Cheated upon, humiliated and degraded.

[brokenheartedguy]

Good day everyone. Here is my story.

 

I swear that every word of this is 100% true but you could be forgiven for thinking that I've got a fertile imagination and made it up, or for thinking that it's a script from a TV drama.

 

I have been with my wife for 10 years now and we have 2 young children. Our relationship had its ups and downs like any other but in general we were both happy and secure.

 

1 year ago my wife cheated on me with another man. I found out about it pretty much straight after she had done it. To make matters worse, this guy was no ordinary man. He looked like he had escaped from the Billy Smart Circus Freak Show Extravaganza. Hold that thought.

 

She showed no remorse and offered no apology and instead she criticised me for over reacting about something so trivial as she said she still loved me and still wanted to be with me so get over it and forget about it.

 

I then found out that she had unprotected sex with this man and on the same night she cheated with him, a few hours later when I came home she had pulled me into the bedroom for unprotected sex also. During this, she made me perform oral on her. So in other words I was down there drinking and slurping up this other guys sloppy seconds. Sorry there isn't a politer way of putting that last sentence.

 

Now correct me if I'm wrong but if I brought a friend of mine round and forced my wife to swallow his man juice against her will then we would quite rightly be charged with rape. I don't know how it stands with the law but from a moral point of view she has carried out a male rape on me, a straight hetrosexual guy. For months I contemplated suicide having to deal with this in my head, thankfully those thoughts have receded slightly but this is still something I will carry to my grave.

 

This episode also threw up a lot of evidence from over the years where she has proved herself to be a totally compulsive liar and I wouldn't be surprised if she hasn't done this before with another guy.

 

It then came out a few months later that this guy was a drug user and was HIV+. It was like a hammer blow to the skull. Thankfully we both tested negative but we had caught Clamidia from this dirty oaf. Now treated.

 

Despite what she has done I still love her and my children so this puts me in a dilema - if I leave her my life is hell and my childrens lives destroyed. But if I stay with her it's pretty much the same. I have gone from being a sensible, easy going, level headed guy with a good job and good standard of living to a messed up wreck, my head all over the place, contemplating suicide, not wanting to leave the house or have contact with any friends or family.

 

What should I do ? What would you do ? I can't win.

 

All advice received with thanks.

[Bree]

You know that saying "I can do bad by myself." Apply it.. You said you'd be in hell if you stayed or left. So leave. Whatever she feels for you is not Love. LOVE does not risk someone they LOVE's life. Don't comit suicide, it is not your fault. You just fell in love with the wrong person. Trust me, there is so much more to life, Good things, than what you have right now. For the sake of you and your children get out.

[PeterJames]

Gosh.

Okay, here goes nothing.

First, why would your children's lives be ruined if you left her? It'd be more unhealthy having an untrustworthy mother. This isn't healthy for you. You'll be more of a wreck with her. You know that.

[underpants]

Dude, that is crazy.

 

If this is true, then I am so sorry. That is just messed up on so many levels.

 

You answered your question in that it will be bad for you no matter which step you take. However, if it were me I would be leaving and wanting to take my kids. Seems like the lesser of 2 evils so to speak.

 

I definately think you should see a therapist because you need someone professional to talk to about all this. I also think you should consult a family law attorney and see what your rights are.

 

She would probably benefit from therapy but you can't fix other people, nor can you make them want to fix themselves.

 

Infidelity is bad enough, but come on, what she did and on top of it not showing any remorse. I think you know what you have to do. Besides you have to be an example to your kids. Even if you two divorce you can still have a heathy and happy existance with your kids and maybe one day with a woman who would do messed up stuff like that.

 

Eeewww

[norajane]

Despite what she has done I still love her and my children so this puts me in a dilema - if I leave her my life is hell and my childrens lives destroyed.

 

Why do you say this? Lots of people get divorced and they are much better off for it, as are the kids. Do you really believe your kids' lives are better off with this woman around?

 

I'd say get yourself to a lawyer and fight for sole custody as your wife doesn't seem to be a fit parent. Leave her to her sick games alone.

 

And start going to a therapist - your wife abused you and you need to deal with it because it's already turning you into a person you don't want to be.

[Bryanp]

Sorry but you would have to be out of your mind to remain with her. She has shown total disrespect and contempt for you resulted in you getting an STD. She has you perform oral sex on her after she had sex with this guy. You are lucky you do not have aids.If your son grew up and had a wife to this to him what would you say?

 

Why would you love someone who shows such contempt for you. If the roles were reversed do you think she would have accepted such sick and disrespectful behavior from you? She shows no remorse and for you to get over it? It sounds like she is using you for the benefits of being in a marriage. Enough is enough. If you do not respect yourself then who will? I feel sorry for you that you feel so little respect toward yourself that you are willing to accept such humiliation. How very sad.

[Curmudgeon]

First of all, you've been cheated upon but neither humiliated nor degraded. Your wife's unloving and risky behavior defines her. It does not define you.

 

Your childrens' lives will not be destroyed if you leave their mother. Mine weren't when I divorced theirs -- changed, yes, destroyed, no. All are happy and successful adults now and only oneof the five has any relationship with his mother. The other four shun her but are close to me, as is the other one.

 

If it was me, I'd leave her. Come to think of it, that's what I did when I discovered the ex's affair. No regrets and my life has been ever so much better since.

[zilverenvlinder]

brokenhearted, I'm sorry you had to go through this. It is truly a disgusting and awful story. I can imagine your want to end your life recently after it happened, because I would, in fact, be that disgusted also.

 

You cannot be punished for your wife's disturbing and disgusting behavior. I know this is going to sound harsh, especially since you have children together, but I would not be with her anymore, for the pure and simple fact that there is a very, very high chance she WILL do this again, especially when she showed no remorse for it afterward. What happens when she does it again and you DON'T find out?

 

The best response I can give you is to cut her off. Your children will still love you and want you to be their dad, I promise. You can find a much better woman out there, one who will NOT do this to you.

 

Now, if you had told me that she was on her knees crying and begging for forgiveness, I might change my response...but since she brushed it off so lightly, I would say she will do it again.

[ImaManDammit]

The best response I can give you is to cut her off. Your children will still love you and want you to be their dad, I promise. You can find a much better woman out there, one who will NOT do this to you.

 

Now, if you had told me that she was on her knees crying and begging for forgiveness, I might change my response...but since she brushed it off so lightly, I would say she will do it again.

 

I completely agree. In my case she lied to my face that she wasn't doing anything wrong when I confronted her about suspected cheating. From that point I felt so bad I went to therapy for trust issues, only to find out I was right in the end.

 

She blamed me for it, and told me to deal with it, and was only sorry after I caught her, and she was actually mad I tried to catch her and didn't trust her.

 

People like this just don't understand good from bad as it relates to people other than them.

 

Sorry to say bro, but cut her loose. Its gonna hurt like hell, but in the long run, its for the best or will you wait until you actually get HIV next time?

 

Take care man and best of luck.

[JackJack]

I then found out that she had unprotected sex with this man and on the same night she cheated with him, a few hours later when I came home she had pulled me into the bedroom for unprotected sex also. During this, she made me perform oral on her. So in other words I was down there drinking and slurping up this other guys sloppy seconds. Sorry there isn't a politer way of putting that last sentence.

 

 

I'm sorry just trying to understand here. So you already knew she had cheated on you, and even though you knew,you had sex in the same night you found out about her cheating? Is this correct? Or you having sex with her was on a completley different night?

 

"She made me perform oral sex on her."

 

I doubt she made you, although I could be wrong. Anyway sorry this happened, you'll probably need some counseling to help with this situation.

[ash519]

Brokenhearted...I would be gone! Not only did she cheat, but she put your life at risk...

 

And as for your kids i will quote Dr. Phil "It is better for a child to come from a broken home then live in a broken home" and I completely agree. With the resentment and anger you feel towards her, the kids will hear, feel and sense it in everyway. Kids are smart and absorb everything.

 

Leave. And if it hasnt been 6 months since the incident be sure to get tested again after 6 months just to be sure.

 

I wish you luck!

[flowerfairy142]

I believe your story. There are a lot of sick people out there.

 

LEAVE HER!!!!! You WILL BE SO MUCH BETTER OFF!!!!! One of my good friends got married in January....her husband CHEATED on her 2 months after the wedding....she lived with the thought of "life goes on, let me save what's left of this marriage" but she finally came to an epiphany and said you know what? He's making me feel the way I am NOT SUPPOSED to or DESERVE to feel so I'm leaving...I don't care what anyone says nor will I be afraid of the unknown.

 

And you know what? She just filed for divorce today...and she feels HAPPIER AND BETTER THAN EVER.

 

Now I know your situation is different and you and your wife have kids but oh wow...you need to leave her!!!!!!! Don't be scared!!!!!!!! She does NOT LOVE OR RESPECT YOU AND YOU DONT DESERVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[chaos40]

Good day everyone. Here is my story.

 

I swear that every word of this is 100% true but you could be forgiven for thinking that I've got a fertile imagination and made it up, or for thinking that it's a script from a TV drama.

 

I have been with my wife for 10 years now and we have 2 young children. Our relationship had its ups and downs like any other but in general we were both happy and secure.

 

1 year ago my wife cheated on me with another man. I found out about it pretty much straight after she had done it. To make matters worse, this guy was no ordinary man. He looked like he had escaped from the Billy Smart Circus Freak Show Extravaganza. Hold that thought.

 

She showed no remorse and offered no apology and instead she criticised me for over reacting about something so trivial as she said she still loved me and still wanted to be with me so get over it and forget about it.

 

I then found out that she had unprotected sex with this man and on the same night she cheated with him, a few hours later when I came home she had pulled me into the bedroom for unprotected sex also. During this, she made me perform oral on her. So in other words I was down there drinking and slurping up this other guys sloppy seconds. Sorry there isn't a politer way of putting that last sentence.

 

Now correct me if I'm wrong but if I brought a friend of mine round and forced my wife to swallow his man juice against her will then we would quite rightly be charged with rape. I don't know how it stands with the law but from a moral point of view she has carried out a male rape on me, a straight hetrosexual guy. For months I contemplated suicide having to deal with this in my head, thankfully those thoughts have receded slightly but this is still something I will carry to my grave.

 

This episode also threw up a lot of evidence from over the years where she has proved herself to be a totally compulsive liar and I wouldn't be surprised if she hasn't done this before with another guy.

 

It then came out a few months later that this guy was a drug user and was HIV+. It was like a hammer blow to the skull. Thankfully we both tested negative but we had caught Clamidia from this dirty oaf. Now treated.

 

Despite what she has done I still love her and my children so this puts me in a dilema - if I leave her my life is hell and my childrens lives destroyed. But if I stay with her it's pretty much the same. I have gone from being a sensible, easy going, level headed guy with a good job and good standard of living to a messed up wreck, my head all over the place, contemplating suicide, not wanting to leave the house or have contact with any friends or family.

 

What should I do ? What would you do ? I can't win.

 

All advice received with thanks.

 

 

YOu have one rotten cunt of a wife there buddy. Finding out about the going down after sloppy seconds would have meant jail time for me no question.

 

If you leave her she rapes you in court for almost everything you have but you have your dignity. If you stay, she still pretty much rapes you for half your **** including your dignity. Off her and do the 10 years

[mental_traveller]

Your life won't be screwed up if you leave, nor will your childrens'. In fact, you will all be massively better off if you leave immediately and cut contact with her as much as possible. Every day you stay with her is causing more damage to you and your kids.

 

Sorry to say this but your wife is a ho - you should dump her immediately, and divorce asap. Part of me says you should also pee in her coffee every morning before she drinks it, to take revenge, but that's your call.

[Topper]

my first thought is This is just the first time she has been caught. My guess is she has been doing something like this for a long time. She seems to have some wierd sexual thing going on. She is getting a thrill out of risky sex and humliating you in the process. She is sick, she needs help. But you are not the guy to give her help.

Like others, I would say this is the deal breaker. Don't leave her. Kick her out! Thats right you stay in the home and kick her out. Why should you be seperated from your kids and have to make all the ajustments in your life. Why should have to move into some crappy apt?

Now go to your Dr and get checked for STDs

[dbtmarley]

You are lucky you do not have aids.

.

 

Ahhh yes he would have been the first to catch AIDS, which is not the correct way of putting it. He could become HIV+, but not from the episode he described, his wife would have had to seroconverted first and then he could have caught it from her. The guys semen posed no risk to you, i know that may be hard for you and others to believe, but it is true The clap is much easier to get, unfortunately you found that out.

 

Concerning the HIV, did your wife test negative 13 weeks past exposure? If she has not done so I would refraim from having unprotected sex with her. Judging from what you have written here about your emotions, sex with her has probably not been on your mind.

 

Dude.... Your story sounds so much like mine. The only difference is both my ex-wife and I tested positive, which was a tough pill to swallow in addition to the infedelity on her part.

 

I was subsequently Baker Acted into a crisis center because I was suicidal. You need to leave her just like I left my ex-wife. I know it all seems bleak right now because it was for me then and remember this was with the addition of HIV infection. Today things are great, I am closer than ever with my 5 year old from my ex, and I just recently got married...

 

Your life will move on if you leave. If you do, 5 years from now you'll be looking back thinking, "WOW I made it through all that".

 

Hang in there...

[brokenheartedguy]

I would like to thanks everyone who has taken the time to post on this and for your kind words of encouragement.

 

I am actually quite surprised that everyone has basically said 'leave her', I thought there would have been a few posts suggesting that we tried to work it out, get counselling etc. But I can't disagree with any of the advice given.

 

I would like to add that although my wife showed no remorse and offered no apology at the time, she is full of regret about the whole thing now. But at the end of the day that doesn't really change what happened.

 

Now I've got a lot more thinking to do. Thanks again for your opinions .

[Darth Vader]

But how many times has she done this to you, how could you trust that this was the only time? Boot her!

[RIDINGTHEBULLS1]

This woman is poison. She seems to get a kick out of degrading you unknowingly. PLEASE LEAVE THE MARRIAGE! This woman seems like she has a lot of hatred against you to do this to you. Your kids will be more screwed up if you stay in such a dysfunctional situation.

[bish]

What should I do ? What would you do ? I can't win.

 

All advice received with thanks.

 

What should you do? Do what I am doing....divorce the wh0re.

 

Then when its final....play the field...or look for a decent woman...cuz your wife definitely is not.

My wife showed no remorse either. She is now only because she will be living like a pig because she is a lazy ass and doesn't want to get a decent job.

 

Do it man...just divorce this tramp and don't waste any more time with her.

Get out there and live! After 13 years with her and 8 years of marriage, I can say after an initial rough spot that I am looking forward to being single and not having to deal with an adulteress on a daily basis.

[Lean On Me]

Good day everyone. Here is my story.

 

I swear that every word of this is 100% true but you could be forgiven for thinking that I've got a fertile imagination and made it up, or for thinking that it's a script from a TV drama.

 

I have been with my wife for 10 years now and we have 2 young children. Our relationship had its ups and downs like any other but in general we were both happy and secure.

 

1 year ago my wife cheated on me with another man. I found out about it pretty much straight after she had done it. To make matters worse, this guy was no ordinary man. He looked like he had escaped from the Billy Smart Circus Freak Show Extravaganza. Hold that thought.

 

She showed no remorse and offered no apology and instead she criticised me for over reacting about something so trivial as she said she still loved me and still wanted to be with me so get over it and forget about it.

 

I then found out that she had unprotected sex with this man and on the same night she cheated with him, a few hours later when I came home she had pulled me into the bedroom for unprotected sex also. During this, she made me perform oral on her. So in other words I was down there drinking and slurping up this other guys sloppy seconds. Sorry there isn't a politer way of putting that last sentence.

 

Now correct me if I'm wrong but if I brought a friend of mine round and forced my wife to swallow his man juice against her will then we would quite rightly be charged with rape. I don't know how it stands with the law but from a moral point of view she has carried out a male rape on me, a straight hetrosexual guy. For months I contemplated suicide having to deal with this in my head, thankfully those thoughts have receded slightly but this is still something I will carry to my grave.

 

This episode also threw up a lot of evidence from over the years where she has proved herself to be a totally compulsive liar and I wouldn't be surprised if she hasn't done this before with another guy.

 

It then came out a few months later that this guy was a drug user and was HIV+. It was like a hammer blow to the skull. Thankfully we both tested negative but we had caught Clamidia from this dirty oaf. Now treated.

 

Despite what she has done I still love her and my children so this puts me in a dilema - if I leave her my life is hell and my childrens lives destroyed. But if I stay with her it's pretty much the same. I have gone from being a sensible, easy going, level headed guy with a good job and good standard of living to a messed up wreck, my head all over the place, contemplating suicide, not wanting to leave the house or have contact with any friends or family.

 

What should I do ? What would you do ? I can't win.

 

All advice received with thanks.

 

What should you do? Find a good girl. What would I do? The same. Yes, you can win, if you find a decent girl. No more talk about killing yourself, she is not worth it. No one is worth killing yourself over, no matter how much you love and care about them. She wouldn't kill herself over you.

 

GUYS (MEANING EVERYONE ON HERE) NO ONE IS BETTER THAN ANOTHER IN GOD'S EYES, SO NO TALK ABOUT KILLING YOURSELF, OK?

[Sweet Chestnut]

I htink that you should cool down a bit. You dint catch hiv, and thats greate, second she was infidel once, and even if it isnt alright it isnt the end of the world. What happeend when she got home and had sex with oyu, could have been her trying to hide it out and not making you suspicious.

It was a bad thing that happeend, but i dont get why you got all depress and suicidal about it?

She didnt had an affair with the guy, more like a one night stand. Not funny, but can happen.

better than those in open marriage....

If i get it right this happeend long ago, why did you get so obnssesed by it and why does it have messed up your entire life, and put everything up side down?

I dont get it.

Maybe soemthing else inside you is the reason for all this. The reality of your life versus the dream of it you had?

You just realised that liffe isnt perfect and that we live in an unperfect world with unperfect human beings.

Fine.

Where do you go from there?

Forward.

You learn it, and thats it, move on.

No problem staying with your wife if you love each others, and this was only a one case. Try working it out and going over it.

See a specialist go in therapy as another one suggested, you need it. Might be that this event awaken soemthing else inside you that needed attention too. You feel betrayed, left down, abused.

Treat that. She didnt sleep with a guy to put you odwn, nor did she let you perform oral sex on her on full purpose to humiliate you. it all happen as a chain of event, she met the guy maybe he was after her maybe she had a few drinks and the had sex, she came home, maybe tipsy, and you 2 had sex and she might not have wanted to stop you because she didnt wanted you to know about what she had done.

Of course she regret it, but she put it in perspective for you, that it was a one itme, and an error, but not soemthing to be taken seriously s a sign from her that things were wrong in the marriage or that she wanted you to file her for divorce.

She did right to tel you that specially the way you seems to have taken it: dead seriously, and thinking of suicide.

Also think that she migth need to makle it small to can live with it, men often do that, "that was nothing baby"...

Never heard it as a reason to throw yourself out the window..

Just try to cool down, and see it from a distance. Ok she made a mistake and had sex with one guy. The guy wasnt even looking like superman.

So what? We all have our weird moment.

Dont make one failure be the end of everythign inclusiv your own life.

We all make mistakes. And we all are equal in the fact that we cant turn back time. Done is done. We have to learn to move on, no matter what.

To learn that the one we love can be unperfect.

Dont try to found one that is perfect, there isnt.

learn instead to live with the one you have and that you love and who loves you back.

Would things be much different for oyu if the guy had been some hot shot and looking like richard geere? and not having aids and she had stop you from giving her oral sex?

It might have make some of it easier, but you didnt get aids, and clamidia probably had your wife to face consequences of her actions, i think that one was pretty heavy, compare with how it is for the most that are unfaithful, and for years and never get anything like that, but are nonetheless *******s. And that the guy was uggly is also ok, if he had look beautifull, it might have given you more complexes.

Maybe you put too much into it by peculating too much in the details of the whole thing. Get some distance from it instead, detach yourself from the whole event.

Rebuild yourself by not hanging anymore into that story.

just move on.

Forget, and forgive.

It was a mistake from the past, leave it in the past.

[Sweet Chestnut]

Doesnt change the fact that it is a mistake what are you talking about. When you try to repair your car but put back things in the wrong order, you also do it consciously but doesnt change the fact that you might had doen it wrong and made a mistake.

You cna also say things you might regret to a friend, you do so conciously, but was a mistake anyway. What you just said was completely meaningless.

We all do mistakes. making mistakes doesnt mean being like a zombie under drugs and doing wrong and then you wake up, even if sometimes one could think that was the case so stupid humans can be some times, it means making a wrong judgement, doing soemthing you shouldnt have.

He also made mistakes i am sure he can agree with that, we all do. But why let one mistake ruin their life and the kids life too?

She didnt have a long going affair with the guy, it was a one time thing, and all the other htings he describe like the guy was uggly, irrelevant, he had aids, but she didnt knew that hse didnt knew the guy, and it had no consequences for them anyway, so that too can be look over, the oral hting, well, maybe he didnt ejaculate inside her for the first, and second she didnt had him do so on full purpose to humiliate him, it happen by accident, to protect him from knowing she had just cheated him. How many times i heard men who just cheated their wife, come home and have sex with htem to clear their consciousness? Never read guys making it as terrible thing to do, as i can see now guys doing so when its a woman doing it.

Anyway he is blowing this thing up far too much and i am sure that she did regret it, but he is presenting it as she didnt, its probably a thing she said to put things down cause he was getting all sick and depress and suicidal. and she tried to help him put a distance from it. i think he needs to go to therapy, he got deeper issues surfacing because of that but who in their core got absolutly nothing to do with that thing.

Was she drrunk? how did she met that guy? do you often meet with people using hard drugs? junkies and so? did she met him at a party? from friends you both know? how is that possible? are you both connected to that klind of people? if not so she was at a party got drunk maybe the guy gave her soemthing like a join or else, and **** happen.

Came home still under it, and make love with oyu.

End of story. clamidia not good but over with, could be hiv but wasnt, wew! lucky, go over it as well.

Whats left is that your wife sleep with another guy that hse had no feelings for, and in circumstances that might talk for the accident.

We are humans not robots and not perfect.

No need to make her paid with months long depression and losing job and being suicidal. You make it into Hiroshima.

Nobody died, she didnt betraied you like oe who is unfaithfull meeting in secret, and for months and lying at your face. Then it hurts. but whne its a one itme thing with someone she oesnt know at a party and accidental, oyu dont know the guy maybe he is like that and do so with everybody.

And you wife isnt used to that kind, thats all.

What do you want to do? to forgive and forget, or to kill yourself or destroy your life for soemthing like that?

Its not like she did it with your best friend or your bro. What about those >MM who go on business trips and cheat their wife each time? and what about htose who see prostitute while married? and the wify dont know a hting about it, and it goes on for years. Is it better?

Put some perspective in it, maybe it is teaching you about yourself, you are not very tolerating nor forgiving and hold grudges all too long and too deep, and it is eating you inside. Thats not what she did that is hurting you, thats how you are chosing to view it and how you are keeping big grudges on her.

You view it s you presented it, with big weigth on the oral sex thing as a degradation thing. But is that real? no.

she didnt stage it up to humiliate you. it just happeend cause thats how you usualy make love.

you also put much wirght on the guys appearance and junkie status, well why are you jealous of the guy? she didnt love him nor prefered him to you. she didnt have a love affair with the guy, so oyu have no reaosn to do so. take as a prove she wasnt clear thatnigth or she wil certainly not have chosen a rag like him.

You also are out of yourself about the hiv thing, but none of oyu was infected by it.

What is the worse for oyu, that she was unfaithfull to you one nigth or that the guy was uggly?

try to see it objectivly.

You have morn over it long enough and both of oyu have been paying a far too high price for such a relativly small mishaps.

You can trust her, you know that. She didnt hide it from you, even she could have. You are being sadistic to her and masochistic to yourself.

Stop it and free yourself from your hate and keep-grudges evil circle.

Thats not worth it.

[Darth Vader]

No one knows how long this affair went on for, it doesn't matter. Hmmmm, this almost sounds like the attitude of a cheater.

[Darth Vader]

I wouldn't be surprised if this is his wife!

 

How would she know that's how he usually makes love?