Update and question: Cell phone and my discovery

[annabelle75]

I appologize if I have offended you OOD. I live in SE PA & I would help you. Even if it's by just making a phone call for you.

Yes, I don't know you from Adam & I would help.

You can PM me if you'd like.

Again, I WOULD HELP YOU.

TF

 

Don't bother. I offered her sincere help and even shared some of my own story with her via PM and appearantly even the suggestion of leaving means I am insensitive and hostile and earned me a spot on her ignore list. I don't think she really wants help which makes me think even though there may be some basis of truth to her tale, I think some of it is an elaborate fantasy she has built up around the situation in order to explain why she won't leave.

[outofdarkness]

what IS the deal w/ those annoying and childish hang up calls from OW's..My H overslept this morning, and sure enough, it got to be around 9 or so and there comes hang up call...I can't trace the numbers b/c they are either calling cards or cells...I can only tell the area code, and that's meaningless b/c calling cards bouce you all over the country..It's REALLY annoying..If my H's OW's frequent LS...PLEASE stop!!!!!!! I have a sick child fgs!!!!!!!!

[Cliche]

And, yes, I do have experience with abusive relationships. I have worked with several abused wive's including my own sister, who ended her 10 year abusive marriage last year.

Then, if you have experience with abused women, you should recognize that ODD is simply not ready to leave.

 

ODD, I going to again suggest looking for domestic abuse centers in your area. That DOES NOT mean you have to leave, it is simply a resource for you so that, when you're ready, you'll have some people and options open to you.

[mystic_pizza]

what IS the deal w/ those annoying and childish hang up calls from OW's..My H overslept this morning, and sure enough, it got to be around 9 or so and there comes hang up call...I can't trace the numbers b/c they are either calling cards or cells...I can only tell the area code, and that's meaningless b/c calling cards bouce you all over the country..It's REALLY annoying..If my H's OW's frequent LS...PLEASE stop!!!!!!! I have a sick child fgs!!!!!!!!

 

I am sorry you are going through such a rough time right now ood, but this post does not belong in the OW/OM forum. Asking advice about how OW's communicate with MM's is one thing, but this post about a hang up call is a vent that belongs in the Infidelity forum. You don't want posters disrespecting your feelings and many here have answered your questions very graciously, so you should show others the same respect they are showing you. This is a forum for OW's/OM's to post and vent about their own situations without having to deal with BW's venting about their husbands infidelity in the way you have done in this post. If you need to vent about OW's calling and hanging up, then you should take that to the Infidelity forum.

[outofdarkness]

I am sorry you are going through such a rough time right now ood, but this post does not belong in the OW/OM forum. Asking advice about how OW's communicate with MM's is one thing, but this post about a hang up call is a vent that belongs in the Infidelity forum. You don't want posters disrespecting your feelings and many here have answered your questions very graciously, so you should show others the same respect they are showing you. This is a forum for OW's/OM's to post and vent about their own situations without having to deal with BW's venting about their husbands infidelity in the way you have done in this post. If you need to vent about OW's calling and hanging up, then you should take that to the Infidelity forum.

point taken and respected..I apologize for this post and will make sure that I don't do it again...I let my emotions get the best of me...Thanks for pointing it out...ood

[mystic_pizza]

You are very welcome and I understand. I really feel for you and your situation because I have been there myself...the abusive part, not infidelity though. One thing you do have in your favor is that YOU know what he is like and in all likelyhood the OW does not. She probably has no idea that he is abusive and unstable.

 

I was in a very abusive marriage (emotional not physical abuse) and it took me a long time to gain the courage I needed to leave, so I completely understand where you are coming from. It sounds like you are very aware that you need to end the marriage for your own sanity and you are going through the emotional process to ready yourself for the final decision. Don't worry, one morning you will wake up and say, "today is the day" and you will walk out of that marriage and not look back. I am not saying it will be easy, with his abusive tendancies and all, but one day you will have the courage to make the decision and stick with it once and for all. Sure, he is going to threaten and harrass you, but when the courage you need kicks in, you will do what you need to do to protect yourself.

 

When I made my final decision, I filed for separation and the moment he tried to overstep his bounds and handle me physically, I marched right down to the court and got a restraining order. It worked and he backed off, which gave me the space I needed to proceed with the divorce. I NEVER took the restraints off either, they stayed in place even when the divorce became final.

 

Getting out of an abusive marriage is an emotional process because it beats you down and makes you question yourself. Once you have started the emotional process of separating yourself from the abuse there is no turning back, so in a sense, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually you will make your way there and walk out into the light.

 

Please take care of yourself during this time...that is the most important thing of all.

[NoIDidn't]

OOD

 

I am so sorry that you are still going through this, but even moreso for the insensitivity shown by some know-it-all posters. One in particular reminds me of my lawyer relative. A lawyer that has NEVER argued a case and may as well be a glorified paralegal - no disrespect to this relative or to paralegals as I am still very proud of her. But the constant, I am in law and blah blah blah gets old.

 

Passing the bar does not mean that you are now qualified for all situations.

 

I can tell that you are being emotionally abused as well. Its always telling that folks who have never been in the sitch constantly tell you that your sitch isn't as bad as you think or how they know people that got out. Or even how THEY got out.

 

I know what it is like to need help and not have anyone CAPABLE of helping you. I am going through that part now. Family all around me, but they won't and can't help me. No one in the bunch that I am willing to trust, either. So, I get it. Its the classic, so close, but yet so very far away.

 

But it really pains me to read so many of your threads and the responses because I wish my words could do more. I know I can't help you with anything more than my prayers (sometimes I wonder what's the point of that too). Those telling you that your M is already damaging your kids, don't know the other side of that truth. As long as your H is their father, there will be consequences that will affect the kids. Married to him or not, the kids will always be affected by his actions. And those making that argument are just taking a roundabout way of saying "its your fault".

 

Ignore them. Be strong and vigilant. I do know that it gets tiring. I don't speak from experience, but I can only imagine how emotionally exhausted you are. I hope you will one day be able to be free of this man and all of his games. I feel sorry for his OWs too, though. They probably think that they have a real prize and enjoy trying to torture you with him. Just wait until they get to be a target of his affections....

 

 

Big hugs, OOD.

[Babybird]

The only abusive R I was ever in was when I was in high school. I have a hard time understanding, even with the surrounding circumstances, how anyone can stay in these types of M.

 

I DO know how hard it is to leave a M. Especially with children. My big thing in this case is if he is being abusive to the W how long will it take before he abuses the children?

 

I guess what I am getting at is if no one in either family, or your friends will help you then you need to depend only on yourself. Go to a shelter. No matter how much money he has he can't get you there.

 

I am terribly sad that this happens to women, and even if I don't know you I wish there was more I could do to help. Helpful advice is wonderful but none of us from LS are there in person to help support you, pack your boxes and get you out.

 

When you get right down to it us women are a lot stronger than we think. Muster up that courage and give it everything you have. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say we will be here to give encouragement.