Do actions speak louder than words?

[Stella]

I've known a guy for about 3 months now, and in all that time we have gone out on 4 dates. Each date has been (in my opinion) succesively better than the last, although I have had a great time on all of them. Basically I find him incredibly attractive and would like to continue seeing him on a more regular basis. The problem is, he works six days a week and studies part time, which leaves him very little time for a social life. When he does go out he priorities his friends, which I understand. I have not pushed him into a commitment at all, not even contacting him during the week because I know he's busy (even though I think about him constantly). When I call on the weekend we often speak for over an hour and he seems very keen, but I think that if I didn't call I'd probably never hear from him again. Not so much because he doesn't like me, but clearly he has other priorities.

 

Last weekend I called and said I was going to be out in his area. He said he had plans to go to a party in another city that night but would like to catch up and would speak to his friends about staying in town. Well later on he calls saying he was out of town, that he felt obliged to go to this party and he was staying at his friend's house, so wouldn't be able to see me. Although I was pretty upset I played it cool. I thought it was over. Then he left a message the next day apologising for not seeing me and asking me how my night was. He always does that - dissapoints me then makes an effort. Stringing me along (although I honestly do not think he is a player, or intentionally does this).

 

Anyway, I really want to see him this weekend but don't know how to go about setting something up. In the past I have left it casual kind of 'well if you're out and i'm out then let's hook up...' but I am SICK of playing hard to get. I just don't want him to think I'm desparate - more than that, I don't want to give him an ultimatum and look like an idiot if he rejects me. I just... I don't know what he is thinking, if anything.

 

Sorry to crap on so much, I am just really confused about the situation. Any help would be great!

[clia]

I hate to break it to you, but you are not playing hard to get.

 

When I call on the weekend we often speak for over an hour

 

I think that if I didn't call I'd probably never hear from him again.

 

Last weekend I called and said I was going to be out in his area.

 

In the past I have left it casual kind of 'well if you're out and i'm out then let's hook up...'

 

What actions are you referring to, exactly?

 

4 dates in 3 months? IMO, he may think you are a nice person, but he is absolutely lukewarm about you. The fact that you think if you did not continue to pursue this that you would never hear from him again speaks volumes.

 

I've said it before on this site--the busiest man in the world will find the time to see you if he is really interested. He will make you a priority. This guy isn't stepping up to the plate. He could certainly find an hour to meet you for dinner (he has to eat, right?) or meet you for coffee or lob a phone call your way. He is not doing so.

 

I think you need to stop calling him and initiating things and see what he does next. If nothing, well, then you know how he feels about you. Trust me, if he is really interested, he will not let you fall out of his life. If he does call, then great, go out with him!

 

Good luck.

[Tony T]

It has been absolutely proven that even the President of the United States, the leader of the free world with the most rigorous schedule of all, can make time to see a lady (albeit an intern) if he wants to. I don't buy any BS from a guy who's too busy to see somebody he wants to.

 

YOU are not playing hard to get at all. He is. At this point, that's the ONLY reason you desire to see him. You have no other reason to want to see a guy who doesn't care to make time for you. It's a stupid psychological thing that's working on you.

 

In any other life situation, you would tell somebody who's treating you like this to go to hell. I think you ought to back off and go find a guy who has time for you and knows how to treat a nice lady decently.

 

And, yes, the apologies. Well, I can shoot you in the heart and call you the next day when you're in critical condition in the Intensive Care Unit and say I'm sorry but a lot of good that would do. Poop on his apologies. Judge him by the way he treats you and give little weight to the repeated apologies.

[ThisGirlNameKD]

I agree with the previous postings. But you said something interesting, that you were keeping it casual. I think he is also. It looks as if this guy is not looking for anything thing steady, but you are. You feel one way about things and he feels differently. So, just as Clia say, leave it alone. Don't call or contact him. Don't do it waiting to hear from him. Get on with your life with other people. If he's really all that interesting he may give you a call. But even then if he does, it may not mean he wants a steady relationship. If that's what you want, find it somewhere else.