Catholic Girl Posted February 22, 2003 Share Posted February 22, 2003 I have lost 6 years of my life. Devoted all my energy and love to a man for all those years. We broke up 6 months ago because he wanted us to experiment the world. I said no. Throughout my life whenever I break up with someone I do it completely and in one shot. You dont want to see me, thats it. I will never see you again for the rest of my life. It is exactly as if you were dead! It is a devastating thing to do. This time my boyfriend convinced me to try to remain friends for a while. So it wouldnt be as hard. This past February 13th he came with a Valentines card and a bear. He sat on my couch and toldme that he loved me. That he's loved me for the past 6 years and that he does love me now. I was extatic to hear those words and myheart just filled with glory. Two days later, I was to meet him as planned. I called him as usual and found out that he was in a room with another woman. The woman told me that they were in love! He was furious that I had called! I am heartbroken. I feel like I have just seen the TwinTowersfall and I was inside of them. I have never been in a situation like this where I could actually hear the woman! For that matter know that there was another woman. I am completely distroyed. I have cried for the past 5 days and the pain is unbearable. I love him so much. I went to the doctor and they gave me prescription drugs, but I still feel the pain in my heart. How can somebody be so cruel and callous? Please I need your opinion. I can't live like this. I'm out of control. I am grieving so. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 22, 2003 Share Posted February 22, 2003 How can somebody be so cruel and callous? You know a person by his actions. He committed a callous act because he is a callous person. In short, not a man worthy of you. Cut him off and don't look back. It is very unfortunate that we sometimes spend years of our lives learning a lesson. Try, now, to leave that behind and get ready to start a better time in your life - and best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
flowers Posted February 23, 2003 Share Posted February 23, 2003 hi I am so sorry this happened to you. Nobody deserves to be this devestated. But, the most important thing is "you" .... and you need to do what is right for you. It would be hard...but, i would have to cut all communication off from him. He is taking you for granted.... He obviously if a very LOST person to be able to throw such a big portion of his life away. Its obvious that you are not lost.... So, take some time off for yourself.....and go out with friends....but, don't have any contact with him. Whether it be just e-mails.....don't write him....NO CONTACT. Believe me... you will feel like crap for a while. But, its better then getting married and having kids and then finding this out.... You deserve someone that is true to you and someone that can give you something that you want. Always remember,,,,, that you are a beautiful person and you deserve to have someone treat you like you are number one.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted February 23, 2003 Share Posted February 23, 2003 What a PRICK!!! That's gotta be one of those situations where you think of ALL the things you SHOULD have said AFTER it happens. The only thing you can do is cut him off totally. Realize that if he has priorites (ESPECAILLY that involve women) above you, then you DONT need him, and he can go sit on a d!ldo and spin. UGHHHH Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catholic Girl Posted February 24, 2003 Author Share Posted February 24, 2003 Thank you all so much for you reply. This week has not been easy for me. As I stated I have been crying all this time. Destroyed. Completely devastated. I spoke to everyone I could think so about this which was very hard for me for I am a very private person. Last friday, I finally broke down and headed to the hospital to visit my doctor. He prescribed medication for my nerves. Without it I cry uncontrolably and cannot focus on anything else but him. Even though I am taking the medication, my thoughts about "him" invade my brain and soul. He was my world. It tears me apart not to know where he is at this very minute. Last Saturday he appeared at my doorstep like nothing had happened. I did not come tothe door, but my sister told him I wsnot home. Now he wants to talk, but the way he sounds, he i making his way out of my world. I am torn because I love him and at the same time I know what a liar he is. Living in Darkness, Catholic Girl Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted February 24, 2003 Share Posted February 24, 2003 Don't let him back! Don't do it! Lay in bed and eat bon bons and watch TV all day is that what you need to do right now. But don't talk to him AT ALL. I know you are hurting immensely right now, but a month from now, two months from now, and beyond that, you will feel a hundred times better. You just have to make it that long without him. This is something you can do, one day at a time. You are going through normal break up feelings--just because you feel bad doesn't mean that this isn't the absolutely correct decision for you right now. As for why he is so cruel and callous? Who knows? I've stopped trying to figure it out. People do cruel things to other people all the time. It has no affect on how he felt about you during those six years, or on you as a person. It's his problem. You can't let someone back into your life who hurt you this way. Good luck. Post here when you need support or need to vent or get the urge to call him! Link to post Share on other sites
flowers Posted February 24, 2003 Share Posted February 24, 2003 hey. this guy burns me up inside. don't talk to him. There is so much more out there for you that you could never imagine. So, let it be. He is a scum and you deserve better. SCUM, SCUM, SCUM, SCUM. don't let your sorrow give in and talk to him. He mis-lead you and you don't want that for the rest of your life. HE HAS NOW SHOWN YOU HIS TRUE COLOR AND IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO MOVE IN A DIRECTION WITHOUT HIM. Nobody need this crap from a guy....he is a piece of trash...and he deserves to be with the other trashy women. He doesn't deserve you!! you are toooo good for him. Anyway, it will get better...it may take a few months though.... post whenever u need support. :_ Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted February 24, 2003 Share Posted February 24, 2003 What your feeling is perfectly normal. In fact, some psychologists recognize it as the shattering phase (the first of 4 phases after a breakup or being abandoned). It the phase where you can't believe this is happening to you, your world is completely blue, you feel hopeless, you cry alot, you think about them alot and cry some more. Just like we go through grief when we lose someone in death, we go through grief when we lose love. It's a loss to us. Even though what this guy did was callous as you say, you still love him or else you wouldn't be hurting as much as you do. Don't feel like you've wasted your years. I'm pretty sure during your relationship with this guy you did have some good times. Just as in life you have good times and bad times, just because you have bad times doesn't mean your life is a waste. So the relationship was not a total waste. He's made you feel good at times and you've made him feel good at times and be proud of that because it says something about you as a mate. That you're willing and able to make your mate feel good and feel happy. You have something to offer someone else. Just because the relationship didn't last doesn't necessarily mean that you were a bad mate or else you two wouldn't have been together as long as you have. It's an unfortunate situation. But every exit leads to another entry. I'm not saying you should rush into another relationship, it's always possible for you to have another relationship. Right now I would suggest that you just comfort yourself. Ride out the grief, don't try to ignore it or hide from it. Cry if you must. I know it's going to feel uncomfortable and unbearable at times, but the pain will ease away eventually. Pamper yourself, treat yourself, buy yourself some flowers some candy, take yourself to dinner buy yourself something special. Just take time to comfort yourself. And eventually, you'll get there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catholic Girl Posted February 25, 2003 Author Share Posted February 25, 2003 Thank you so much for you positive thoughts. It's been a hard week. I still have crying bouts, it seems it is never ending. I have another problem which he created. On this past St VAlentines he gave me a card. The card states that he loves me. Not only that he also told me that he loved me for the past 6 years and that he still loves me. Well, my mother asked me that weekend what I received for Valentines. Thisguy was the perfect gentleman sweetening my parents hugging my mother, gave her a note that says he loves me and spoke to my dad. Well,my parents in the spirit of St Valentnes sent this guy and email this week unbeknownst to me. The email basically states. Life is short, marry Catholic Girl : ). I spoke to "him" because he called me like 25 times leaving all kinds of messages and he asked me how I was doing, but he also mentionedthat his computer is not receiving emails! He doesnt know that I know about the email my parents sent him. NOw my parents are awaiting for a response... Hes lied to everyone, to my parents, his parents, my sisters, myfriends... I am just torn, my best friend and true love is gone. I dont know this other person. It is like he killed him! I love him so... it hurts so much. Catholic Girl Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted February 25, 2003 Share Posted February 25, 2003 You have to give yourself some time to hurt. Trust me, the pain will ease away. Leave this guy alone entirely. Don't have any dealings with him. I understand the hurt of losing someone you love and the body is there, but the person you fell in love with is no longer there. It happens. Stop waiting for the old guy to come back because he won't . But don't stop living your life as difficult as that may seem to be at this time. The pain will go away. Maybe what you need to do is read your bible for comfort, or find a good self help book that will help you through this ordeal. In the end you're going to find someone more better to love. Link to post Share on other sites
flowers Posted February 25, 2003 Share Posted February 25, 2003 hey. sorry that you have to go through such a rough period. When something like this has gone on in my life...that is when i am having pain....I always say to myself "no feeling lasts forever" that is...the intense feeling of sadness with decrease over time and you will gain a little more insite into this in the future....and then begin to realize that you need someone supportive in your life. IN OTHER WORDS...THE PAIN YOU FEEL WILL NEVER LAST FOREVER...THIS FEELING WILL NOT LAST FOREVER.... Link to post Share on other sites
Patty Posted February 25, 2003 Share Posted February 25, 2003 Hi Catholic Girl.Im sorry this happened to you.I know how you feel.I recommend keep yourself busy as you can.Untill you heal, its going to be like an emotional roller coaster.You will feel up and down.Keep yourself busy,read magazines and books that you like,get yourself a hobby,watch some comedys on television,watch the news to see whats going on,or even watch the discovery channel. The more you keep yourself busy the faster you will heal.If that doesnt help talk to a consolur. Patty Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 25, 2003 Share Posted February 25, 2003 honey, the guy sounds like a real cheese-weasel, someone not worth your time. it's one thing to have these kinds of feelings for him, to want and to hope and to expect a future with him, but in light of your monniker ("Catholic Girl"), look at your relationship from the viewpoint of what the Church teaches about marriage. A true sacramental marriage is one that is based on maturity (which he doesn't sound like he possesses based on what you've said about him being with someone else), mental stability (he lies to everyone?) and other good stuff. If the Church in her wisdom wants you to make a well-informed choice about the person you will be spending the rest of your life with, shouldn't you want to do that, too? loving someone isn't enough to make a relationship work, no matter how good your intentions. Add a weasel to the mix and it's only going to be harder. you're going to grieve losing him, it's not going to be easy, but this will pass, I promise. I think a lot of the folks on this forum here have gone through similar situations, and they can tell you that they've learned or are learning that they're made of some pretty tough stuff because as time passes, they've bounced back. Just like you will. In the meantime, start focusing on getting to know yourself better -- this is a very good opportunity to question what you want for yourself, what you want from others and what matters most to you. Link to post Share on other sites
catholicgirl Posted March 8, 2003 Share Posted March 8, 2003 I made a mistake. I spoke to him again. I love him so much. He said he left her, that he wanted me back. I fell for it. We made love on last Friday night. We were talking about our future. H was calling me honey. By Wednesday, we were to meet. We did, however his attitude had changed. WE fought and he told me that he did not loveme. That Frida did not mean a thing to him. We broke up once again. I told him that he was out of my life I left my eyeglassesin his house by mistake. Next morning he appeared at my doorstep to return the eyeglasses and tel me hurtful things like he never loved me! That when h walked on the beach with me he wanted to b with someone else. That it was all a lie. We fought verbally in front of mysister, until he lost it. He beat me up,blackand blue. Grabbed meby the hair and thrashed mearoud on the floor. He slapped me and kick mebetween my legs. He left with a bloddied nose. He had a nose bleed. I am torn. How can this happen? Why did it happen? WE aretwo college grads with brigt futures ahead. and I love him, truly love him. I am so lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 8, 2003 Share Posted March 8, 2003 You came here and got some superior advice. Had you taken it, you would not have gotten the crap beat out of you. However, I agree that you have a bright future ahead of you...as soon as you forget this guy and get some medical treatment for your injuries. I hope you have reported this incident to police. What he did to you went far beyond the limits of simple assault. You also have to consider that he could harm you again. Should you not get the advice of an attorney or the police and seek a peace bond or court injunction barring him from coming near you again. I hope you didn't forget anything else at his house. Link to post Share on other sites
Patty Posted March 8, 2003 Share Posted March 8, 2003 Get out of the relationship and fast!Never stay with a guy who hits you.If he hit you once he will do it again.Dont stay with him.Report it to the police.It makes me sick what he did to you.Please get away from him and immediately! Theres no way you can be in a relationship thats dangerous. Patty Link to post Share on other sites
sass Posted July 1, 2003 Share Posted July 1, 2003 Okay, I have been there done that. I had a relationship for 6 and a half years and gave him time after time. This guy repeatedly cheated on me, and called me names. When we would bump into each other out, he would call me more names, spit in my face, and try to get people against me. Even tried to sleep with my best friend to get to me. I don't know what about these situations that gets these guys off, but they don't stop. There's something about the power of you always coming back to him he likes, and he plays way toooooo many mind games. I know that you feel like it's the end of the world, but the only way to make it go away any easier or quicker is to cut all ties with this guy. Do things with the girl friends, whatever. Another guy will come along. Trust me. There are so many actual sweethearts out there, but be careful. There are many more of him as well. I know. Don't trust a guy until he gives you reason, not just because he says things, or says he won't. He needs to show it, if he cares, he will. I met a great guy and he would do anything for me. He knows about the ex, and understands my trust issues, and why it was hard for me to get close/open up comptletely. Just wait, all things get better with time. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts