Heartbroken but hopeful. Am i wrong?

[chloekline]

I started dating this guy about five months ago and we became sexually intimate right away because that's what we both wanted. Neither of us wanted a relationship at the time. We've become good friends and see eachother about every two weeks.

 

I have developed a huge crush on him and I really like him. I'm afraid to tell him though because I've read books (The Rules and Love Tactics) that say I should play hard to get and be more elusive and busy. If he knows I like him I feel that he'll lose interest. I've been turning down dates and acting busy but it's just made him upset and making it a point to not try and see me now. He either knows what I'm doing or has too much pride to chase me.

 

I know that he likes me as well from the way he acts around me. He gets shy and intimidated. He's always the one who initiates phone calls and getting together so I've never acted desperate or needy. Now the calls are less and less since I've been acting more unavailable. He probably thinks I'm not interested.

 

 

It seems like he calls me up just when I'm about to move on and forget about him, like he knows the exact timing that I'm beginning to lose interest. And me, liking him so much, of course agrees to see him each time thinking 'I'll take what I can get.' When I finally turned him down (very nicely) and I think it upset him a little. We haven't spoken in a week, no texts, nothing.

 

I'm afraid now that it may be too late. I sent him a text a couple days ago just saying hi and he hasn't responded. He's acting unavailable and busy now. I feel that maybe we're both playing the same games and it's getting us nowhere. We both pull back right when we feel that we've shown interest. Do you think he'll call try to see me again eventually?? I know you can't tell the future but just based on what I said and what you would do. I'm scared now because he means a lot to me. I feel so sad I can't focus on anything else.. I can't even eat.

 

What should I do?

[Hestia]

Those books are usually rubbish, you should do what you feel in your heart and ignore magazine rules. If you really like him you shouldnt be playing mind games, he probably got the message you gave him, that you're too busy for him.

you need to be patient and slowly try to get his attention back. Maybe you could call him and ask him out? If he likes you, things will work out naturally. Just be yourself and follow your heart and you'll be fine.

[chloekline]

Okay, it's just that when I do show interest by calling or trying to make plans, he backs off. Then because he's backing off, I do as well. And when he sees that I'm unavailable he comes calling to see me. It's like a cat and mouse game that goes back and forth. That's the only reason I started acting more unavailable recently. But now I fear he's never going to talk to me again.

[Hestia]

You only sent him a message a couple of days ago, thats not that long so dont panic yet. If that's how it works you need to be patient and wait until he makes the first move. Trust yourself, he will call. But you need to break this silly game and have a conversation with him. Tell him what you truly feel.

[chloekline]

Okay, I've been really giving it some thought and I think I should take stock and cut my losses with this guy. I would be lying to myself if I think that anything would come out of a purely sexual situation with a guy who only wants to see me for sex. He doesn't care to build any kind of friendship with me, just sex. It's obvious because he keeps me at a certain distance and right when I'm about to finally move on for good, he comes back with I miss you beautiful blabla bla. Because he wants me in his life but for ONE thing ONLY. And please honey, I'm worth more than that. I just HAVE to be strong when he comes calling again with his charming sweet talk. I HAVE to say no. That's the only way I can ever get over him and truly move forward instead of being stuck in this emotionally abusive cycle.