Argh.. university..

[Tilbert]

Hi, I'm new to these parts, so please don't bite!!

 

Basically I'm going to uni in September (think you lot call it college.. I never understood the American school system!) and I'll be about two hours away from my boyfriend. We've been together for about fifteen months and he's my backbone, my best friend. We've been through a lot together, we've both had a lot go on family wise that we've got ourselves through and we're so in love, he's my everything. The thought of going to uni and not seeing him everyday scares me if I'm honest, the longest we've been apart is three weeks (he went to New Zealand for a bit last year, we'd only been together three months at this point and it still hurt.) and it drove me bonkers!

We know for a fact we want to stay together and we'll try anything we can. My friends aren't being supportive at all, most of them think we'll drift apart, be tempted by others and so on. That hurts if I'm honest, I'd like to have their support.

So while this waffling may seem somewhat pointless I'm desperate for your advice. How easy/hard is it to make a long distance relationship work? I've never been tempted by anyone while we've been down here so I don't think it'll change. We've been through so much together that it seems crazy throwing it away. I love him more than anything and want it to work so bad, but I don't want expectations that are too high.

 

Any feedback or advice or whatever would be greatly appreciated!

xx

[LN99]

Three months isn't that long to be together, BUT you could try the long distance thing. Two hrs away from each other isn't bad. I know of people who actually make it work being 6-8 hrs from each other while each pursuing their careers. Bottom line: If you want to be with each other, you will make it happen. Plus, nowdays, there are computers, webcams, the PHONE, etc. If you can't see each other everyday, then maybe you can at least talk every day or so. Then you guys can plan your weekends or vacations together. Lots of people do that.

 

Don't listen to your friends, even though what they say is pretty realistic. This is between you and your bf. Its up to the TWO of you to make it work. I would say give it a shot. The worst that can happen is that things don't work out. But don't give up before you even give it a chance.

[LN99]

Sorry, just realized I misread the part about you being together only 3 months. It's been longer huh? My advice still applies though.

 

Your friends are just being realistic, and you cannot expect their support. (Even though I'm sure it would be nice right?) I think if anything, they don't want to see you get hurt. But, if you really love your bf and you BOTH are willing to try and make it work, then I still say go for it. Better to try and know, then to not try at all.

[love necessity]

what happened to my comment?

[chryssy83]

So, here are my thoughts (as a person who has been in an LDR for 3 years)...

 

First, 2 hours isn't that bad. You can still see each other every weekend and even some weeknights if you make it work.

 

Realize it's about both of you and being happy. But it's also about hard work. LDRs are much harder than regular relationships. Communication is really important, and I almost think that the commitment-level has to be stepped up to make it work.

 

Advice: 1) Make sure you have a positive school experience. Lots of couples break up early in the school year when one person realizes that the social life they want at school conflicts with the relationship or one person is jealous of ther other. If you spend all your time in your room talking to him on the phone, you will become an unhappy person and miss out on a lot. Talk about boundaries, trust, expectations before you leave so that if you can't talk RIGHT NOW it won't freak him out and vice-versa.

 

I wasted a lot of time alone in my apartment my first year here. No one wants to be with someone who is miserable all the time!

 

2) Communicate in some way every day. It's hard sometimes, but not talking is how you drift. Doesn't have to be a lot, it can be a few emails or texts, short calls, or a long call. Whatever works. We do a longish call each evening and sometimes more when we feel like it.

 

3) Have an end-date in mind. Can he move there eventually? Will you return home after graduation? Having some idea of when you'll be close again helps SO MUCH.

 

4) Plan to spend vacations together. Having some time to spend together without the pressures of getting back to school helps you "recharge" your "relationship batteries." So cheesy, but that's how I feel. After 3 years, we're finally going to be closer together (1 hour now instead of 3) and i feel kind of depleted sometimes. Going home and being able to see him more because I'm not in school were things I could focus on that kept me going.

 

It's tough, but it can be done. And if he's the right guy, it's totally worth it. Good luck!

[catrocks]

So, here are my thoughts (as a person who has been in an LDR for 3 years)...

 

First, 2 hours isn't that bad. You can still see each other every weekend and even some weeknights if you make it work.

 

Realize it's about both of you and being happy. But it's also about hard work. LDRs are much harder than regular relationships. Communication is really important, and I almost think that the commitment-level has to be stepped up to make it work.

 

Advice: 1) Make sure you have a positive school experience. Lots of couples break up early in the school year when one person realizes that the social life they want at school conflicts with the relationship or one person is jealous of ther other. If you spend all your time in your room talking to him on the phone, you will become an unhappy person and miss out on a lot. Talk about boundaries, trust, expectations before you leave so that if you can't talk RIGHT NOW it won't freak him out and vice-versa.

 

I wasted a lot of time alone in my apartment my first year here. No one wants to be with someone who is miserable all the time!

 

2) Communicate in some way every day. It's hard sometimes, but not talking is how you drift. Doesn't have to be a lot, it can be a few emails or texts, short calls, or a long call. Whatever works. We do a longish call each evening and sometimes more when we feel like it.

 

3) Have an end-date in mind. Can he move there eventually? Will you return home after graduation? Having some idea of when you'll be close again helps SO MUCH.

 

4) Plan to spend vacations together. Having some time to spend together without the pressures of getting back to school helps you "recharge" your "relationship batteries." So cheesy, but that's how I feel. After 3 years, we're finally going to be closer together (1 hour now instead of 3) and i feel kind of depleted sometimes. Going home and being able to see him more because I'm not in school were things I could focus on that kept me going.

 

It's tough, but it can be done. And if he's the right guy, it's totally worth it. Good luck!

 

Totally agree with this advice. If you really want to make it work then you will, and as people have said, 2 hours is totally doable. Good luck

[catrocks]

uni eh... I hope some american man shows explains the our college system to u and bangs you hard and long

Well, aren't we a treat.

[Citizen Erased]

uni eh... I hope some american man shows explains the our college system to u and bangs you hard and long

 

Huh? I get the gist of what you're saying but please form actual sentences. It would be great, if you are going to post useless statements, that they make sense .

 

OP, no-one really has an idea what will happen. But if this relationship is meant to last you will both fight for it to work. If not, then it was obviously not meant to be.

[Green]

most likely your relationship will fall apart or go down in quality. But I do know this one couple who had a long distance relationship from the start fell in love and got married, best people ud ever want to meet. so who knows.

[quankanne]

OP, no-one really has an idea what will happen. But if this relationship is meant to last you will both fight for it to work. If not, then it was obviously not meant to be.

 

this says it in nutshell: If the relationship is meant to be, it'll work out in the end. Not a lot of help, I know, but you've got to keep things in perspective. Enjoy your college career, meet new friends and experience new things, even as you and your guy decide to continue a long-distance romance. It won't be easy, but if you are both committed and allow the relationship to mature as needed – and the both of you mature individually and together in the process – you'll get to where you want to be with this guy.

 

my husband and I are one of the success stories, of how hanging in there pays off. I met him in 1988 while I was a college student and he was a guest at the hotel I worked at. We dated briefly, then his job took him back to Florida. Fast forward two years, and several weeks before I was set to graduate from college: His job brought him back to South Texas, and we began dating again, this time a little more seriously. There was a period where we had some problems, mainly due to his divided loyalty to his ex – he chose her over me, but I snagged him in the end. :laugh:

 

we dated a couple of more months before ... you guessed it, his job took him back out-of-state. Then he decided to go work in Saudi Arabia just before the Gulf War broke out. He wasn't the best about staying in contact while we were apart, but this new job allowed him a three-week furlough every sixth month, so he always sent a ticket for me to join him in Las Vegas for about 10 days.

 

in the summer of 1992, we were driving up to Las Vegas from San Antonio when he broke the news that he'd renewed his contract for another two years. Was I ever bummed out, because I had no idea where the relationship was going, even though I realized long before then that he was the one who I could happily commit to a life together. We ended up eloping that June, and have been together since.

 

so all is not hopeless, you've just got to put things into perspective about school, about work, about social life and about your relationship with this guy. If you cannot maintain a happy balance because you've allowed yourself to become completely miserable over the fact that you are not together, then maybe you should consider calling a halt to the relationship until you are physically together for good. Otherwise, look at the two-hour distance as a good "training" ground for your relationship: If you two can handle this within reason, then you can handle just about anything that gets tossed your way because you've got that solid back of trust and assurance in your relationship.

 

good luck, kiddo, and have fun with college!

[Tilbert]

Many thanks to everyone who has posted advice, I'll take it all on board and will let you know how everything goes

[coolei4]

I had he same problem but my boyfriend and I were going out for just a year and he lives 1000 miles away from me. Things were good at the start. We tried to see eachother at least everyother month. Then just this month I could tell something was bothering him. He told me that the distance was to hard for him. I told him it was not easy for me but i was willing to make sacrificies to make things better..he was not. anyways we decided to take a break. we still talk to eachother and we still feel like we are together. we are still in love and hope to get back together. my advice to you since he is only two hours away is to see him as much as you possibly can. go see him have him see you. talk to him communication is key. I hope this turn out great for you. like i said just be open to communication and be willing to see him as much as you can. if you and him are willing to make sacrifices or changes then all should be well. best of luck...