EDDO Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Hello Everyone, I have a question that might sound kind of silly but this issue seems to be affecting my relationship with my Gf and myself. My GF wears push up bras and shows quite a bit of cleavage all the time, even to work. Sometimes, there is I consider, a lot of her breasts showing like when we go out to a club or something. I feel like she does it for attention from other men and it pisses me off really bad. She claims it has nothing to do with men but its for herself. Well ya for herself as men will give her attention I say. On the weekend, she wore a shirt that showed a lot and because of it, there were lots of men staring at her. One in paticular, was staring all night and I got pissed off which made her pissed off saying that I was acting immature and why I would let some jerk ruin our night out. She says so what, she is with me. I cant tell her not to do it as that is a control issue and that isnt right either. Am I over reacting? If so, how can I get over this? Please let me know your opinions? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Hello Everyone, I have a question that might sound kind of silly but this issue seems to be affecting my relationship with my Gf and myself. My GF wears push up bras and shows quite a bit of cleavage all the time, even to work. Sometimes, there is I consider, a lot of her breasts showing like when we go out to a club or something. I feel like she does it for attention from other men and it pisses me off really bad. She claims it has nothing to do with men but its for herself. Well ya for herself as men will give her attention I say. On the weekend, she wore a shirt that showed a lot and because of it, there were lots of men staring at her. One in paticular, was staring all night and I got pissed off which made her pissed off saying that I was acting immature and why I would let some jerk ruin our night out. She says so what, she is with me. I cant tell her not to do it as that is a control issue and that isnt right either. Am I over reacting? If so, how can I get over this? Please let me know your opinions? Thanks Relax... you're over-reacting for sure... You cannot tell her how to dress for pete's sake... She likes the attention...yes she does... even if she says she's not... I don't buy that... but geeez.... some men are proud to be with a woman when all the men around her are drooling... I have big breasts and I get a lot of attention... my last bf never had an issue with that... he liked the fact that men were starring at me... Just relax... if you don't stop this nonsense, you'll push her away... Link to post Share on other sites
Author EDDO Posted July 9, 2007 Author Share Posted July 9, 2007 Relax... you're over-reacting for sure... You cannot tell her how to dress for pete's sake... She likes the attention...yes she does... even if she says she's not... I don't buy that... but geeez.... some men are proud to be with a woman when all the men around her are drooling... I have big breasts and I get a lot of attention... my last bf never had an issue with that... he liked the fact that men were starring at me... Just relax... if you don't stop this nonsense, you'll push her away... Thanks Lizzie, I did just said I can not tell her what to wear nor would I want to. I am just trying to understand and get over this. I also am proud to be with an attractive woman like she is but not just because she is showing off her breasts. Why did your last BF like the fact men were starring at you all the time? Link to post Share on other sites
beautifuldisaster Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 She obviously likes the attention she gets otherwise she wouldn't feel the need to do it. It gives her a self esteem boost to have guys drooling over her. She sounds young, what are your ages? I could see her wearing a revealing shirt once in a while...but her doing it ALL the time is disrespectful to you seeing she knows how you feel about it. I'm sure she's also loving that you get jealous...another self esteem boost for her...not fun for you. Good luck with this...no easy answer for it. You don't want to be controlling because it'll make her want to do it more. I know what I would do, I would stop acting jealous. I'd suck it up for a little while and act like I don't care about her wearing such revealing shirts. She probably feels like she has you wrapped around her little finger when you get jealous over other guys looking at her....make her think she doesn't and she'll try harder to make you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Thanks Lizzie, I did just said I can not tell her what to wear nor would I want to. I am just trying to understand and get over this. I also am proud to be with an attractive woman like she is but not just because she is showing off her breasts. Why did your last BF like the fact men were starring at you all the time? He was a very successful business man.. young and filthy rich.. he was very proud... and kind of 'jealous' for some weird reasons... sometimes, when we were walking in a shopping mall or a public place, he would walk slightly behind me just to watch men looking at me... That was kind of weird... but I guess he got a kick out of this... LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author EDDO Posted July 9, 2007 Author Share Posted July 9, 2007 Thanks Beautiful D, We are in our forty's if you can believe it. Actually on Sat, the night we went out, it was her Birthday, ooopss. She actually doesnt like that I get jealous either. She is pretty mad at me about how I acted on sat night. When we were there also, she said that we could whip home and she could change if the shirt she was wearing made me feel uncomfortable but I said no as that would have been rediculous I thought. She was very close to me all night and let everyone there know that she was with me like she always does. I just dont get why she has to show them off to everyone... Link to post Share on other sites
Author EDDO Posted July 9, 2007 Author Share Posted July 9, 2007 He was a very successful business man.. young and filthy rich.. he was very proud... and kind of 'jealous' for some weird reasons... sometimes, when we were walking in a shopping mall or a public place, he would walk slightly behind me just to watch men looking at me... That was kind of weird... but I guess he got a kick out of this... LOL Haha, see then Liz, it was a kinky kinda thing then maybe hey? I know some men want and like the fact that men look at their women like she is their trophy or something, Im just not like that but know I have to get over this somehow. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Thanks Beautiful D, We are in our forty's if you can believe it. Actually on Sat, the night we went out, it was her Birthday, ooopss. She actually doesnt like that I get jealous either. She is pretty mad at me about how I acted on sat night. When we were there also, she said that we could whip home and she could change if the shirt she was wearing made me feel uncomfortable but I said no as that would have been rediculous I thought. She was very close to me all night and let everyone there know that she was with me like she always does. I just dont get why she has to show them off to everyone... She is pretty mad at me about how I acted on sat night. I guess so... gosh you need to relax... You are being very immature and controlling. eeeewwwww ...would have been rediculous I thought. Yes that would have been the end... probably. She was very close to me all night and let everyone there know that she was with me like she always does. My-my...YOU have the problem ... how insecure!!!!! I just dont get why she has to show them off to everyone... That, IMO... is not your business.... and why not... she's good looking... then she should flaunt her assets... she can show off anything she wants... I never wore low cut tops that much... but I dressed sexy...but classy... I have big breasts, I didn't really need the cleavage to turn heads... My bf was proud of my body... and I knew it... but he never ever said he was uncomfortable about the way I dressed... in fact, he rather loved it and he loved the attention I was getting from men. You need to relax man! Link to post Share on other sites
beautifuldisaster Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 You're welcomed EDDO. She might act like she gets mad at you for getting jealous...but deep down don't we all kinda like it when our SO's get a little jealous? Not crazy jealous but a little. It's hard to answer your question about why she wants to show them to everyone because people do things for a lot of different reasons...but I would guess that it just makes her feel sexy to wear revealing shirts...it's as simple as that. I don't wear revealing shirts or short skirts everytime I go out, but I do on occasion, and I definately do feel sexier when I wear something somewhat revealing. Some women wear sexy panties even if noone is going to see them because it just makes them feel sexy and confident. It's a girl thing and you probably shouldn't read into it too much..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author EDDO Posted July 9, 2007 Author Share Posted July 9, 2007 She is pretty mad at me about how I acted on sat night. I guess so... gosh you need to relax... You are being very immature and controlling. eeeewwwww ...would have been rediculous I thought. Yes that would have been the end... probably. She was very close to me all night and let everyone there know that she was with me like she always does. My-my...YOU have the problem ... how insecure!!!!! I just dont get why she has to show them off to everyone... That, IMO... is not your business.... and why not... she's good looking... then she should flaunt her assets... she can show off anything she wants... I never wore low cut tops that much... but I dressed sexy...but classy... I have big breasts, I didn't really need the cleavage to turn heads... My bf was proud of my body... and I knew it... but he never ever said he was uncomfortable about the way I dressed... in fact, he rather loved it and he loved the attention I was getting from men. You need to relax man! First I MAY be acting a little imature but I am not controlling. I cant help that it bugs me. If I was acting controliing, I would have said right from the beginning to change or say something everytime she gets dressed. So again, I am not controlling. Also, being insecure has nothing to do with it either. It just bothers me that guys are looking at her breasts all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 You should be glad it at least looks good, Eddo. I have a friend whose gf (and she's 25ish) wears whorey clothes and it does NOT look good. He's asked her repeatedly could she not dress this way, especially around their conservative married friends, and of course he gets a bunch of attitude from her. But yeah, you definitely can't control how she's going to dress and nor should you try. As long as there's no nipple showing. Did she always dress that way, like when you first met her? If so, you knew what you were getting into, no? She shouldn't have to change now to suit you. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 I think a lot of it depends on how your GF acts. When she's dressed like that and you're out with her, are you the main focus of her attention? Or is she brushing up against guys when she passes by them, touching them, or overtly flirting with them? My GF is 41 and has a killer figure, and often wears tops that show some cleavage. However, I know her well enough to be confident that she's doing this for me, not for others. When we're out, her attention is focused on me. And in that context, I don't mind if other guys stare. That's an ego boost for her and me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EDDO Posted July 9, 2007 Author Share Posted July 9, 2007 You should be glad it at least looks good, Eddo. I have a friend whose gf (and she's 25ish) wears whorey clothes and it does NOT look good. He's asked her repeatedly could she not dress this way, especially around their conservative married friends, and of course he gets a bunch of attitude from her. But yeah, you definitely can't control how she's going to dress and nor should you try. As long as there's no nipple showing. Did she always dress that way, like when you first met her? If so, you knew what you were getting into, no? She shouldn't have to change now to suit you. Yes she did and yes I knew and yes I know she doesnt to suit me. I know all of this and that is why I know I need to get over this, not her. That is why I also need suggestions how to? It's easy for women to say, get over it etc but how would you women like if our "friends" were hanging halfway out of our pants? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 I think a lot of it depends on how your GF acts. When she's dressed like that and you're out with her, are you the main focus of her attention? Or is she brushing up against guys when she passes by them, touching them, or overtly flirting with them? My GF is 41 and has a killer figure, and often wears tops that show some cleavage. However, I know her well enough to be confident that she's doing this for me, not for others. When we're out, her attention is focused on me. And in that context, I don't mind if other guys stare. That's an ego boost for her and me. EDDO says she's attentive to him and by his side, clearly with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EDDO Posted July 9, 2007 Author Share Posted July 9, 2007 I think a lot of it depends on how your GF acts. When she's dressed like that and you're out with her, are you the main focus of her attention? Or is she brushing up against guys when she passes by them, touching them, or overtly flirting with them? My GF is 41 and has a killer figure, and often wears tops that show some cleavage. However, I know her well enough to be confident that she's doing this for me, not for others. When we're out, her attention is focused on me. And in that context, I don't mind if other guys stare. That's an ego boost for her and me. She acts like she is with only me 100%. She doesnt flirt, no brushing up, maybe the odd smile but really nothing that I should get pissed about. So tell me, why dont you mind if guys stare? This is what I need to know? lol Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Yes she did and yes I knew and yes I know she doesnt to suit me. I know all of this and that is why I know I need to get over this, not her. That is why I also need suggestions how to? It's easy for women to say, get over it etc but how would you women like if our "friends" were hanging halfway out of our pants? LOL I would laugh and point (possibly take a photo), as I do when my bf's bits are dangling. I know what you're saying, Eddo. I guess try to appreciate that fact that she's clear she's with you, attentive to you, and not flirting with other guys. Also try to appreciate that fact that she must look good if she's drawing the attention of other men and be glad she's with you. You really should be proud! Lots of men get a kick out of that and it's possibly a turnon for kinky sex later? Maybe you could channel it into that somehow? I dunno. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 So tell me, why dont you mind if guys stare? This is what I need to know? Because those guys who don't mind are not insecure... simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 As usual, I look at this another way. I would be asking her why she feels she's not secure in her own attraction that she requires constant external validation. A woman like this, depending on how extreme she gets, is ripe for other forms of external validation. There's appropriate attire for every situation, age and body shape. Also, some people are fashion accidents waiting to happen. There's tasteful sexuality and trashy sexuality. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EDDO Posted July 9, 2007 Author Share Posted July 9, 2007 So tell me, why dont you mind if guys stare? This is what I need to know? Because those guys who don't mind are not insecure... simple. Again, I dont believe its an insecure issue here. If a woman who is in a relationship wants to pose in Playboy for instance and her other half is opposed to it, does that mean he is insecure? Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 As usual, I look at this another way. I would be asking her why she feels she's not secure in her own attraction that she requires constant external validation. A woman like this, depending on how extreme she gets, is ripe for other forms of external validation. There's appropriate attire for every situation, age and body shape. Also, some people are fashion accidents waiting to happen. There's tasteful sexuality and trashy sexuality. Right, so we'd probably need to see some pictures of her to get a better idea! In the case of my friend, I was wondering if he was overreacting, so he sent me a photo or two, and ugh, what his gf chose to wear looked dreadful! It looked like her boobs might pop out at any second. Some photos her underwear was visible because she sat with her legs apart and a short skirt on. It wasn't flattering to her body type and she did in fact look trashy. I just told him hopefully she would grow out of it. But in this case she is in her 40s. I am not trying to be ageist, but I do think the way you dress should change as you change and your body changes (I definitely don't dress the way I did in my 20s). It does seem odd that she's busting her boobs out at work. It does smack a little of "look at me, look at me, I'm still hot." Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 All that matters is what you think. The other dudes are not relevant. If you think you would like it better if she weren't the kind of woman who needs the attention, then decide whether it is a determining factor in breaking up with her or not. if it is, then dump her and find a more secure woman. If not, then let it slide. but in any event, do not let the other men enter into your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 You say she is NOT flirting with other men, or making excessive eye contact, so it sounds like it is more about her just wanting to feel eyes on her while making it known she is with you. It sounds like this is not enough to make you break up with her, but that it is causing enough stress for you that you are frustrated, and looking for a way to handle it. What if instead of being threatened by it..you look at her with pity and think about why she has that need to do that. It isn't threatening, actually, if I were you, I would think she was kind of corny and be a little disapponted because of that. Most women, not all, but many need that affirmation from the opposite sex, does not mean it will go farther, it is just kind of sad. Can you change how you see it from being threatened and stressed to seeing her as maybe weak and needy, and then you won't feel "under" her, but more insightful of what is spurring her need to show cleavage. Any woman worth her salt knows she can push 'em up n out and wear tight short skirts with heels and instantly get male attention. It is the easiest thing in the world, but I think it is demeaning to oneself. It is much more satisfying to see admiration, if one is into that, for displaying oneself tastefully, and holding back on the meat market aspect. I always think it is sad to see women try so hard. Also, by doing that, it is letting you know that she can get that attention and putting you in a defensive position. Don't fall for it, let her flaunt 'em, just try to understand what is driving her, and see if you *still* want to be with her, if you can still love her and respect her even after knowing why she does it.... If you just see it for the sad thing it is, you really won't be threatened as much. Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 "So tell me, why dont you mind if guys stare? This is what I need to know?" I'm not a guy, but from the responses it seems the guys liked the external validation/lusting towards their GF/wife, especially if she made it clear she was with them. That clearly doesn't work for you, I wouldn't label you as needy or insecure because of that. I hope what I wrote about why she does it works for you, because you obviously don't feel flattered by other men wanting her based on her style of dressing-- so that approach won't work for you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EDDO Posted July 10, 2007 Author Share Posted July 10, 2007 Thank you very much Squeak. You made a lot of sense and I will try your advise. Link to post Share on other sites
InLimbo2 Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 oh good lord - why is everyone trying to paint this woman as insecure or having some psychological problem!? Maybe she just has a nice body, and likes to showcase it. He said she's not dressing all sleezy, and she's always dressed this way. How bout by the time she's in her 40s she knows what looks good on her - and dresses that way. What's the difference between that and a guy that buys a suit with a great cut to show off his shoulders? Or the body he's worked hard at the gym to get? Maybe she just has a really nice bust, particularly for a woman in 40s, and is PROUD of it? You say she is NOT flirting with other men, or making excessive eye contact, so it sounds like it is more about her just wanting to feel eyes on her while making it known she is with you. It sounds like this is not enough to make you break up with her, but that it is causing enough stress for you that you are frustrated, and looking for a way to handle it. What if instead of being threatened by it..you look at her with pity and think about why she has that need to do that. It isn't threatening, actually, if I were you, I would think she was kind of corny and be a little disapponted because of that. Most women, not all, but many need that affirmation from the opposite sex, does not mean it will go farther, it is just kind of sad. Can you change how you see it from being threatened and stressed to seeing her as maybe weak and needy, and then you won't feel "under" her, but more insightful of what is spurring her need to show cleavage. Any woman worth her salt knows she can push 'em up n out and wear tight short skirts with heels and instantly get male attention. It is the easiest thing in the world, but I think it is demeaning to oneself. It is much more satisfying to see admiration, if one is into that, for displaying oneself tastefully, and holding back on the meat market aspect. I always think it is sad to see women try so hard. Also, by doing that, it is letting you know that she can get that attention and putting you in a defensive position. Don't fall for it, let her flaunt 'em, just try to understand what is driving her, and see if you *still* want to be with her, if you can still love her and respect her even after knowing why she does it.... If you just see it for the sad thing it is, you really won't be threatened as much. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts