Do i deserve her?

[lylegrad]

It all started out freshman year. I had her in my english class, and every english class throughout highschool. I dated her junior year after i broke up with another girl, and this new found love was total bliss. I mean i knew i loved her from the moment we first kissed, and I never left her side. We were together every second of every day and i loved it. She would do everything for me without me even asking. She went on a trip with her dad to peru for 17 days. I missed her dearly, and cried every single day. I like many teens my age, had a myspace. I talked to a girl that i knew from it on the phone, and i fell asleep while i was talking to her. I woke up and closed my phone, and went back to sleep. My girlfriend called me from peru crying and telling me that what i was doing was really wrong and that were going to have a long talk about the situation. I agreed, and i went with her mother to pick her up in san fran. The next morning she looked at my phone, and realized i had a three hour phone call, but i only talked for like an hour, then i fell asleep. We talked, and cried. Her parents left, and we made love to each other. We cried and it was really romantic.

That inccident was about five months into our relationship in july. we deleted our myspaces and fell back into bliss. we headed into our senior year happy. In february, she found out from a friend that i had a facebook. this was a stupid thing to lie about, and that almost cost me my relationship. I was really upset that night so at like three thirty in the morning, i snuk out, and my car was in the garage, so i rode a scooter three miles in the rain to her house. we eventually got over it, and were happy again.

Then two nights before graduation we got into an argument, because i had been really depressed for no reason. she told me that i wanted to break up with her, which at the time was completely untrue. I started thinking about how many highschool relationships actually last in college. i thought about how many new people we were going to meet. she told me not to, and to wait until afte graduation to talk about this again. so we went to graduation, and everything was fine. The day after graduation, we had a party with seven other families, all of which she has known her entire life. I felt neglected at the party because i didnt fit in, so i hung out with my other friend, who happened to be a really old crush of mine. Anyways, my girlfriend said i was ignoring her and that we needed to talk, we go outside, things are said, and she hit me in the stomach. i get really upset and just decide to walk away. she grabs me again, and slaps me across the face. I tell her that im done with her and walk away mad, and frustrated. My mom and her mom witness the event, and call us each individually. We go to back to the party, and i decide it would be best if i just left. So i went home, and layed in bed. sure enough,she followed me and asked what we were going to do. I told her i didnt want to continue seeing her, and she stormed off out of the house.

she called me crying that night and we talked. she called me a week later ad wanted to talk, but i was in a bad mod, and told her to move on. I was an idiot.

Around that same time i realized that i just made the biggest mistake of my life, and that i had to get her back. I have been breaking down crying for weeks on end, every single night. if someone stays her with me im fine, but when im alone, i cry.

I talked to her all last week when i was on vacation in Arizona. We met up last night, and talked. I told her that i really wanted to make things right, and she told me that i really hurt her. She told me that she was willing to consider trying it again, but she wasnt promising anything. I kissed her, and we kissed for an hour. We moved into the back of my car, and one thing led to another. It was the best experience of my life. Afterwards, she told me that she thinks it would be best if we didnt kiss or anything for awhile. I feel used, as she is holding herself back from truly falling back in love with me. Does anybody have any advice on how i can prove to her that i deserve a second chance? i dont want to throw away a year and a half of devotion.