Skipping trips because i'm jealous and don't want to go without my fiance

[sunshine79]

My fiance and I have been engaged for 9 months and together 3 years...i find myself continuing to not want to go on trips to visit friends and family without him and if he cant' go, (due to work or a gold game) then i stay home because i'm jealous he might go out while i'm gone with his SINGLE guy friends and i can't let it NOT make me jealous....

 

i know these guys have girls falling all over them every night they go out so i know he would be in teh middle of that. i do trust him, i just don't trust the drunk sluts around downtown where i live and belive me...there are plenty of them. i guess i don't want him to even be around it and sure he is a flirtatious person but a drunk girl may get the wrong idea and my fiance can't not be a 'manly man' in front of all the guys...so he'd continue to flirt. and only flirt. but it makes me mega jealous and i'm freakin 28 years old and i am still like this!!!!! WTFFFFFFF

 

so many girls downtown dress hot and sexy and stylish...so do i but more in the jeans and tee kinda girl but i pull it off...i just wish one night i could go out in short black shorts with stylish high heels and a low cut tank and be like them....but that's not me. they're eye candy and for some reason i can't let it go - it's to the point where i won't go see my mom and dad because i want him to go and i want to know waht he's doing. it's horrrrible!! he doesn'tk now i'm like this but one dya i'm sure he'll catch it.

[sunshine79]

and he isn't even doing this on purpose...what happens is he works a saturday day and i watn to go see my parents for that day and i know when he gets off it'd be dinner and then go out with the single friends (i go with them too - he never goes by himself)

 

but i also never go away without him because i am sure he'd go by himself, not even thinking anything about it but ugh...

 

why am i even typing this, i'm just a jealous person and it's so hard. i see so manty girls that are HOT and i'm just blah...i guess i need to change how i dres s myself and handle myself and i'll be more confident.

[sungrl]

i actually can relate. I have skipped weekend trips with friends or places to go because then i know my b/f would be out at bars with his friends that weekend. I just hate the idea..

[ash519]

I have been in a similar boat and still sometimes find myself there. If you are planning on marrying this man you have to learn to trust him. That is what a relationship is built on and you dont trust him.

 

I have a second job in which i can pick what I work. I used to see a job and look at my calender and base whether or not i worked it on what my bf had going on. Did he have a gig (Hes in a band), what night it falls on...finally i was like WAIT A MINUTE!!!!! This is craziness. It is only healthy for him to go out with friends, do his own thing, whatever it may be. It is all about trust.

 

And it was very unhealthy for me to base my own life around what he was doing and the worry of what he might be up to.

 

The only reason to not want ur man to not go out is because you dont trust him. I would start by putting your neck out on a limb. Plan a trip to see a friend, or make a plan on a Saturday night with JUSt your girlfriends...let him go out with his guy friends alone. You have to trust him if you are going to marry him. I am surprised he is ok with the fact that he cant go out with his friends alone.

 

Take small steps, but again, i strongly urge you to work on this before walking down the isle.

 

Oh yeah, my bf's friends are all single too...and he is in a band...but you have to trust that although the woman may be interested, that he will behave and respect your relationship when you arent there.

[Lostgurl]

I've been in this similar situation. In my case, I had reasons for not trusting him, I was also serverely insecure. Let me tell you, it's not fun. All I can say is try not to let these feelings of jealousy control you.

 

Remember that, regardless of what you do to prevent him from flirting like sticking around when he can't come with you etc, he'll always have an opportunity to do it, I mean, you can't be with him 24-7 right? When an opportunity for you to go on a trip arises, just sit down and think, not about whether he'll go out and flirt, etc. Think about YOU, whether you'd have more fun on your trip, or sitting around at home waiting for your bf to get off work. Everytime i've done this in the past, I've never regretted going to the trips. Alot of the time, i've regretted not going.

[Enema]

i do trust him, i just don't trust the drunk sluts around downtown where i live and belive me...

 

There's the problem... you're wrong, you don't trust him at all.

 

If you did trust him, you wouldn't care what "drunk sluts" were around him because you trust him not to do something he shouldn't.

 

If you can't let him go out by himself your relationship is doomed. Seek counselling for Your problem.