what does this mean about me

[noone]

i've been doing alot of soul searching and have discovered some things about myself but i don't know what to do about them or what they may mean.

 

i've found out just today that my boyfriend who normally is very high strung and impatient with me during the day then is an angel in the evenings.

 

has been doing a huge turnarund and is controlling his temper and stress level to the point that i miss it and need it too feel human.

 

i know that this is not normal, but for some reason i am addicted to his bad mood, temper, ill treatment of me at thoset times and now that they are far and few in between, i feel so empty and like i have lost something, like a part of me needed him to be that way so i could feel okay.

 

is there a name for this and how do i gt myself out of this mess?

[Tony T]

Change is always strange. When you're used to a certain kind of feeling or treatment and it changes, it can sometimes be unsettling.

 

In your particular case, you fell in love with a guy who was somewhat of a jerk during the day and nicer at night. That guy you fell in love with no longer exists. He has changed...is different. The loss you feel is the departure from the norm, the regimen. The man that you knew is a new man now.

 

You'll get used to it. If you can't get used to being treated more nicely, even if it's limited to a certain time of the day, you may suffer from some sort of masochistic dilema or you may have come from a dysfunctional family where the behavior of one or both of your parents was unpredictable. Maybe one or both of them drank heavily and you always knew they would be mean at certain times of the day.

 

Love is very state specific. If we fall in love with someone who is mean at certain times, then when that behavior changes our feelings can change. Very often, when an alcoholic goes into recovery and stops drinking his or her marriage will then fail because that person has changed dramatically from the state they were in when love was established.

 

Having somebody around whose behavior has changed demonstrably can be unsettling. But, unless you are insane, you will welcome this change and embrace it. Not to many rational people enjoy being around an a**h***.