If you think your husband won't cheat when he's out with the boys, think again....

[I love hot men.]

ILHM, you keep bringing up the site rules. LS doesn't require that posters have concrete facts or intelligence.

 

It isn't a post where there is concrete facts. However, your post is a personal attack to me and very rude, which is a violation. The stats listed are merely subjective and not really based on anything. They are very ignorable. There is no way to get any true stats on that. Men cheat, rich or not. Actually men who aren't necessarily that rich frequent the golf resort. I was simply pointing out that a lot of men cheat, and are doing it when their wives have no idea. My friend gets propositioned by married men on a daily basis, so yes, that does say something. It is not a post which exhibits any lack of intelligence.

 

(Masters degree, employed in teaching....what about you, hon?)

[I love hot men.]

Um.... what does being a member longer have to do with this? Who brought that up? And how can I "dictate" something that is already in place? I was commenting on its accuracy. Actually, LS is for discussion, which sometimes includes disagreement. If I find that I disagree with you, or find your posts misleading or confusing, or even "not news", I may decide to execute my right to comment, which has nothing to do with my length of membership, but rather simply requires that I have access to a computer connected to the internet. Considering how low a standard that is, feel free to discount my opinions - an option that I use as well - but that's not "breaking any board rules of conduct" either, so please don't "dictate" to me whether I should post or not.

 

 

So now it has nothing to do with expensive golf resorts.... I'm just trying to understand your actual point here, and neither your subject line, nor your posts seem to be helping to solidify things.

 

So does your basic point boil down to: "tons of wives have no idea that their husbands are out trying to have affairs?" Fine, given that "tons" is a conveniently non-specific term, I can't disagree.

 

My point...men will cheat when their wives least expect it. Do you think these men at X golf resort in X U.S.A. know that their husbands are out propositioning waitresses by asking them to their room when they get off work? Since this happens on a daily basis to my friend, it happens a lot more often. She is not the only woman in the U.S. to get propositioned by married men. Hope I haven't lost you now, but I did clarify this earlier in the post for those who were confused. I really don't think my original post is that confusing or difficult to comprehend, but I guess I underestimated some of you.

[JackJack]

My friend gets propositioned by married men on a daily basis, so yes, that does say something.

 

You must be proud of your friend since you mention her alot.

 

Maybe it says she carries herself in a manner, in which these men find her an easy target to be hit on or propositioned since its on a daily basis? Just asking.

[Trialbyfire]

So, bottom line, no one should get married. No marriage, no infidelity, just in case he happens to become wealthy enough to go to a convention or resort and just happens to be one of the men who just happens to meet a girl, who just happens to appeal to him, who just happens to be available, who just happens to be willing to meet him in his room for monetary gain.

 

Okay ladies, we're all in trouble...

[Trimmer]

There is no way to get any true stats on that. Men cheat, rich or not.... I was simply pointing out that a lot of men cheat, and are doing it when their wives have no idea.

 

My point...men will cheat when their wives least expect it.

OK, then. Thanks for the news. And welcome to Loveshack (from someone who has "been a member longer..." )

[I love hot men.]

OK, then. Thanks for the news. And welcome to Loveshack (from someone who has "been a member longer..." )

 

It's not "news." I was simply pointing out my friend's experience and how many married men proposition her. You are being rude, by the way. I get the subtley. If you don't like my post, don't respond.

 

As for TBF, no I did not make those statements. My original post actually had nothing to do with the golf resorts, people are concluding that this is why these men cheat. I feel it is a statement of married men in general. If you want to read that much into it, however, that's your prerogative.

[Trialbyfire]

Someone predisposed to cheat, will cheat. The only way to ensure 100% that your mate is not cheating, is to follow them around at all times.

 

Shall I post a thread about the hazards of stepping out of the house and potentially getting hit by a bus? This is such chicken little mentality. The sky is falling, the sky is falling...

[Lizzie60]

OK, then. Thanks for the news. And welcome to Loveshack (from someone who has "been a member longer..." )

 

You got a longer member...

[VinaAmez]

I feel rich because my man doesn't fall into the category of the men who are the subject of this thread. He is so good to me!

 

Ah...so true.

 

Maybe it says she carries herself in a manner, in which these men find her an easy target to be hit on or propositioned since its on a daily basis? Just asking.

 

I was wondering that myself.

[Trimmer]

You got a longer member...

Who loves ya, sweetie?!?!

 

It's not "news."

My point, as well. On this, we agree.

 

You are being rude, by the way. I get the subtley. If you don't like my post, don't respond.

You are correct, I was being rude, and not all that subtle, actually. It was quite intentional, and for that I apologize. However, I will not apologize, nor will I be put off responding to a discussion on a public message board.

 

I feel it is a statement of married men in general.

And here's where I'm still confused, and I think you are still not being very clear. I'm still trying to understand your point: are you saying (a) all married men will try to cheat when "the cat's away", (b) most married men will try to cheat when "the cat's away", or © some married men will try to cheat when "the cat's away?" These are three distinctly different arguments.

 

If you are arguing "c", then I agree - I maintain this is already well established, and we would have no disagreement.

 

If you are arguing "a", then I disagree. It wasn't true for me (quite the opposite, my wife cheated on me twice...) nor was it true for the 3 married men with whom I recently took a "boys weekend out" trip, and who had opportunity, time, and resources to do so. Any "all men" argument is doomed to fail with easily uncovered counterexamples.

 

If you are arguing "b", then it simply becomes a never-to-be-resolved pissing match - it's a phenomenon we all agree happens, now we're just arguing: how many is "most?" "It's more than you expect," or "it will happen when you least expect it," or "I think it's more than you think it is", or "it's 95%" (sorry, Lizzie, I had to throw that in there as an example... ) or whatever. And on this one, there are statistics (some quoted earlier in this thread), and although no statistics are perfectly reliable, and although the rates - for a naive idealist - are horrendously high, they don't climb very close to "most" (let alone all), and they are matched, not too far off, by women's infidelity rates. It's ultimately all a stalemate.

 

Some men cheat. Some women cheat. We are born innocent, we grow up with supposedly good intentions and then we go out and end up beating each other up in one way or another.

 

I bet it happens more than I would like to think, and less than it sounds like you and your friend think.

[dgiirl]

Just because you have been a member longer

 

Maybe as a newcomer you should read through some of the forums before posting such dribble? There's a whole bunch of stories on infidelity from both the wife and husband. It's not news that SOME men WILL cheat when they are out with the boys. There are other's who WILL cheat when their marriage is in the crapper and they feel alone and neglected. There are some who will NEVER cheat. Whatever their reasons, yes some cheat, some have cheated and never will again, and other never have nor never will. If this is NEWS to you? Then you need to get out of your cave and experience the world.

 

To title your thread "If you think your husband wont cheat when he's out with the boys, think again" is to suggest that ALL men cheat, and then to repeatedly say over and over how your friend gets hit on by a few sleeazy men as your evidence is weak and insulting to the male gender. And then to go on a tirade of who's been here longer and forum rules and "if you dont like it dont post" mentality is just lame.

 

How about if you dont like MY post, dont post?

[halfarock]

Years ago I once read something about good looking women getting hit on by guys, something like 8 times an hour whenever they are out in public. Finding this hard to believe I asked my girlfriend at the time about it. She assured me that it happens. We were in the car at the time and pulled into the parking lot of a very busy convenience store. She told me to watch and walked over to by the pay phones just outside the front doors. I don’t recall exactly but I think we counted something around 20 different men that approached her, some offering her money and two of them gave her money after she turned them down. All in about an hour.

 

I also remember back when I was in high school and my girlfriend worked as a server for a caterer that specialized in conventions. Even though no tipping was expected she would often get tips exceeding 100 dollars, all from men promising more if she would come up to their room later on. All the tips she received were either $20’s or $100’s.

 

I have no idea how many were married in either case but I’m sure there was some.

 

The OP doesn’t surprise me in the least. That some so vehemently attack it does. Perhaps some have been so brainwashed into believing that strict monogamy is the ideal that when presented with evidence to the contrary it becomes too much to handle – thus, the emotional outbursts.

 

And remember, ugliness and poor social skills work much better than will power at keeping one monogamous so I don’t see it as a virtue.

[Trimmer]

Years ago I once read something about good looking women getting hit on by guys, something like 8 times an hour whenever they are out in public. Finding this hard to believe I asked my girlfriend at the time about it. She assured me that it happens. We were in the car at the time and pulled into the parking lot of a very busy convenience store. She told me to watch and walked over to by the pay phones just outside the front doors. I don’t recall exactly but I think we counted something around 20 different men that approached her, some offering her money and two of them gave her money after she turned them down. All in about an hour.

So you found that a woman who stood near the pay phones in a convenience store parking lot for an hour was approached often, and sometimes overtly offered money for sex. Um.... yeah, maybe you were young at the time, but you did realize what they thought she was doing there, yes? Again, any surprise here?

 

I also remember back when I was in high school and my girlfriend worked as a server for a caterer that specialized in conventions. Even though no tipping was expected she would often get tips exceeding 100 dollars, all from men promising more if she would come up to their room later on. All the tips she received were either $20’s or $100’s.

Again, not too surprising: there are "a lot of" men who would pay for sex. Who would argue?

 

I have no idea how many were married in either case but I’m sure there was some.

And even if you did know, these situations, like the OP's friend's example, may demonstrate that there are plenty of sleazy men out there, but they are narrowly selected groups, and can't prove the assertion that all men will cheat when they are "out with the boys."

 

The OP doesn’t surprise me in the least.

Nor me - I'm with you that far. I don't argue with the factual accuracy of the experiences described by the OP's friend in the original post, nor with your two girlfriend stories, nor that there are sleazy men out there, sometimes to be found in surprising quantities. I do disagree that the stories told here support the all-encompassing premise of the thread title - which certainly set the tone - and later comments by the OP (stuff like "When the cat's away, he will play," and "it is a statement of married men in general.")

 

The fact that there are a lot of <adjective> men, easy to find in these specific described <situations>, does not prove that all (or even most) men are <adjective>.

 

<situations> = golf courses, convenience store parking lots, conventions

<adjective> = sleazy

 

could just as easily be:

 

<situations> = churches, scouting organizations

<adjective> = faithful

 

That argument would be just as fallacious.

 

...thus, the emotional outbursts.

What, do you imagine that people are pounding their keyboards, screaming at their monitors until little droplets of spittle cling to the screen, and kicking their dogs through the screen door? Sorry, I don't go for "oh, there's been an 'emotional outburst' from the brainwashed masses, we've 'hit a nerve', so the argument must be right..." Hey, even ILHM has gotten rude along the way ("I really don't think my original post is that confusing or difficult to comprehend, but I guess I underestimated some of you...") but don't let that sway you as to the credibility of any particular argument.

 

And remember, ugliness and poor social skills work much better than will power at keeping one monogamous so I don’t see it as a virtue.

Wha?

[ash519]

I only got to about page 3 on this topic but the same thing is going through my mind. Not all men cheat (which i know, you are saying ILHM, but your title does say that)...but I am with a man who I believe wouldnt cheat on me. That is why I choose to love him.

 

I just find it sad that one day when you fall in love ILHM, your man who claims to love you back will cheat on you if he goes out with the boys. You may as well stay single with that kind of outlook on love and life.

[luvmy2ns]

That is a pretty grim outlook, isn't it? When a person gets to be my age, they tend to have lots and lots of baggage. I know I have plenty, but I refuse to allow myself to ever get to the point the OP has where I just KNOW if I loosen up "the chain" on my man, he'll start sneaking around with other women. My man was cheated on by his wife and, after his divorce, didn't get into a relationship for over 5 years. I'm his first. We're getting through some rough patches where trust is concerned on his part, but we keep open communication going, and we're getting better and stronger every day. I never intend to cheat on him; he's too good to me and a treasure I would never risk losing. I have no doubt my sweety will remain faithful.

 

And, BTW, I'm a legal secretary for four lawyers in a criminal defense capacity, working toward my paralegal. However, like my mama always says, "Anyone can learn things out of a book, memorize them, then pass a test and get a degree. True intelligence is having the capacity to be able to take a problem and work it out logically." I think they call that "street smarts" vs. "book smarts." My "street smarts" tell me all I need to know about my man.

[ruby_gloom]

Not all men cheat

 

that's right.

 

(which i know, you are saying ILHM, but your title does say that)...

no, it doesn't.

 

but I am with a man who I believe wouldnt cheat on me. That is why I choose to love him.

a belief is not a fact, therefore there can never be any assuredness of 100 percent. thinking something is such and such a way does not mean something really is that way, and that's the truth. one cannot possibly attest to knowing another "completely" for there is so much within us, that i wager that most of us have yet so much to learn about our own selves, let alone another's.

 

to say that you love someone because you believe they are a certain way guarantees absolutely nothing. it's a risk.

 

I just find it sad that one day when you fall in love ILHM, your man who claims to love you back will cheat on you if he goes out with the boys.

it's not sad. it's a possibility. and it can happen to anyone, as the title of this thread suggest. anything can happen to anyone. life doesn't chose whom to victimize.

 

You may as well stay single with that kind of outlook on love and life.

why? it can happen, yes, and so what? no relationship is a guarantee of anything. engaging in a romantic relationship with another entails a certain degree of risk--of risk that something bad may happen to make the relationship turn sour.

 

we may think we are sure about that certain someone, but again, thinking isn't being. if it were, no one would have a broken heart.

 

sure, to think that just because someone is going out they will cheat is extreme paranoia that will indubitably be a leading factor in the termination of the relationship. i completely agree there. but the fact that everyone has potential to cheat and that everyone can be cheated on is also true, not matter how "sure" we thing we are. likewise, just because there is potential doesn't mean there will be manifestation.

 

it's good to know that relationships are risk, that we will never know another human being "100 percent", and that cheating is something that can happen to anyone, yes. but it's not good to live with that on the forefront, either, because then it would be relationship suicide.

[I love hot men.]

I just find it sad that one day when you fall in love ILHM, your man who claims to love you back will cheat on you if he goes out with the boys. You may as well stay single with that kind of outlook on love and life.

 

My personal life has nothing to do with this. I don't have this view, or 'outlook on love and life,' simply pointing out that my friend gets propositioned daily by married men simply by doing her job.

[I love hot men.]

I have no doubt my sweety will remain faithful.

 

.

Let me tell you a little secret. A guy with a serious girlfriend of 2 years with whom he lives...well, his girlfriend is head over heels with him and thinks their relationship is great, just like you do with your SO. This didn't stop this same man from asking me back to his hotel room while said girlfriend was at work, and he was having dinner and saw me sitting at the bar and started striking up a conversation with me. (I know all this because it is a small town and people know both of them.)

Things aren't always how they seem, and that is the point of my post. Those men who are propositioning my friend....their wives at home have no idea, thus the title.

I'm not jaded...again...just sayin'!

[ash519]

 

sure, to think that just because someone is going out they will cheat is extreme paranoia that will indubitably be a leading factor in the termination of the relationship. i completely agree there. but the fact that everyone has potential to cheat and that everyone can be cheated on is also true, not matter how "sure" we thing we are. likewise, just because there is potential doesn't mean there will be manifestation.

 

.

 

The thread is titled "If you think you husband wont cheat when he's out with the boys, think again...." Basically saying "He will".

 

I just think that having this kind of mind set is damaging. I 100% agree, every relationship is a gamble, no matter what. It's actually a bit scary. But if I was out there telling myself "Well, i have seen it happen so if my guy hangs with his buddies he most likely, although not definately, will cheat" I would hang up the towel. She is basically saying that they will...she has seen it and heard stories and it will happen. There are a ton of quotes....now, if the thread was titled "Your husband going out with friends may in fact heighten the risk factor of him screwing up" Well, then it doesnt sound in all absolutes.

 

But regardless, saying this is basically saying "Ladies, tighten up that leash!!!! If he has friends and he wants his own life, BEWARE!"

 

So, although I understand the theory that there is a chance a man can cheat....there is just as much a chance a woman will cheat as well. Women cheat and actually lately, i have been hearing more and more of women straying.

 

I keep straying from the point...there is always a chance, no relationship gets a guarantee...but to go out there with that attitude if just hurting yourself and your partner..."Nice to meet you, we can date, but most men are scum and i will never trust you!"

[ash519]

My personal life has nothing to do with this. I don't have this view, or 'outlook on love and life,' simply pointing out that my friend gets propositioned daily by married men simply by doing her job.

 

But that isnt all you are pointing out. You keep saying how they cheat...when you least expect it...cheaters...

 

You didnt just come on here saying "I couldnt believe all the married men hitting on my friend..." You came on here saying "if you think he wont cheat, think again..."

 

and in all these post responses you basically reinstate the fact that you think husbands will cheat (when the wives least expect it) etc etc.

 

"Let me tell you a little secret. A guy with a serious girlfriend of 2 years with whom he lives...well, his girlfriend is head over heels with him and thinks their relationship is great, just like you do with your SO. This didn't stop this same man from asking me back to his hotel room while said girlfriend was at work, and he was having dinner and saw me sitting at the bar and started striking up a conversation with me. (I know all this because it is a small town and people know both of them.)

Things aren't always how they seem, and that is the point of my post. Those men who are propositioning my friend....their wives at home have no idea, thus the title.

I'm not jaded...again...just sayin'!"

 

Like right here...this isnt "just" saying a story of your friend...this is telling some girl that her man will cheat. If that isnt jaded..i dont know. Not every man will see some girl at a pool and say "What girlfriend??? i'm going for that easy looking girl".

 

A lot of bf's such as luv's i am sure would see a row of girls in bikini's and then maybe a couple at the bar and then simply glance (as we all do) and sit down alone or with friends and continue on with life...go home and be with his gf or wife.

[I love hot men.]

Like right here...this isnt "just" saying a story of your friend...this is telling some girl that her man will cheat. If that isnt jaded..i dont know. Not every man will see some girl at a pool and say "What girlfriend??? i'm going for that easy looking girl".

 

.

 

The thing is...my friend isn't an easy looking girl. I am not easy-looking, either. I was simply eating restaurant at my sister and her husband's restaurant, a very classy place.

Here we go, putting the blame on the women out there. Excuse me for sitting at a table (dressed in black capri pants, a tank top with a blazer over it, and sandals) and enjoying my orrechiette. Sorry if your boyfriend found me attractive and it gave him thoughts! It's all MY fault. LOL Oh, I'm sorry. I was wearing makeup.

[I love hot men.]

A lot of bf's such as luv's i am sure would see a row of girls in bikini's and then maybe a couple at the bar and then simply glance (as we all do) and sit down alone or with friends and continue on with life...go home and be with his gf or wife.

 

You are actually validating my post. That is exactly how the wives/SO's of golf players and the girlfriend of the man who propositioned me 2 weeks ago feel about their SO's/husbands. Thank you.

[ash519]

The thing is...my friend isn't an easy looking girl. I am not easy-looking, either. I was simply eating restaurant at my sister and her husband's restaurant, a very classy place.

Here we go, putting the blame on the women out there. Excuse me for sitting at a table (dressed in black capri pants, a tank top with a blazer over it, and sandals) and enjoying my orrechiette. Sorry if your boyfriend found me attractive and it gave him thoughts! It's all MY fault. LOL Oh, I'm sorry. I was wearing makeup.

 

Uhmmm...nowhere did i say it was your fault...you just happend to catch the eye of a scummy guy. And just to point out...i didnt directly mean you, i was talking in generalization of the situation, not directly about the one you were in. But did you happen to notice all the other men in this classy restaraunt not coming up to you. Just say you are in a busy restaraunt for arguements sake, and one comes up...so what? What about all the other men there with friend, or gf's, wives, alone...who dont...who dont give ladies a second look because they are exposed to it all the time and happen to be in relationships.

 

You are getting very defensive...this topic has nothing to do with my bf, luvs bf, your makeup or what you look like...it has to do with the scummy guys out there...but you seem to forget that there are a lot of good ones too and you seem to like to attack posters who feel differently then you. Maybe attack isnt the right word...but when a girl says "I trust my bf" or "I dont think he'll cheat because he loves me and doesnt care about other girls" and your only response is "WEll, one time i was at a bar....." etc then it is kind of rude.

[ash519]

You are actually validating my post. That is exactly how the wives/SO's of golf players and the girlfriend of the man who propositioned me 2 weeks ago feel about their SO's/husbands. Thank you.

 

So you are saying that my bf WILL do this, and i will be at home thinking differently.

 

Again...you are attacking me directly and being defensive and proving my point...this post isnt about your friends situation, it is about yoru views on MOST men being cheaters.

 

And again...I feel for you and all the men who become involved for you will never trust then therefore pushing them to cheat.

 

l

[I love hot men.]

So you are saying that my bf WILL do this, and i will be at home thinking differently.

 

Again...you are attacking me directly and being defensive and proving my point...this post isnt about your friends situation, it is about yoru views on MOST men being cheaters.

 

And again...I feel for you and all the men who become involved for you will never trust then therefore pushing them to cheat.

 

l

 

How is it attacking by saying the man who came on to me, and the many married men who come on to my friend think the same way you do about their SO's? that is not an attack, it's just showing the point of my post. You don't really know if your SO would do the same thing or not because you're not there. If he were in the same restaurant, you can't state with 100% certainty that he wouldn't have done the same thing. Sorry, but you can't say what people will do when they're not with you. Again, this is just the point of my post. Lots of women feel the same way you do about their SO's, and know them and love them as well as you do yours....and lots of these women are unknowingly getting cheated on. Sorry, but it's true.