Leahh Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Is there any way to include my gay friend in the wedding? He's one of my best friend (as in, if he was a girl he'd be a bridesmaid). All groomsmen and such are picked. Opinions? Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Ask him to read a passage during the service maybe or be an usher and maybe to seat your mother and grandmother's. Ask him to act as host at your reception before the wedding party arrives. Depending on the type of service I assume that there would be several important jobs he could have. I would NOT make him an honorary brides maid or anything like that! Link to post Share on other sites
McFadden Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Is there any way to include my gay friend in the wedding? He's one of my best friend (as in, if he was a girl he'd be a bridesmaid). All groomsmen and such are picked. Opinions? It is really nice of you to make a point of including your friend. If it were my wedding and it were a very femme gay man, I would just include him as a bridesmaid but wearing like a pantsuit the same color as the bridesmaid dresses. But I'm probably not going to have a traditional and formal wedding. Now that this comes up I don't have enough girl friends to make up a group of bridesmaids. So I have no idea how I would fit my friends into my wedding if I were having one. I will probably have to have something informal. Link to post Share on other sites
BabyPhoenix Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 If it were my wedding and it were a very femme gay man, I would just include him as a bridesmaid but wearing like a pantsuit the same color as the bridesmaid dresses. Um, no. Where I live, you have to have two witnesses sign the official wedding register. Usually they are parents or close friends. It is viewed as an honour. Also, what about Master of Ceremonies? ie: the person who delivers the opening address, welcomes everyone, is in charge of ushers, and most impoartantly makes a lovely, funny speeches to introduce the speakers at the reception. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 You could have him sing "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me" at the reception. Link to post Share on other sites
disgracian Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 I see nothing wrong with making him a bridesmaid/bridesman/whatever. It's happened before and worked quite well. He doesn't have to wear a dress or the same coloured outfit as the other bridesmaids. He'll just sit at the table with the other bridesmaids and be in the bridal party photos. Cheers, D. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 I see nothing wrong with making him a bridesmaid/bridesman/whatever. It's happened before and worked quite well. He doesn't have to wear a dress or the same coloured outfit as the other bridesmaids. He'll just sit at the table with the other bridesmaids and be in the bridal party photos. Cheers, D. ARRGGHHH!!! This is a wedding, not a three ring circus, not a time to air personal views or call attention to them. The attention should be to the WEDDING, the vows of the bride and groom. Not a time to announce to the world... I have a gay friend. Give him an important job... one that you can trust him to and need him to perform... THAT is what you might ask or expect of ANY friend. If I were to get married tomorrow, I would not want my BEST friend standing beside me. I would NEED her to make sure that everything was running flawlessly, THAT'S what is so very special about HER (in my case). Decide what your friend has most to offer and ask him if he would be willing. This is a special day and should be treated as such with its syblance as the MOST IMPORTANT factor. I can't remember the what kind of flowers the brides maids held at my own wedding, I do remember my sister wiping her eyes on the handkerchiefs that my grandmother tatted and starting to giggle through my own tears at her and thanking God that grandma had the forsight to present each attendant with one of her God awful doilies:p. Put him in a position to shine as HIMSELF. Link to post Share on other sites
spookie Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 ARRGGHHH!!! This is a wedding, not a three ring circus, not a time to air personal views or call attention to them. The attention should be to the WEDDING, the vows of the bride and groom. Not a time to announce to the world... I have a gay friend. Give him an important job... one that you can trust him to and need him to perform... THAT is what you might ask or expect of ANY friend. If I were to get married tomorrow, I would not want my BEST friend standing beside me. I would NEED her to make sure that everything was running flawlessly, THAT'S what is so very special about HER (in my case). Decide what your friend has most to offer and ask him if he would be willing. This is a special day and should be treated as such with its syblance as the MOST IMPORTANT factor. I can't remember the what kind of flowers the brides maids held at my own wedding, I do remember my sister wiping her eyes on the handkerchiefs that my grandmother tatted and starting to giggle through my own tears at her and thanking God that grandma had the forsight to present each attendant with one of her God awful doilies:p. Put him in a position to shine as HIMSELF. I found your post to be a little offensive. My best friend is a gay guy, and when I get married he is going to be my bridesman of honor, not because I want to announce anything to the world, but because he is my best and I would want him to stand behind me on one of the most important days of my life. I'd forego the pastel-colored pantsuit in favor of simple black, though. Link to post Share on other sites
disgracian Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 It's a bride's perogative to choose whoever she wants, IfWishesWereHorses. If anybody at the wedding is distracted by that notion, then that reveals more about their own character and prejudices than anything else. In fact, it shouldn't even say anything about his sexuality at all. While I understand that some people find tradition extremely important, they have to respect that as invited guests, it isn't their wedding. The wedding belongs to the two people getting married, and only they ought to have final say in what happens. Cheers, D. Link to post Share on other sites
spookie Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 It's a bride's perogative to choose whoever she wants, IfWishesWereHorses. If anybody at the wedding is distracted by that notion, then that reveals more about their own character and prejudices than anything else. In fact, it shouldn't even say anything about his sexuality at all. While I understand that some people find tradition extremely important, they have to respect that as invited guests, it isn't their wedding. The wedding belongs to the two people getting married, and only they ought to have final say in what happens. Cheers, D. That's what I meant. Link to post Share on other sites
McFadden Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 I guess it all depends on who is going to be present and what thier comfort levels are. If I were having a wedding I wouldn't see having a bridesman as creating a circus, but there are a lot of other things he could do as people pointed out. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 A very dear male friend of mine got married 14 years ago and I was his best person. I am not gay, nor is he (clearly) - but it is how we felt. I was living in NYC at the time, and he was living in Tel Aviv, Israel and I would not have missed his wedding for anything in the world. Plus I was honored to be asked to stand up for him. Thankfully he is one of my few guy friends who married a wonderful woman who welcomes me into their home/lives - the rest have issues and force the friendship (s) to end. OY. Link to post Share on other sites
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