I don't see her and I miss her

[Michael426]

I recently lost my job of many years (through no fault of my own — the company was sold and the new owners made staffing cuts).

 

Anyway, there is a woman I worked with who was a very good friend. We were acquaintances when we worked together at a previous place, then were apart for a few years, then worked together again quite some time. Over the past couple of years, we've become very close friends. We would talk quite a bit at work and sometimes do things outside of work. We confided a lot in each other. (There are a lot of younger people at that workplace, and she and I were among the handful of the older generation.)

 

Since I lost my job a few weeks ago, obviously I haven't had the opportunity to talk to her every day. We e-mail and text every so often, and talk on the phone sometimes, but nothing like we used to.

 

The problem is, it seems like I think about her more than ever. I'm depressed about losing my job, but I'm just as upset (or maybe more) about not being around her. These days I should be concentrating fully on finding a new job, but thoughts of her distract me.

 

I used to think that we might develop a different kind of relationship if only we didn't work together. (I've had bad luck with workplace romances.) Now that we actually don't work together, I think about her more, but we communicate less. To be honest, she doesn't have much time to talk outside of work, and I don't want to be a pest leaving phone messages constantly. And I don't want her to think I've become dependent on her (although maybe I have).

 

I'm almost hoping to find a job out of the area so I have to move away and not have to deal with the situation (which is very possible). Or do I want to stay close by and then pursue something? Or should I just let it all fade away and leave her alone?

[norajane]

Dude, why don't you ask her out on a date? That's what you really want, isn't it?

[directx]

Yeah, you never said if she was single, married, or whatever.

If you guys were really close and she is single, whats the issue?

 

I think we need more info on the woman.

[Michael426]

OK, I'll get more specific.

 

I'm 48, single. She's 53, single. She was three desks over from mine, until I got laid off. I didn't want to mess up a work relationship if a personal relationship went bad. And now, I don't want to mess up a friendship for something else. You know what they say -- a bird in the hand etc. I don't have a lot of friends, and I don't want to jeopardize any of them. On the other hand, she is one incredible woman. (At age 53, she looks 30 on her worst days, sometimes she looks like she's in her 20s. She's extremely intelligent, but also extremely forgetful. She has great common sense, but she can't remember things from one day to the next. When I worked with her, I made sure to keep track of her appointments and remind her -- I wonder who's doing that now.)

 

I just wonder if she thinks we had just a "work relationship" and now that that's over, she's trying to distance herself from me. I'm not in the best frame of mind lately, being somewhat depressed and not much fun to be around.

[norajane]

Then be more subtle about it - just call her up and tell her it's been a while since you've seen each other and you'd love to take her out for coffee or a drink. When you go out, be friendly and flirt with her, compliment her, make her feel like a million bucks. If she responds to the flirtation, kiss her when you take her home.