How Can This Turn Out Good?

[EliasH]

Hi,

 

About one week ago I met this girl, Lets just call her "T" (for personal reasons). When I met her there was this imidiate attraction, one that can only be called infatuation of its highest calling.

We hung out for the next couple days in which we became very close, nearly inseperable. But I had this other problem with her before she liked me she already liked this other guy, So basically she liked us both and didnt know which one she wanted to be with in a "relationship".

Well 3 days after meeting her i had felt for sure she was going to choose me, but sadly i arrived at a party i was meeting her at to find her drunk. With this came a shocker that she had made a "mistake" or at least that is what she called it, This mistake was taht she got drunk and the guy asked her out and she said ok. With me showing up it posed a problem in that I guess something hit her and she had realized what she had done. So I spent the next hour walking with her calming her down as she cried on my shoulder. And all i did was keep reminding her of all the good things in order to get her calmer. And in that time we connected on a bit of a higher level where it was not just about infatuation, it was now more about an actual connection. Or at least this is what i feel.

But she constantly apologized, and i constantly told her it was ok. So over the next couple days we dealt with it slowly to ensure nothing would over react the situation. Now I will re-enstate the point that she has a boyfriend now.

A day after it happened she invited me to dinner and to shoot pool instead of her b/f. On that day we got along famously, and it reminded me that she was completely amazing. On our way to drop her off, i instilled my confidence in the situation and informed her of my main concerns of the entire situation, which one was "What if by the time you and him break up, and its finally my time. The shot is not there anymore" When i told her this she reacted in a way I had not expected, She kissed me. This came to a surprise because she has from what i hear never cheated on a guy. But with that instilled confidence that this could actually work, but that confidence lasted only a short while.

From then we kept hanging out and everytime it was the same thing, a conversation for a lil bit on what was going on and what was going to happen and then the two of us enjoying a fun time. But it is everytime that we hang out we stay really close and become completely flirty, so close taht it can almost be considered cheating again. This worried me.

But now what has sunk in is a feeling of jealousy and now this constant worry taht she is just playing me as it were.

But a recap of her reasons are:

She really wants to be with me, She says she cares about me more than any guy before, And if she could she would be with me. But of course the flaw is she doesnt want to hurt the other guy, and i am starting to really wonder what her plan is. After asking suggestions from some of my closer friends they all say test her but i find taht kind of cruel in many ways and now i am on teh question of what should or what can i do at this point.

 

(On the off side we made this deal right after she started dating the otehr guy, that when they were done if I had a g/f she would wait for me, But i already promised her i would wait. I jsut wonder if its a waste of time or is there any actual way to find out)

[LucreziaBorgia]

You and this guy are each other's back up plan, it sounds like. She is feeling you both out to see which one she will benefit most from being with, and then she will dump the other one with the "friends" talk so that she can keep the dumped one around in case the one she chose doesn't work out.

 

What to do? If you want to find out for sure what is going on then you have to give her a choice. She can't make a choice if you don't give her one. Waiting for her is not giving her a choice to make. Walking away from her will. Tell her that you care for her, and want to be with her but that you cannot and will not be the guy she sneaks around on her boyfriend with. Let her know that should she find herself single, she can contact you (with no guarantees - let her know you are not going to rule out dating other women) but until that time you and she would be better off with no contact at all. Then... stick to it. If she contacts you, and she still has a boyfriend then politely remind her of your terms and end the conversation.

 

If she really wants to be with you, she will show this with her actions and not her words - she'll show up single and ready to date you. If she was leading you on all along, then she will let you walk away.

[norajane]

Why do you want to be with someone who can't make up her mind about whether she really wants to be with you or someone else, who plays one guy against another, and who kisses you while she's kissing another guy too (and you can bet she is)?

 

And what makes you think if she 'picks' you, she'll ever really be 'with' you instead of having one eye out for someone else?

 

Why? Are there no other girls out there?

[EliasH]

Well I can't actually explain why i want to be with her after all this especially since this entire situation is new to me on every leve. There all other girls as well but I don't know i feel there is something special about her above all others

[Cobra_X30]

Elias,

 

I wouldnt really believe this girl when she tells you what she wants. I doubt she is intentionally playing you, but I really dont think she knows what she wants. Drunk or not she picked this other guy to be her BF and not you. The fact that she is still with him should tell you something.

 

Besides if this girl is willing to cheat on her BF with you then she would cheat on you with someone else. A girl with moral boundaries wouldnt do that to anyone, and if you think she feels your special.... why arent you her BF?

 

You may want to find out if she has any hot friends!