SadForever Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 So I am seriously considering no contact with the ex. I am wondering if i should tell him first, either in a letter or on the phone. I worry about hurting his feelings if i just started ignoring him. He said he never wants to say goodbye forever - meaning he wants me in his life to some degree. I've started writing a letter to him trying to explain without making him feel bad how my heart is still broken and why I might need no contact. Im not even sure complete no contact is completely possible - especially online contact (IMs & social websites we share). So what do you guys think? Tell him first or no? Thanks in advance for any opinions/advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 I would just leave it... If and only if he contacts you then you can tell him that you want NO contact... Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Yes best to leave it, i did tell my ex i loved her enough to let her go, and then sent her stuff back, and i have not been intouch since. Just slip away from his life, you will get stronger, and it does get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Lynna Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 He said he never wants to say goodbye forever - meaning he wants me in his life to some degree. Do you want him in your life to some degree as well? If not, then at some point you may have to tell him, but you don't have to right now. Go ahead and draft and compose a letter now, revisit and revise it to make sure that it really says what you want to say in a way that you are comfortable with. Then if he continues to contact you and you are uncomfortable with that contact, you can send it to him, either electronically or through snail mail. You can remove him from buddy lists, block his email, etc. if you need/want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SadForever Posted July 9, 2007 Author Share Posted July 9, 2007 i do want him in my life.... but afraid the hurt will never go away.... Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 If its over and your in love, freinds will never work, but if you go to no contact, maybe in time when the emotions have gone you can be friends. Its hard because the pain of contact with some1 you love that you cant have is far worse in the long term then not having them in your life. Its the relationship has gone, its best at leat for now to try and move on without him. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetOlive Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 I think there is 2 sides to contacting your ex to let them know you will begin NC with them. On the one side you love them enough to tell them you will not contact them. Its a form of respect in a way. I mean you love someone so much you don't want to let them go but you have to in away because they don't love you enough not to hurt you. If you don't contact them to let them know that is a form of beginning NC. Of being strong and let them be. Its up to you, whatever you think is best. Hurt doesn't depart quickly from your heart but maintaining NC helps. Its the beginning of learning to cope. Link to post Share on other sites
sao2 Posted July 12, 2007 Share Posted July 12, 2007 I think it is ok to let them know you will not be contacting them, and even why. The important thing is that we stick with it. Link to post Share on other sites
WhiteKnight Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 Well to be honest it could work in a two way street if you wanted to tell your ex this is the end of everything. To be honest I have been through No contact and Staying in contact with ex phases. I have to admit, both are hard to deal with. The thing with No Contact, you can ease the pain and move on quicker than you were in a form of still being contacted. I have to say that it was the end of it when any of my exes or myself would change our contact details simply because we don't want to stay in contact anymore. If you were to chose that you wanted to go No Contact, don't speak to them for now but leave the person alone. If he/she would try to communicate, I would just say that I'm either busy or don't have time to talk right now. If you want to state the facts with him and say a friendship with him is no longer possible, harsh as it sounds... just tell the guy and leave it as that but remember one thing, once you made that decision stick by it. However if you were to select to 'Stay in Contact', well I would minimise as much contact with my ex as much as possible to reduce from being harmed again. For instance this is how I have done it... With the last ex-gf I had been through, I felt that I was used and my friendship and relationship was abused. After considering it for 8 months, I just deleted her off my contacts lists and changed any contactable details (like the mobile/cell phone for example) without saying anything to her. It would give her the hint that I have chosen to stay away for good from her, and that was the end of it. Harsh as it was, but if you are person who is quite emotional and all, I would not force yourself to be in the 'let's be friends' mode just yet. Maybe after like a year or so after the passions or the love that once existed between you and your patner will wain in time before you could consider getting along with your ex partner in person again. However I can see many things wrong with the idea of seeing your ex again... even if you were betrayed or not, or you were hurt by him or not depending whatever the matter was. I just have to say that it probably be best that you would just reduce as much contact as possible and if you want to slowly talk things randomly and see if you can initiate a good conversation with your ex and it follows through... I would say you are doing alright with it. But if you are intiating a conversation with the ex and find yourself running out of things to say or... you soon realise that something is wrong. Try to find out where you have been going wrong before getting frustrated with the ex. I could rave on and on about my experiences and all, except all I can say is that if you make a decision to stay No Contact for awhile and want to be his friend later on... I would just stay away and reduce as much contact as possible for the time being before you are fully healed. Link to post Share on other sites
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