Cleavage, push up bras, when is it to much?

July 11, 2007

oh good lord - why is everyone trying to paint this woman as insecure or having some psychological problem!? Maybe she just has a nice body, and likes to showcase it. He said she's not dressing all sleezy, and she's always dressed this way. How bout by the time she's in her 40s she knows what looks good on her - and dresses that way. What's the difference between that and a guy that buys a suit with a great cut to show off his shoulders? Or the body he's worked hard at the gym to get? Maybe she just has a really nice bust, particularly for a woman in 40s, and is PROUD of it?

This woman is probably extremely confident and secure about her body... (like me LOL) I have a nice body and I like to show it off... I don't need to dress sleazy or trashy...

That makes people around insecure and somewhat jealous hence the need to classify these women as insecure or slutty.

I totally agree with you.

July 11, 2007

Eddo asked for advice on how to deal with this, I gave him a viewpoint that may help, his GF is not really the subject here, but different ways that EDDO can view the situation so as to cope with it better.

What do I care how Eddo's GF dresses??

Eddo came on here asking for help for a specific issue he was having in his relationship, so I was trying to give him advice in seeing things through a different viewpoint.

He mentioned she dresses like that every day, and it bothers him. And he specifically asked for ways to cope, I tried to do that......If anyone else can give practical advice please feel free, no need to turn this into putting down other people's opinions *in a specific context for a specific purpose*...namely to help HIM see it differently so he won't be so upset.

Sometimes I think LS isn't worth it . People come here for help, seems I can't say anything right without people who it was not intended for taking offense.

July 11, 2007

oh good lord - why is everyone trying to paint this woman as insecure or having some psychological problem!? Maybe she just has a nice body, and likes to showcase it. He said she's not dressing all sleezy, and she's always dressed this way. How bout by the time she's in her 40s she knows what looks good on her - and dresses that way. What's the difference between that and a guy that buys a suit with a great cut to show off his shoulders? Or the body he's worked hard at the gym to get? Maybe she just has a really nice bust, particularly for a woman in 40s, and is PROUD of it?

Thank you everyone for "all" of your comments and opinions. After all, this is a forum where everyone can say what they think and feel. Squeak, you are right. I came on here looking for ways to deal with this as I do not want this issue to come between us, so thank you for what you have written, I hope it will help me.

My GF is very attractive and has a good body but honestly, I feel like she likes that attention and I think that showing lots of cleavage is a cheap way to get it. I feel she doesnt have to do that to get the attention and why should she care to get it anyway except from me, and I give her a lot. I am also attractive and care how I look but I am not going out there to get attention from women? As long as I am getting my GF's attention, that is what I feel is important.

InLimbo, thank you also for your opinion, really. I have to say though that the difference between a man buying a suit with a great cut etc then mf GF showing major cleavage is that a woman would see a man that is wearing that suit and think, wow that guy looks great and handsome and a man that is looking down the top of my GF is thinking, man would I like to make it with her and play with those breasts all night long.

July 11, 2007

No, EDDO, you are not insecure because your wife shows off her body. Yes, this does make me wonder about her though.

My wife and I always notice those women who show alot of cleavage. She figures that if it a little then it is attractive, but when it gets to the point that men continually stare, then it is trashy. And these are from another woman. She will once in awhile have a little showing but that is because she is a 34 or 36DD...sometimes it cannot be helped. But when a woman always feels that she likes to show off her body...and particularly her breasts, then I wonder why.

I work in a store for part of the year. I have decided that too much cleavage is not only disrespectful to other people, it is annoying. And I mean cleavage to the point where the nipples almost show. When I have to force myself to look at a woman's eyes for fear she will think that I am staring at her breasts, then this is not being respectful and considerate to others. I have literally walked out of the store and let a female worker take care of the customer. It is not that I don't like staring at them, but that is not what we are there for. Now I am developing the attitude that if she wants to show that much, then I guess that I can stare at them.

I question why she does it. Why does she need to flaunt because she has it? At what point should she respect the man she is with and tone it down? I agree...she is not his wife. But I also wonder how she would feel if he spent his time staring at other women who dressed as she did. Would she not question his motives? Would this not be disrespectful to her? Does she not think she is disrespecting the men and women who have no choice but to either not look at her or notice her cleavage?

No, I think what she is doing is overboard. I would need to see some pictures to say for sure, but if she is in her 40s and showing off her breasts wherever she goes, then I would wonder what is her motivation. I don't mind that men look at my wife in appreciation, but I think it is disrespectful for men to look at a woman who is with another man as if they want to sleep with her. And a woman who encourages that behavior with her styles of dress is being disrespectful to both her partner and the men who are partners of other women

EDDO, you have a right to be concerned. Is this the kind of woman you want to be with? One who cares more about showing off her body for others to see than your feelings or one who cares more about your feelings when she is with you than with showing off her body for other men to see?

July 11, 2007

Eddo asked for advice on how to deal with this, I gave him a viewpoint that may help, his GF is not really the subject here, but different ways that EDDO can view the situation so as to cope with it better.

What do I care how Eddo's GF dresses??

Eddo came on here asking for help for a specific issue he was having in his relationship, so I was trying to give him advice in seeing things through a different viewpoint.

He mentioned she dresses like that every day, and it bothers him. And he specifically asked for ways to cope, I tried to do that......If anyone else can give practical advice please feel free, no need to turn this into putting down other people's opinions *in a specific context for a specific purpose*...namely to help HIM see it differently so he won't be so upset.

Sometimes I think LS isn't worth it . People come here for help, seems I can't say anything right without people who it was not intended for taking offense.

The previous poster just disagreed with you. That is normal when people discuss different points of view. There is no reason to take offense or feel anyone is putting you down.

I also agree that the GF probably is just proud of her body and likes to show it off a little. It has nothing to do with insecurity. I was blessed with a decent body and a nice chest and I tend to wear shirts that are more low cut as well. I'm not insecure or deseprate for attention in the slightest. I'm just proud of the body I have and don't feel a need to hide it. I see it as no different than a guy wearing a nice suit.

July 11, 2007

I see it as no different than a guy wearing a nice suit.

Then you have no problem if your BF or husband is one of the men who is staring at EDDO's GF?

No, a nice suit or a nice dress or even a little cleavage is attractive and sexy. But when a woman shows enough cleavage that gives men the idea that she is available...and yes, they do, then that is being disrespectful to all of those around.

Comparing a nice suit which covers the body to a top that shows much of the breasts is being ignorant of what men think and what women think of their men who think like that.

July 11, 2007

The previous poster just disagreed with you. That is normal when people discuss different points of view. There is no reason to take offense or feel anyone is putting you down.

Thanks Annabelle, maybe I'm the one taking offense too readily

So there are two replies to this thread, one is that if you've got it-flaunt it, it is not anything but healthy and natural. Deal with it.

The other is that it is signifigantly a problem because you are in this relationship, by her side and observing the common reactions to it--and you are bothered by what messages it gives to other men. And you are taking it personally that you give her everything, why does she need this from others?

This is in some ways tougher than other problems, as it sounds like this is the only issue you have, so you want to work it out, but you want her to change that aspect.

Most likely-- she may not. And you can't change your initial response to it, I have to agree with James2 poster above. It is just making it hard within the context of your relationship,

So I guess the 2 options here are (since you can't you can't discard your feelings on it-that is impossible for anyone) :

you can modify how you think about it,

or it will become intolerable for you as time goes on, and decide it is not for you (easier said than done-!)

Only you know which will make you happier, good luck!

July 11, 2007

Thank you James and Squeak once again. I will add this also. This is a sensitive issue with her also. She was married for 19 years until her husband passed away a couple of years ago. He would never allow her to wear outfits that showed any cleavage and she said she swore that she would never be in a relationship like that again.

Her outfits are always nice and I can usually handle them except when I see her leaning over they open up more exposing more. On last sat though, she wore a shirt that didnt just show cleavage but a lot of her breasts. With the push up bra, i thought it was extreme. I tried to be calm but I was mad I will admit but didnt say a word as it was "wrong" to dictate how she dressed, grr. I fell, because of that, there was this one guy that wouldnt stop looking and trying to give her the eye. I could see him talking to his buddies then all of them looking. Even when we both walked by him holding hands, he was just staring as we passed. I got very upset and was all night as he didnt stop to a point I was ready to,,well I wasnt happy at all. Sure I know guys are going to look but he had no respect that she was even with me. By the end of the night she was mad at me for being mad at this guy? yes I know this sounds childish, lol.

She tried to say that it didnt matter what anyone thought as she was with me and leaving there with me. I think what she was wearing, made this guy act like that but she claims no.

I just dont know anymore.

July 11, 2007

She's jacking with you to a degree. She's rebelling and also enjoying your jealousy. A little bit of jealousy is healthy. Jacking with the feelings of your mate on a consistant basis speaks of a lack of respect.

Here's a thought. The next time you see a girl with a great set showing it off, express some carnal interest (don't overdo it). Make sure it's younger women. Continue to do this on an ongoing basis.

As for your reaction to her, ignore her display of cleavage. Don't react jealously to it, don't admire it, don't display any reaction. If after awhile she starts to ask about it, tell her you trust her and since she wants to expose herself, it's her body and her decision to dragnet for male validation. Also let her know that you understand this need, especially for a woman in her forties...

July 11, 2007

Damn, that's good. Really good suggestion.

Another thing that also stands out is that it is not in Eddo's best interest to have to singlehandedly defend his GF's honor if comments/actions are taken by randy onlookers. It is putting you in a awkward / dangerous position from that table of guys that upset you, in the future too.

July 11, 2007

I fell, because of that, there was this one guy that wouldnt stop looking and trying to give her the eye. I could see him talking to his buddies then all of them looking. Even when we both walked by him holding hands, he was just staring as we passed. I got very upset and was all night as he didnt stop to a point I was ready to,,well I wasnt happy at all.

That says INSECURITY... sorry but it does...

Next time when you pass a table where a guy is starring (btw you can't prevent people from looking...geez)... just look at him with a little smile... and wink at him...

July 11, 2007

I fell, because of that, there was this one guy that wouldnt stop looking and trying to give her the eye. I could see him talking to his buddies then all of them looking. Even when we both walked by him holding hands, he was just staring as we passed. I got very upset and was all night as he didnt stop to a point I was ready to,,well I wasnt happy at all.

That says INSECURITY... sorry but it does...

Next time when you pass a table where a guy is starring (btw you can't prevent people from looking...geez)... just look at him with a little smile... and wink at him...

Maybe it is a little insecure and maybe its not totally. Can anyone actually say that they wouldnt care if someone is staring at their partner the entire night? I mean staring, pointing etc etc? Sure have your look but enough is enough. One of the times that we went outside for fresh air, that guy and his buddy came out right after and when they walked back in, I his buddy say "now I know why you wanted to go out side" and another time, again he came out and stood very close to us until I realized that was him.

July 11, 2007

Trialbyfire, good advise, thanks. Maybe i will try that to.

July 11, 2007

I also agree that the GF probably is just proud of her body and likes to show it off a little. It has nothing to do with insecurity.

showing off and security are oxymora, imo.

I see it as no different than a guy wearing a nice suit.

say what? that's completely off base. there is a big difference between dressing nicely and wearing clothing that tastefully accentuates your features, and dressing in a way that prompts your chest to be half out.

a guy wearing a nice suit is classy sensuality. it makes them look great. it's akin to a female wearing a nice night gown/dress, that embraces and accentuates some of her curves.

wearing a shirt so low-cut that almost everything is visible is not sexy at all. and as far as the OP, her constant need to do so as well as the degree to which she does it does not, imo, sound sensual. rather, it just sounds trashy.

No, a nice suit or a nice dress or even a little cleavage is attractive and sexy. But when a woman shows enough cleavage that gives men the idea that she is available...and yes, they do, then that is being disrespectful to all of those around.

yes, i completely agree. there is nothing wrong with revealing a bit, but when it is in excess, like it sounds to be in the case of the OP, it does give men the wrong impression, and when it gets to that point, it becomes wrong.

Here's a thought. The next time you see a girl with a great set showing it off, express some carnal interest (don't overdo it). Make sure it's younger women. Continue to do this on an ongoing basis.

As for your reaction to her, ignore her display of cleavage. Don't react jealously to it, don't admire it, don't display any reaction. If after awhile she starts to ask about it, tell her you trust her and since she wants to expose herself, it's her body and her decision to dragnet for male validation. Also let her know that you understand this need, especially for a woman in her forties...

i agree with you, too, except i don't think he should follow her lead and play games.

i think he needs to realize that he already told her how he feel, and that she wasn't really willing to do much to ameliorate his bad feelings. in truth, i don't think there is much she can do, really, short of not dressing like that anymore, but that would then call into question the "fairness" of actions.

she doesn't have to change anything, really, and it doesn't sound like she wants to, anyway. in this case, i really think the OP needs to assess whether he can deal with it or not. he needs to bear in mind that if this will continue to bother him, it will indubitably hurt the relationship. if he can accept it, then he needs to get on with it, but if he can't, i think he needs to call it quits.

this might seem like a trifle, but if he can't resolve it, it certainly will escalate further.

I fell, because of that, there was this one guy that wouldnt stop looking and trying to give her the eye. I could see him talking to his buddies then all of them looking. Even when we both walked by him holding hands, he was just staring as we passed. I got very upset and was all night as he didnt stop to a point I was ready to,,well I wasnt happy at all.

That says INSECURITY... sorry but it does...

Next time when you pass a table where a guy is starring (btw you can't prevent people from looking...geez)... just look at him with a little smile... and wink at him...

i don't think so. when i was with my exbf, i once wore a blouse that was a little too low-cut. admittedly, i wore it to entice him, but when we went out to dinner, we found that i was getting some really unwelcoming stares. i knew he was bothered that other people were ogling, presumable having unnecessary thoughts.

i ended up asking him for his blazer, and we enjoyed the shirt and everything else when we were by ourselves.

anyway, i don't think it means that he has any insecurities. he just doesn't appreciate her dressing in ways that evoke overly sexual looks and thoughts, and i can completely agree with that.

July 11, 2007

To answer the title of your thread directly, "when is it too much?" I think when guys are openly POINTING and making comments like what you quoted above, it's definitely too much. Though we haven't seen pictures of what she looks like/what she's wearing, it must be fairly risque to generate that kind of reaction, or you must be going to some places where people are strangely brazen and even lacking in manners. I am surprised your gf isn't uncomfortable or embarrassed, as this kind of attention seems demeaning rather than admiring. How did she react when that guy said "now I know why you wanted to go outside"?

July 11, 2007

All that matters is what you think.

The other dudes are not relevant.

If you think you would like it better if she weren't the kind of woman who needs the attention, then decide whether it is a determining factor in breaking up with her or not. if it is, then dump her and find a more secure woman. If not, then let it slide. but in any event, do not let the other men enter into your mind.

I agree with this. It really doesn't matter if anyone else thinks you are controlling, immature etc. All that matters is whether you can live with dating a girl who constantly wears revealing clothes when you go out. If you can't deal with it, then break off with her if she won't change (most people won't change, in this sort of situation. Even if they do, they will often resent it). If you can, then just try to work on being more calm, and let her know it bothers you a little.

You are the one who has to deal with this, not anyone else, so only you can decide if you are comfortable with it or not.

July 11, 2007

i agree with you, too, except i don't think he should follow her lead and play games.

It sounds like he wants to keep her. In order to do that, she needs to understand the impact of her gaming and actions. People can be dense about how much their actions can hurt someone else.

Myself personally, if there's a guy who wants to walk around with his bits and bites hanging out, I would say...sayonara...validate at someone else's expense...

July 11, 2007

To answer the title of your thread directly, "when is it too much?" I think when guys are openly POINTING and making comments like what you quoted above, it's definitely too much. Though we haven't seen pictures of what she looks like/what she's wearing, it must be fairly risque to generate that kind of reaction, or you must be going to some places where people are strangely brazen and even lacking in manners. I am surprised your gf isn't uncomfortable or embarrassed, as this kind of attention seems demeaning rather than admiring. How did she react when that guy said "now I know why you wanted to go outside"?

She didnt say much and that I was just acting immature. She said if it was the other way around, she would have walked up to the woman and would have said something like, he looks pretty good hey? handling it that way instead of getting mad like I did.

July 12, 2007

You may not be out there to get attention from women - but you aren't dressing in big baggy ugly clothes to prevent it - right? You dress in what you think you look good in. So does your GF. There is not a soul alive - well, a healthy mature well adjusted soul - that doesn't like appreciation for them - their looks included - as long as it's not aggressive or threatening. If women frequently told you that you were attractive, had great (insert body part here) - does that mean you should stop dressing your normal way - because it got you attention?

As for your comment about men looking down her top and wanting to play with them all night - that says way more about men, than your girlfriend. So she's supposed to dress to make sure men don't think about touching her? A woman with a nice bust is pretty hot in a turtleneck too ya know. Why should she alter her clothing to turn off men? Do we run around tellin men at the beach to cover up because they look too good? and women might think impure thoughts bout them?

be glad you have a strong, independent, confident, attractive woman that LOVES YOU and makes sure everyone knows it - and stop fretting over this one.

just my .02 cents

Thank you everyone for "all" of your comments and opinions. After all, this is a forum where everyone can say what they think and feel. Squeak, you are right. I came on here looking for ways to deal with this as I do not want this issue to come between us, so thank you for what you have written, I hope it will help me.
My GF is very attractive and has a good body but honestly, I feel like she likes that attention and I think that showing lots of cleavage is a cheap way to get it. I feel she doesnt have to do that to get the attention and why should she care to get it anyway except from me, and I give her a lot. I am also attractive and care how I look but I am not going out there to get attention from women? As long as I am getting my GF's attention, that is what I feel is important.
InLimbo, thank you also for your opinion, really. I have to say though that the difference between a man buying a suit with a great cut etc then mf GF showing major cleavage is that a woman would see a man that is wearing that suit and think, wow that guy looks great and handsome and a man that is looking down the top of my GF is thinking, man would I like to make it with her and play with those breasts all night long.

July 12, 2007

I'd be staring right along with my significant other! A nice rack is a nice rack - period! Men look at breasts - period - it's DNA encoded. A woman can be an A cup - totally covered -and if their nipples are hard, men will stare. Should all women who have a man only be allowed to wear baggy loose clothing so that men don't stare? To be honest - in that case, most men will say "self, what what she's got under that big ole shirt".

So - showing breasts is a signal that you're available for sex? Really? Try that on a chick in a bar - walk up and grab her chest and toss her down - since she gave you that signal right? Let me know how that works for ya. Women show their breasts when they breastfeed infants - you saying that they are lookin for some action and that's why they do that? Get a grip - cleavage does not = slut.

Hate to tell ya - put the same woman - nice chest - in a turtleneck - that covers her whole bust - and the guys will stare still.

Then you have no problem if your BF or husband is one of the men who is staring at EDDO's GF?

No, a nice suit or a nice dress or even a little cleavage is attractive and sexy. But when a woman shows enough cleavage that gives men the idea that she is available...and yes, they do, then that is being disrespectful to all of those around.

Comparing a nice suit which covers the body to a top that shows much of the breasts is being ignorant of what men think and what women think of their men who think like that.

July 12, 2007

The guys' behavior was outta line - but that IS ON HIM. Stop trying to put some stranger's behavior on your woman's back - she doesn't own his behavior - he does. If some woman made eyes at you at a bar and acted that way - should she make you pay?

Thank you James and Squeak once again. I will add this also. This is a sensitive issue with her also. She was married for 19 years until her husband passed away a couple of years ago. He would never allow her to wear outfits that showed any cleavage and she said she swore that she would never be in a relationship like that again.
Her outfits are always nice and I can usually handle them except when I see her leaning over they open up more exposing more. On last sat though, she wore a shirt that didnt just show cleavage but a lot of her breasts. With the push up bra, i thought it was extreme. I tried to be calm but I was mad I will admit but didnt say a word as it was "wrong" to dictate how she dressed, grr. I fell, because of that, there was this one guy that wouldnt stop looking and trying to give her the eye. I could see him talking to his buddies then all of them looking. Even when we both walked by him holding hands, he was just staring as we passed. I got very upset and was all night as he didnt stop to a point I was ready to,,well I wasnt happy at all. Sure I know guys are going to look but he had no respect that she was even with me. By the end of the night she was mad at me for being mad at this guy? yes I know this sounds childish, lol.

She tried to say that it didnt matter what anyone thought as she was with me and leaving there with me. I think what she was wearing, made this guy act like that but she claims no.

I just dont know anymore.

July 12, 2007

You act as though she's a misbehaving teenager - rebelling? She's a grown woman!

You advise playing games and jacking her feelings about age and putting her down as a resolution? Oh yeah - that's healthy and mature...

She's jacking with you to a degree. She's rebelling and also enjoying your jealousy. A little bit of jealousy is healthy. Jacking with the feelings of your mate on a consistant basis speaks of a lack of respect.

Here's a thought. The next time you see a girl with a great set showing it off, express some carnal interest (don't overdo it). Make sure it's younger women. Continue to do this on an ongoing basis.

As for your reaction to her, ignore her display of cleavage. Don't react jealously to it, don't admire it, don't display any reaction. If after awhile she starts to ask about it, tell her you trust her and since she wants to expose herself, it's her body and her decision to dragnet for male validation. Also let her know that you understand this need, especially for a woman in her forties...

July 12, 2007

Did you actually just say that if a woman is sexually attacked that her clothing choices are to blamed and she was asking for it? Tell me you didn't just say that - really - please.

Damn, that's good. Really good suggestion.

Another thing that also stands out is that it is not in Eddo's best interest to have to singlehandedly defend his GF's honor if comments/actions are taken by randy onlookers. It is putting you in a awkward / dangerous position from that table of guys that upset you, in the future too.

July 12, 2007

admittedly, the suit wasn't the best comparison - see my one further in the thread about a guy on a beach. And - men still stare at hot women in gowns and suits. Face it - men look at a hot woman, no matter what she's wearing!

what nobody seems to get is that the woman - the one wearing the clothes - doesn't seem to believe she's showing too much - and that she IS dressed tastefully and accentuates her features. Just because YOU might think that it's too much and not sexy, she doesn't - and it's her body, and she's obviously not showing enough for it to be illegal. He's already said that she isn't dressed sleezy street-walker like. And he said she dresses like that all the time -if it were as bad as you all make it out to be - surely her employer wouldn't put up with it.