Jealous friends...

[Talia]

I have had a group of close friends from college for a few years now, and I love them dearly but there is one thing that really pisses me off. I am a model, but whenever we go out I feel like i have to play down my looks to please them. If I wear a mini and heels or a low cut top, they get insecure and turn green eyed. It also stops them having fun, probably because they don't want the competition. I am young and want to go out and have fun but why should I have to wear baggy clothes or not go after guys? It's not even just my friends - it's girls in general. If I'm out at a bar they see me as a threat or something and i get bitchy looks and some have even deliberately spilled drinks on me. I know to some people this might not seem like a "real" problem but it upsets me that in certain situations I can't be myself because of other people's lack of self esteem.

 

Any advice/comments would be appreciated (and please don't tell me to lose my friends, we have been through a lot together and they are not deliberately being mean).

[Tony T]

I won't tell you to lose your friends because unfortunately they aren't your friends. Friends don't get jealous of other friends and try to ruin their nights out. Friends don't force friends to wear baggy pants and not go after guys. Friends don't get insecure and get green-eyed over other friends. Anyway, do keep them around...they only make you stronger...so they do serve a good purpose. What really counts is will they call an ambulance for you if you get run over by a car.

 

Your problem is a very common one, not just limited to models but one that many extremely attractive women endure. There's really nothing you can do about this type of jealousy except wait for your friends to become more mature or to get boyfriends of their own. When they do, it's not likely they'll want you along on their dates, when group style, for fear you'll receive more attention from their boyfriends than they get.

 

Actually, most often this type of arrangement is very appealing to women. Females LOVE to have a very attractive girl along. It helps them meet men. Guys walk up to the most attractive lady, the lady engages in conversation and then introduces them to the others. It usually works out very nice for all. Perhaps they haven't realized what an asset you can be as a "bird dog" of sorts for them.

 

Even outside the going out arena, women are often jealous of a very attractive woman but that's just human nature and there's really no cure.

You must have been friends with these ladies for a very long time...starting before the crazy thinking that you were a threat to them. The illogical thought that you will take every guy away from them is insane.

 

Your only option is to talk to each each individually and let them know just how you feel. Ask them straightaway what you can personally do to stop getting this kind of treatment. You may even give them suggestions, very discretely and sensitively, on how they can accent their own physical qualities in order to maximize their attractiveness.

 

Now, we're only getting your side of the story. If you are going out of your way to get all decked out in the sexiest way possible to outdo these ladies everytime and they sense you are doing this on purpose, then they have a right to be pissed. You say that's not the case and I take your word.

 

Perhaps once you settle on a guy yourself....remove yourself from circulation....and go on dates alone with a special guy these girls will go out and realize what kind of idiots they've been. But meanwhile, you can't cancel out human nature. You are right...they are not deliberately being mean...it's just instinctual with them. I don't mind people who are instinctively mean...that sort of makes it much better.

 

You can talk to a tiger and tell it how wrong it is to growl and attack people...but the animal will still growl and attack people. That's just the way they were programmed. And so many people are programmed for jealously. Just don't take it personally. It has nothing to do with you...it has to do with your friends insecurity and their perception of you as a threat.

 

I love having friends who consider me a threat and wouldn't drop them for the world. I don't blame you for wanting to keep these green with envy friends around for comfort and support.

[ThisGirlNameKD]

I know exactly what you're going through. When I was growing up I found it hard to make female friends because I was tall, thin, model like with long hair (it's short now), I guess what they feel guys like. What was weird about it was that I didn't even think I was all that attractive...average but not head turning beautiful. But I did turn heads and they didn't like that. I never dressed provocatively, nothing short nothing tight, but they felt threatened. That's how society has women. Like we have to compete with one another. But society tells us that if you don't look like a model you are less than, or common. And when they are with you, perhaps they feel that way. I have some very, very beautiful friends that get looks when they go out, but it's all good to me. It real takes a confident woman to be comfortable within her skin and not feel inadequate when she looks at beautiful women. But that's not most women. I agree with the previous post. Keep those girls around. Just try to be understanding to them, and ask them to be understanding of you. You have a particular way you want to dress, and you shouldn't have to down play that just to make them feel secure. Don't limit yourself because of other people's insecurities.

[Ally Boo]

Females are very competitive and of a jealous nature. I would suggest making new friends, like just hanging out with guys, or maybe gay guys. I've found that gay guys are better friends than any girl could ever be. They are more fun too.

 

These girls aren't your friends....and you'll be hard pressed to actually find ONE girl who has the potential to be a true friend.

[mimi]

I have gone through the same thing, and still do today. Those freinds of mine would get jeleaous to the point where they would go behind my back to tell guys that were interested in me that i was a player yada yada yada. Well, i wasn't having fun with them anymore, i just couldn't have fun with them, it became tiresome when i'd hang out with them and they said suck comments as "Well, i'd rather be smart than pretty, ect ect ". So i carefully weeded and picked through the poeple i knew and chose to spend my time with the gals who had confidance, and maturity to overlook the "looks" thing. Now i have a blast , because we all feel equal and no one of us is better or worse. It's easier said than done, but next you went out with the green-eyed broads, wear whatever you want and if they make a comment, call them on it.