the mother and I believe that she has the right to spend as much time (50%) with her own children. What happened between us should not impact the children.

 

Everybody, including my lawyer, told me that over time I will end up with the children. Already she told me that the little one (1 year old) will stay with me, since my mother will be here to take care of the kids. I like that.

 

For the women/mothers on the forum I have a question, how can one distance from their own children?

 

Lucian,

 

Oh, man red flags for me. My mom did something fairly similar to what your wife is doing. Straight up, there are going to at least one new man in her life... maybe more than one if this doesnt work out for her. You cant control who she puts your children in contact with. Step fathers are notoriously evil... I can tell you from experience!

 

What if she decides to shack up with Mr. Level 3 sex offender? You want your kids in that environment? Plus, her emotional distancing from you 1yo... man that just gives me the willies.

 

Please... Please... give some thought to it before you decide not to go for full custody.

[Lucian]

My wife asked me if she could come by my house to pick up some toys and "other kids stuff". I agreed, I just don't know how to behave with her when she will be here. Initially I wanted to leave the house and come back after she left, but I will stay here. I signed the separation agreement and at that time I will hand it over to her so she can sign as well.

 

I wanted to ask her how is she doing, how things work out for her but... probably this is not a good idea at this time. I want to ensure that she is OK since she will be with the kids 50% of the time.

 

The kids return Sept 6, and they will stay with me for 3 days and then they will go to their mother for 3 days. I miss them so much, cant wait to be with them - and this is coming for a guy.... ha ha ha but, after all it was ME that gave up my career to stay home with them for 1.5 yrs. I have no regrets, it was the best time of my life.

 

My wife called my sister and started crying saying that I have destroyed her life and that she hates me for all of this. WTF she walked out without even trying to discuss with me or try to save the marriage. I think she is getting over her infatuation and start to realize what she has done. It does not matter really.

 

My hairstylist - she is married, not happy etc etc. I told her that she needs to work on her marriage and not look elsewhere for happiness. I asked her to speak with her husband about how she feels about him and for the sake of their kids to work it out. She thought that I would just sleep with her and be together. None of it has or will happen. I will not be the one destroying a marriage.After all this is exactly what my wife did...

[LucreziaBorgia]

My wife called my sister and started crying saying that I have destroyed her life and that she hates me for all of this. WTF she walked out without even trying to discuss with me or try to save the marriage.

 

 

That's pretty typical, actually. She's trying to make herself look like less of a bitch for destroying your family by trying to place the blame on you for her actions. Blameshifting is very, very common in situations like this. She will probably continue to do it as your children get older because she doesn't want her children to see her as the 'bad guy'. My mother spent over thirty years trying to convince me that literally abandoning her family for a married man after several affairs, and signing her children off for adoption through the mail was not her fault. Um... yeah, right. I'm not saying your wife will do that - but do not rule it out - particularly if she tries to ditch your children off while they are young. She'll probably be back when she is older, guiltridden and looking for atonement.

 

I would say she is at the very beginning of realizing exactly what she has done. She won't be fully there though until she stops blameshifting, and accepts responsiblity and blame for what she has done instead of holding your responsible for her affairs and destroying your life together. My mother never got to that point, and she died still trying to blame my father for all of her affairs, tried to blame his parents for giving us up for adoption, etc. You wife may also never get to the point where she stops blameshifting - and she may very well carry that on through your children as well.

 

I can tell you this though - the better parent was the believed parent... I expect it will be that way in your case too. Your actions, words and integrity in this case will keep people from believing her, if they even do at all.

[Gunny376]

That's pretty typical, actually. She's trying to make herself look like less of a bitch for destroying your family by trying to place the blame on you for her actions. Blameshifting is very, very common in situations like this. She will probably continue to do it as your children get older because she doesn't want her children to see her as the 'bad guy'. My mother spent over thirty years trying to convince me that literally abandoning her family for a married man after several affairs, and signing her children off for adoption through the mail was not her fault. Um... yeah, right. I'm not saying your wife will do that - but do not rule it out - particularly if she tries to ditch your children off while they are young. She'll probably be back when she is older, guiltridden and looking for atonement.

 

I would say she is at the very beginning of realizing exactly what she has done. She won't be fully there though until she stops blameshifting, and accepts responsiblity and blame for what she has done instead of holding your responsible for her affairs and destroying your life together. My mother never got to that point, and she died still trying to blame my father for all of her affairs, tried to blame his parents for giving us up for adoption, etc. You wife may also never get to the point where she stops blameshifting - and she may very well carry that on through your children as well.

 

I can tell you this though - the better parent was the believed parent... I expect it will be that way in your case too. Your actions, words and integrity in this case will keep people from believing her, if they even do at all.

 

BINGO! (Said whle spittin' in a dog's eye!) That was a good one!

[Lucian]

I have no idea- the thought of being without my son breaks my heart and I have no idea how I'll cope when my ex finally does get his a$$ into gear and gets his own place and can take our son overnight.

 

All I can think is that she knows that you are the better parent and that its the best thing for the kids to be with you.

 

Or... she could just be a skanky ho who doesn't give a rat's left testicle about anyone but herself...

 

 

I think is the latter, she is "all about me", she was never, come to think about it, a 'family' person. She was/is more in love with her career and very thirsty for power and prestige (she is associating work titles ie Director, VP etc with prestige). I always knew that and that was another reason that I have accepted to stay home with the kids, to give her an opportunity to rise in the corporate world. She did that but she also destroyed her family.

[Lucian]

That's pretty typical, actually. She's trying to make herself look like less of a bitch for destroying your family by trying to place the blame on you for her actions. Blameshifting is very, very common in situations like this. She will probably continue to do it as your children get older because she doesn't want her children to see her as the 'bad guy'. My mother spent over thirty years trying to convince me that literally abandoning her family for a married man after several affairs, and signing her children off for adoption through the mail was not her fault. Um... yeah, right. I'm not saying your wife will do that - but do not rule it out - particularly if she tries to ditch your children off while they are young. She'll probably be back when she is older, guiltridden and looking for atonement.

 

I would say she is at the very beginning of realizing exactly what she has done. She won't be fully there though until she stops blameshifting, and accepts responsiblity and blame for what she has done instead of holding your responsible for her affairs and destroying your life together. My mother never got to that point, and she died still trying to blame my father for all of her affairs, tried to blame his parents for giving us up for adoption, etc. You wife may also never get to the point where she stops blameshifting - and she may very well carry that on through your children as well.

 

I can tell you this though - the better parent was the believed parent... I expect it will be that way in your case too. Your actions, words and integrity in this case will keep people from believing her, if they even do at all.

 

 

Well, all my friends (used to be her friends as well but now according to her they are all a bunch of no good losers) consider her actions as not normal - they do blame her.

 

My wife does not talk to anybody about what has happened but a while back, my wife, opened and spoke with one of our friends (female) about how she felt and how she reached the conclusion that marriage adds to her misery and that she decided to end the relationship. Wife was criticized and urged to work on the relationship and not give in so easy. Needless to say, wife got pissed off with our friend and never spoke with her again.

 

She gave herself as an example, yes they do have sometime a hard time in their own marriage (busy schedules, small kids, no time for themselves etc) but she has never thought of leaving her husband. The always talked and resolved among themselves their problems.

 

Yesterday my sister told me that wife told her that she has left me because I was an alcoholic (that really made me laugh - drinking a cold BEvERage by the pool on a hot day then I guess YES... I am an alcoholic ).

 

She told me that she is leaving me because I am an underachiever that I have no career aspirations and I am no good. WTF, I quit my well paid job so I can stay with the kids home, while at home, I redone the floor on the main level of the house, installed new windows and doors and repainted most of the rooms - but I guess I am no good because - doing work on your own house does not make you a CEO of... constructions

 

She is unhappy because she thought that meeting that guy at work, will solve her problems. Well, he does not want a 2nd wife, he needs someone for sex outside his marriage - she is not happy about that...but hey that is not my life. I got my own stuff to take care of - my kids.

 

I am just glad that she will spend some time with them ALONE, so she can see what it means to take care of toddlers and, I hope, in the process she will learn what it means to be a good loving mother to your kids. I hope this from the bottom of my heart that she will get close with her kids, but I have this feeling that it is not going to happen.

 

To her being a good mom is buying the kids, new toys everyday and dressing them in the latest brand names fashion.

 

I remember my 2.7yr old asking me to dress her as a mermaid so I put my snorkeling gear on her (fins mask, etc) even though she could not walk too well, given that she was wearing the fins...in the living room :laugh: the kid was very happy. Wife came home and started to criticize me for not taking care of the kids and dressing them backwards.

 

Gunny you crack me up... all the time....:laugh:

[Lucian]

My STBXW came by my house yesterday to pick up some kids toys.

 

When I first saw her I did not feel too good, I remembered in an instant all the things that she has put me though....

 

She was very detached but tense at the same time, she started talking about the kids and how the are behaving and how they have changed. The kids are staying with grandparents (her parents) until next week when they will come back.

 

I was listening to her and thinking 'you don't even know your children' she was telling me how they are, me that spent the last 1.5 yrs with them at home raising them.

 

But I was patient and listened, I was looking at her she looked 'old and tired' black circles under her eyes, blood shoot eyes... I was thinking, while looking at her, well here is a power thirsty executive with her personal life that went down the drain.

 

She spent a good hour and half, collecting toys and hauling them to her car, she was complaining that her new apt. is too small and does not know where she will put all this stuff. I suggested that she should take less..

 

I gave her all the photo albums as well - she offered to make copies and I declined telling her that now, I have no use for these. She was not too happy.

 

Before she left she said that will see each other more often - not sure what that meant, but I really don't care.

 

I was afraid of the first meeting with her, after no contact for a month. Amazingly I feel good about it. Don't want to be with her, I am just sad that my family fell apart that my children will grow in a split family.

 

I was a good husband, quit my career to stay home with the kids, took care of spouse (prepared gourmet dinners), attentive to her needs, bought her flowers and gifts all the time. My woman friend that I shared my thoughts on my relation with my wife said jokingly 'where were you before I met my husband'.

 

All assure me that I did no wrong, she just has major issues to be in a relationship. No problem there but, its still the kids, I wanted them to be with mommy and daddy not mommy and "boyfriend" and daddy and "girlfriend".

 

I am fiercely traditional when it comes to marriage. I realized that if I would have stayed in this marriage I would have sacrificed a lot (on a personal level) but I would have done for the children.

 

One thing is good, I made clear to her that she cannot be bossy and cannot control my life. The other is that at least now she is communicating and acting in a more normal way. I guess the hate towards me has diminished somehow.

[Gunny376]

I think is the latter, she is "all about me", she was never, come to think about it, a 'family' person. She was/is more in love with her career and very thirsty for power and prestige (she is associating work titles ie Director, VP etc with prestige). I always knew that and that was another reason that I have accepted to stay home with the kids, to give her an opportunity to rise in the corporate world. She did that but she also destroyed her family.

 

She's flying too close to the Sun ~ her azz is going to probally crash and burn. Less than 1% make it, but of those that do? They make others think they can make it! Too make it? Forget family, forget a spouse, forget children ~ forget everything other than making it!

 

Its not worth it! Work to live ~ not live to work! I know I was once there! Since then? I caught my azz a bus to Mexico, and now live in Margarettivile with my flip-flops, straw hat, and Raybans!

 

Hell! I'm to the point where I don't give a damn nor a rat's azz if the Sun don't shine! And that's a good thing!

[Gunny376]

My STBXW came by my house yesterday to pick up some kids toys.

 

When I first saw her I did not feel too good, I remembered in an instant all the things that she has put me though....

 

She was very detached but tense at the same time, she started talking about the kids and how the are behaving and how they have changed. The kids are staying with grandparents (her parents) until next week when they will come back.

 

I was listening to her and thinking 'you don't even know your children' she was telling me how they are, me that spent the last 1.5 yrs with them at home raising them.

 

But I was patient and listened, I was looking at her she looked 'old and tired' black circles under her eyes, blood shoot eyes... I was thinking, while looking at her, well here is a power thirsty executive with her personal life that went down the drain.

 

She spent a good hour and half, collecting toys and hauling them to her car, she was complaining that her new apt. is too small and does not know where she will put all this stuff. I suggested that she should take less..

 

I gave her all the photo albums as well - she offered to make copies and I declined telling her that now, I have no use for these. She was not too happy.

 

Before she left she said that will see each other more often - not sure what that meant, but I really don't care.

 

I was afraid of the first meeting with her, after no contact for a month. Amazingly I feel good about it. Don't want to be with her, I am just sad that my family fell apart that my children will grow in a split family.

 

I was a good husband, quit my career to stay home with the kids, took care of spouse (prepared gourmet dinners), attentive to her needs, bought her flowers and gifts all the time. My woman friend that I shared my thoughts on my relation with my wife said jokingly 'where were you before I met my husband'.

 

All assure me that I did no wrong, she just has major issues to be in a relationship. No problem there but, its still the kids, I wanted them to be with mommy and daddy not mommy and "boyfriend" and daddy and "girlfriend".

 

I am fiercely traditional when it comes to marriage. I realized that if I would have stayed in this marriage I would have sacrificed a lot (on a personal level) but I would have done for the children.

 

One thing is good, I made clear to her that she cannot be bossy and cannot control my life. The other is that at least now she is communicating and acting in a more normal way. I guess the hate towards me has diminished somehow.

 

Your 5X5 and 6X6! You've got your head and azz wired together, and your priorties straight! Your good to go!

 

Just be there for those Babies ~ cause the STBXW doesn't sound as though she's got her act together!

[Lucian]

Your 5X5 and 6X6! You've got your head and azz wired together, and your priorties straight! Your good to go!

 

Just be there for those Babies ~ cause the STBXW doesn't sound as though she's got her act together!

 

 

Thanks Gunny,

 

Its good to hear your opinion. Makes me so much comfortable with my actions, line of thought.... yes sometime I doubt my actions but words like yours makes me believe that I am on the right track. Thanks again.

[Melovator]

Lucian, you're bloody amazing. Your STBXW is an idiot. She could not be doing what she's doing in terms of her career without you having been at home. She didn't want to do the domestic juggle, she left that to you and you took it on, you made her life easier and smoother and then she complains its not enough.

 

Do you know how many women will fall at your feet when you put yourself out there eventually? They'll be asking if you have a twin brother! And you'll get to pick and choose buddy!

 

And your kids already know which parent is there for them. When they puke who do they ask for? Bet its not mummy! You're STBXW is a loser on so many levels! The mind boggles!

 

You're going to have a great life or there's no justice in the world.

[Woggle]

This is why men should never play the domestic role. I know this sounds sexist but as evidenced by this thread a woman will lose respect for a man and eventually leave him.

[Lucian]

Hey Mel,

 

Thanks, right now given the circumstances... I am in doubt that there are women out there that really appreciate a person like me, I think that women want security, a man, a strong man... that makes $$ and is a good provider not someone to stay at home and raise the kids and does not have any career aspirations. The other side of the coin is "how can you have career aspirations when you are rearing children and take care of the house"?

 

Just for the record, I am back into the "game" and I make more $$ than her and I have a better "title" than her. But one thing is for sure, this does not make me happy, I do it because she left me with a sky high stack of debt.

 

As for my kids - I know who they will call for... here in my house they ARE allowed to write on the walls (even though they are freshly painted:D) they are ARE allowed to do toddler stuff without being reprimanded. I take great joy and most of the time it makes me laugh when I see the stuff they do.

 

Woggle,

 

You are right, I am the perfect example but, on the other hand maybe I was with the wrong person.

Prior to having the kids I was, just like her, all about career. When the kids came in to my life something 'clicked' in my head and I realized that working 12 hrs a day and going to 'the top' is not what life is all about. My motto was

'Hey, its lonely at the top but the view is beautiful' - not anymore, I enjoyed very much being 'Mr Mom' kinda weird but that is the truth. Trust me driving a car with a 3 pointed star on the hood - that is not life, life is spending quality time with your family, loving your spouse and receiving love back.

 

On the other hand my STBXW still lives by my old motto. But that is her problem. I am just glad that she will be alone with the kids (just like I was in many many occasions) and I hope that she will actually see what it takes to raise them ... yeah I'm evil...

 

One thing though that goes through my head: why the heck did she wanted to have children - I have no regrets, but her, knowing that she was in love with her job more than anything else on this world...... i just don't understand....

[Woggle]

Career women such as her are incapable of loving anything but themselves. It is very much me me me when it comes to them and it is impossible to have a happy relationship with a woman like that. I am not saying that all successful woman are like this but there is a certain type of career woman that is just posion when it comes to a relationship. The super dependent types that want a man to support are just as poisonous. As for me I am all about money and the hell with the prestige and titles. I don't even want status symbols but the money to travel and have fun with. I would rather buy a bunch of old records than but a Benz. I have literally met homeless people I would rather hang out with than most corporate types. I enjoy my job but I know they don't give a ***k about me so I look at it as a means to an end and when my house is paid off I am opening up a nightclub. The corporate world does nothing whatsoever for me.

[Lucian]

Woggle,

 

I know, I realize this now, that she was all about ME. She would step over dead bodies to get higher in the corporate world. Her job and ppl that she works for are her support system - this is so wrong.

 

As you pointed out this world has no feelings, when you are down, or you are not performing to standards - to increase the stock value. One day you are a star the next day you are used toiled paper.

 

Decisions that I make everyday affect the lives of employees (downsizing, outsourcing, etc.). I try to be as humane as possible but its so hard balancing business needs vs ppl. needs. This is my internal conflict... I am aware of the fact that I influence ppls. lives (sometime in a very negative way) but, I cannot have the attitude "all about ME".

 

For her its a lot easier, she does not take in consideration the "human factor" bus. decisions are clean and dry - nazi style Probably that is why she cannot relate to family life or get attached to her children. Sad sad way to walk on this earth.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Woggle,

 

I know, I realize this now, that she was all about ME. She would step over dead bodies to get higher in the corporate world. Her job and ppl that she works for are her support system - this is so wrong.

 

As you pointed out this world has no feelings, when you are down, or you are not performing to standards - to increase the stock value. One day you are a star the next day you are used toiled paper.

 

Decisions that I make everyday affect the lives of employees (downsizing, outsourcing, etc.). I try to be as humane as possible but its so hard balancing business needs vs ppl. needs. This is my internal conflict... I am aware of the fact that I influence ppls. lives (sometime in a very negative way) but, I cannot have the attitude "all about ME".

 

For her its a lot easier, she does not take in consideration the "human factor" bus. decisions are clean and dry - nazi style Probably that is why she cannot relate to family life or get attached to her children. Sad sad way to walk on this earth.

 

It sucks that a woman that a woman would put a career over her own family. I basically thought having a career would be to support your family.

 

Maybe she just wanted kids to just say she had them. Maybe she doesnt know how to be a mother? What was her background childhood like?

 

 

Family comes first but if your not able to put that before yourself or your career you have problem. Dont sweat it lucian. There's women out here that's gonn a find your qualities mad attractive and hop on that. It's her loss. lol.

[Lucian]

Hi Barracuda,

 

Her mother left the marriage when the daughters were 11 and 13. Her father was not much of a parent. She moved in with her mother when she was 16 but her mother.... is an interesting specimen. She does not now how to raise kids, I am looking how she behaves with my own kids... not good... not much of an education. Her mother is motivated by $$, she left her husband for another that had lots of $$. That was in '88, she is not happy with current man. He is a very good guy, works hard but not much of a spender, his wife (my mother in law) is very much a spender, latest fashion, latest cars, you get the picture.

 

Daughter (my STBXW) does not have a communication channel with her mother. They are just... not getting along, but they sort of come together during crisis situations (like a separation). Let me explain - mother just trows $$ at her daughter... this is how she understands to support her daughter.

[Chrome Barracuda]

That's sick!

 

I mean leaving another man for one with money. And she calls herself a mother. She emulating her mother's history. and until she works through all that stuff in her head she will never make a great girlfriend or wife material!

 

You can clearly see that her mother and her, there is no difference between what you said about her in your posts and what you just said about her mother.

 

Do you notice the simularities?

 

I think you shouldnt even waste your breath talking about her. Clearly she's crazy. and she has baggage, Be happy you got out of the marriage kind of unscathed.

 

Money helps you in life, but what they dont realize is it doesnt cure everything.

[Lucian]

Hi all,

 

Here is a quick update on my situation.

 

The split parenting works great, I mean I am with my kids half the week and I also have some time for myself (when kids are with STBEX).

 

Yesterday she came to pick them up, they both started crying and the little one (1yr and 3mo) did not want to let go of me. Quite emotional moment for me. She seemed unmoved by this, she said "probably they are tired".

STBEX missed the first parent/teacher night, she stated that she has work commitments, work commitments after 19:00? Whatever... I went with the kids and we had fun.

Next weekend she was supposed to be with the kids but since on Saturday she has a party to go to, she will only pick them up for Sunday only. I dont mind, more time for me with the kids.

 

She looked tired, even though she is only 34 now she looks much older. this time her clothes were all wrinkled and stained, big change from her work outfits that are very 'revealing' - I guess a way to show that she is available:laugh:

 

Now in retrospect I can say that NC separation is the best, it gives both parties some time to "chew" on what has happened. In my case, I realized that I dont want to be with this ungrateful, selfish and cold hearted woman. She still has a negative effect over me - when i see her it unsettles me, it makes me sad, and this pisses me off - I dont care about her anymore, but I cannot forget what she has done to me, trying to throw me on the street... and of course cheating.

 

I met a woman, she is nice and we get along very well - similar ideas about parenting, family life etc. We went out several times had a good time, a few laughs.

I started to have mild feelings of "likeness" towards her , and then she dropped the bomb. She is married with 3 kids, not happy in the marriage, husband neglects her, cheats on her all the time. She does not want out because of the kids but she is very very unhappy, they have not been intimate for 3 years.

 

I will not be the one that she is having an EA, I will not break the marriage or give her false hopes. I told her that she needs to speak with her husband , she said that she has given him numerous signs, tried to speak but to no avail. She sounded like my STBEX when she was giving me all these "gave you plenty of signs, tried to talk to you....etc"

 

How do I distance myself from this woman without causing her any grief, she is saying that I make her very happy and I am her source of strength... WTF:mad: arghhhhh:mad::mad::mad:

[Chrome Barracuda]

Your a cool woman but I'm not gonna be the OM. Work on your marriage and stay away from me.

 

I need to find someone that's single and unattached and you need to have more self respect because your married. And it isnt right. Right now your cheating whether it's emotional or physical it's still cheating.

 

Go home and give your husband a chance. Dont do what my ex-wife did do me. I could never respect a woman like that. Never.

 

Good enough to say and it is the truth.

[Ladyjane14]

I met a woman, she is nice and we get along very well - similar ideas about parenting, family life etc. We went out several times had a good time, a few laughs.

I started to have mild feelings of "likeness" towards her , and then she dropped the bomb. She is married with 3 kids, not happy in the marriage, husband neglects her, cheats on her all the time. She does not want out because of the kids but she is very very unhappy, they have not been intimate for 3 years.

 

I will not be the one that she is having an EA, I will not break the marriage or give her false hopes. I told her that she needs to speak with her husband , she said that she has given him numerous signs, tried to speak but to no avail. She sounded like my STBEX when she was giving me all these "gave you plenty of signs, tried to talk to you....etc"

 

How do I distance myself from this woman without causing her any grief, she is saying that I make her very happy and I am her source of strength... WTF:mad: arghhhhh:mad::mad::mad:

 

Don't mince words. It's not you who's causing her "grief". She's causing her own by refusing to deal effectively with her marital problems.

 

Take a page out of Gunny's book. Assuming she physically separates at some point from her husband.... when you can walk up to the door and ASK the man if he has a problem with you seeing his wife and he says 'no'... then THAT's when it's okay. Not one minute before.

 

If this woman is "dating" behind her husband's back, she's no better than the one you're divorcing.

I think in your heart you already know that.

[Lucian]

Thanks Lady Jane,

 

For sure I know that what she is doing is WRONG, it makes me sick.

 

I asked her how come she is not wearing her wedding band she said that in her heart she is already separated from her H, since he started cheating on her, now he does not even try to cover his "escapades".... I guess he must have a valid reason for his actions.

 

What is wrong with these people? Why couples cant get along, what happened to traditional family values? I guess in my naivity I always believed in the marriage institution and ever lasting love....my STBEX, "opened" my eyes.

 

I found out that my STBEX she has been "around the block" a few times but I never suspected anything, I had no reason plus I trusted her with my life, she could have stayed in the marriage and cheat around, I would have not suspected anything, or even believed that she was having all sorts of affairs.