Woggle Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 They all involved an Alphamale. Every man I know that is in a happy and loving marriage with a woman that appreciates him is an Alpha type. I don't mean that they are cheaters, abusers or controlling but they are very strong and independent types who would never let themselves be under a woman's thumb. They have a life outside of the marriage, plenty of friends and their own hobbies which make them more interesting people. They treat their wives very well but they would never bend over backwards for a woman that gave nothing but drama. On the other hand all the men I know who are having marital problems or going through divorces are the so called sensitive types. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 Some might be AlphaWomen too. My wife might just be one. Link to post Share on other sites
Missy27 Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 They all involved an Alphamale. Every man I know that is in a happy and loving marriage with a woman that appreciates him is an Alpha type. I don't mean that they are cheaters, abusers or controlling but they are very strong and independent types who would never let themselves be under a woman's thumb. They have a life outside of the marriage, plenty of friends and their own hobbies which make them more interesting people. They treat their wives very well but they would never bend over backwards for a woman that gave nothing but drama. On the other hand all the men I know who are having marital problems or going through divorces are the so called sensitive types. You know what ~ ? Although this is not the case for ALL happy marriages, I certainly dont disagree with the basic concept of your anology woggle. Nowadays women seem to have too many high expectations in respect to marriage...... and indeed love for that matter. Alpha Males seem to have a knack for levelling this expectation down to reality ... And that's what women need. When you look back to say 2 generations ago.... the divorce rate was much lower than it is today. The reasons for SOME of that links directly to the male's status in the relationship. My grandfather would never have been seen to cry in front of my grandmother .... it just wasn't the done thing. They are still not only married..... but sleeping in the same bed together after 50 years of marriage. My SO is an Alpha Male ~~ Genuinly. It's not something he's learnt or has adapted ~~ It comes naturally to him and is part of the reason I was so attracted to him. He keeps his emotions under control and doesn't rely on anybody to keep him in check. He has an air of mystery to him that I still find mesmerizing after 4 years. Having said that... Men CAN adapt the Alpha Male persona if they are willing to learn. It takes a strong woman to be with an Alpha Male, which is why they dont tend to be drawn to the women whom have had or are likely to acquire what Gunny calls FBS (Flakey Broad Syndrome). Walk away wives are not invited into THAT VIP area... thats for sure. The problem is.... some men are too vague and often incorrect in their description of an Alpha Male. Gunny has pretty much got it down to a T. If you read some of his threads on the separation section in which he divulges his persepctive on the Alpha Male. Its not about being sarcastic or even distasteful with your words, which is what alot of men think is a necessity of the AM stature. I can't explain it, but all I can say that AM's are EXTREMELY rare ~~~ REAL AM's that is. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 They all involved an Alphamale. Every man I know that is in a happy and loving marriage with a woman that appreciates him is an Alpha type. I really couldn't speak about every.. but the marriage of my grandparents went 68 years before my Grandfather passed away.. I have always thought their secret was they were truly each others best friends.. But my Grandfather was an Alphamale and ran the household... My Grandmother never worked a day in her life and she was totally reliant on him. They always treated each other with love and respect their whole marriage and ran their marriage as a partnership.. Link to post Share on other sites
dbtmarley Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 You know I have to agree for the most part. I mean there are exceptions of course, but P does have a point. Kind of makes you wonder... Maybe women need our direction... maybe there should be laws enacted. You never saw Mrs Ingels on Little house on the Prairie give Michael Landon a bit of lip!!! You knew all the while Charles Ingels was a tyrant though. I believe he was an alpha male who would have wiped out Ma and buried her under the barn had she not had his vittles and grub ready for him when he got home.... Plus you could always tell Charles Ingels spent far more money on hair cuts. $300 at least!! A whole years pay!! What woman would accept that today!! Men unite, down with women's rights! Men unite, down with women's rights! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted July 10, 2007 Author Share Posted July 10, 2007 People are misunderstanding what I am saying. I don't feel that men should control women but we shouldn't let women control us either or treat us like crap. I also feel that sensitive nice guys on a subconcious level attract women that are no good. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 They always treated each other with love and respect their whole marriage and ran their marriage as a partnership.. I think that is wonderful A_C! But you know unfortunatley, it seems this day and time that doesn't always happen in marriages. I really think some people are just mismatched, and some are not. Some are willing to work on their marriage as a team, and are on the same page about things. Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 Why can't we accept each other's (as genders) differences and embrace them? And carry on with mutual respect? Why do these discussions always have to come down to M vs. W and W vs. M? As genders, each has general strengths and weaknesses. Of course, these are generalizations. Then there are the individual variations that go way beyond what gender you are. Why do we at LS spend so much time searching for the holy grail of what would make (all) marriages work? If there truly IS a magic bullet, I don't think it would be any more complex or mysterious than simple RESPECT and MUTUAL CARING. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 They all involved an Alphamale. Every man I know that is in a happy and loving marriage with a woman that appreciates him is an Alpha type. I don't mean that they are cheaters, abusers or controlling but they are very strong and independent types who would never let themselves be under a woman's thumb. They have a life outside of the marriage, plenty of friends and their own hobbies which make them more interesting people. They treat their wives very well but they would never bend over backwards for a woman that gave nothing but drama. On the other hand all the men I know who are having marital problems or going through divorces are the so called sensitive types. The best marriage I know of has been going on for 18+ yrs. Both are Italian catholics. They are the traditional couple and truly enjoy their roles. He has his business which is successful and she works part-time and takes care of the 2 kids and home. Their roles are very defined. I've known both of them since high school and doubt they'll ever get divorced. And yes, he is the boss, and she likes it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Sevenmack Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 There are two lessons in all this. The first: Marriages have to be treated like a partnership, with both spouses respecting each others strengths and letting one take the lead when doing so fits their talents. The second: Nobody likes wishy-washy. Especially women. So the men out there who are wishy-washy, pensive, well, boys, need to grow up and become men. Link to post Share on other sites
Cerise Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 I agree that this is not always true but often is and it is obvious why. Are primitive instincts tell women that we need to find a mate can take care of us, that we can rely on. You look at traditonal roles and the women stayed home with the children and took care of the home, the men suported the family and made sure everything outside the home was taken care of. The men had to be strong, so instinctivly when women were looking for a husband they looked for strong men (not abusive or controlling), ones who they felt would be able to take care of them and men looked for women who would make good mothers and cooks. Now with womens movment things have gotten confusing. I do agree with equal rights and the movment but we are also recreating socity, and some struggle to find there place, a partenership was simple back then as we had our roles no questions asked, it was how it was, now each couple struggles to come up with their own roles that work for them and their partnership dosn't have the same lines drawn there all kinda blurry, thus causing chaos and power struggles within the partenership, we also don't have the same ideals of what we are looking for and are confused within our selves to what we want and we tend to make mistakes and choose people that are incompatible with the true us. There needs to be harmony within a marriage and two people have to complimnet each other not compeate with each other, which often (not always) means one out of the two parties will be stronger willed than the other inorder to create the balance. We can change socity in so many ways but we can not change our natrual instincts and if more people would listen to their instincts more people would be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 Now with womens movment things have gotten confusing. boy, that's the understatement of the century! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 There are two lessons in all this. The first: Marriages have to be treated like a partnership, with both spouses respecting each others strengths and letting one take the lead when doing so fits their talents. The second: Nobody likes wishy-washy. Especially women. So the men out there who are wishy-washy, pensive, well, boys, need to grow up and become men. I completely agree with this. I can only speak for myself. I look for strength and confidence. If a man is weak or insecure, I would mow him over. Link to post Share on other sites
morelaugh Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 And yes, he is the boss, and she likes it that way. Yeah, right! I bet she loves it! I don’t know where you people live, but my experience is completely different. Only happy marriages are between tolerant, sensitive people (both of them!). Our grandparents’ way of thinking was fundamentally different from ours. For example, most women didn’t work thenvand many where prepared to take a lot of BS from their men, things that no sane (and strong) women would take today. (Contrary to popular misconception, strong woman doesn't mean 'strong enough to accept dominant, bossy and selfish husband’) Of course, everyone wants a strong person, but that is very different from the term ‘strong man’ and, especially, has nothing in common with the alphamale stereotype. Looking at real life situations and people around me, my impression is that most of alphamale types actually end up sad and alone. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 I believe he was an alpha male who would have wiped out Ma and buried her under the barn had she not had his vittles and grub ready for him when he got home.... :lmao::lmao: you're awful! But funny ... look, we can debate until we're blue in the face about alpha males and submissive wives or vice versa, but in my experience successful, healthy relationships boil down to mutual respect and open communication. A couple (be it a married couple or a same-sex friendship) learns to be a united front as they learn the other person's strengths and weaknesses, and respecting those differences. it's when someone abuses the relationship by trying to overwhelm the other person that problems start. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 damned double posts ... something I told my two nieces when they got married: Marriage is not about 50-50 unless you're talking about splitting chores. Rather, it's giving 110 percent of yourselves to the relationship and learning to be his strength in those areas he's not strong, and allowing him to complement those things in you that are not strong. Because when you break down a relationship into 50-50 (or 51-49), then you make it a power struggle and not a true give and take relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 I summed up my feelings on relationships to the guy who drove me to find LS. He contacted me some months ago, first on the pretense that he wanted some info he knew I could get him, then finally came clean and told me it was because he suddenly came to the realization that I "had it right" about relationships. I told him I wanted an alpha male, (my words exactly) but one who recognized my intelligence and was willing to use my strengths for the better of both of us. I likened many relationships to two people trying to drive the same car at the same time; both struggling for control of the steering wheel. The problems I'd had in the past is that many of the men I've met would be totally incapable of driving the car on their own. The man I've been with for almost a year now is sensitive, but still an alpha male. He has many facets, and I find them all quite fascinating. He is very romantic, but also doesn't put up with any BS. He is very thoughtful and caring but also demands respect (which he rightfully earns). I'm such a happy gal!!! Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 I think it works the same way on the female side . I don't mean an alpha woman that is bossy and overbearing I mean a strong woman that doesn't 'need' and depend on her husband she is there because she loves him. The way I see it the alpha man type you describe is a man who is secure and happy with himself. This sort of man will not stick around in a relationship with a woman who is demeaning, controlling or straight out mean. The same goes for good woman who has her act together and is happy being a woman, she won't stick around with a guy who is a loser, jerk or a doormat because she wants a real man. Ultimately when you have this real man come together with a good women you have two independently happy and secure people who are more likely to form a good romantic female+male bond. In that sort of bond one doesn't have "power" over the other but the man is allowed to me a man and the woman allowed to be a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
morelaugh Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 A couple (be it a married couple or a same-sex friendship) learns to be a united front as they learn the other person's strengths and weaknesses, and respecting those differences. it's when someone abuses the relationship by trying to overwhelm the other person that problems start. Yes, yes, yes! Link to post Share on other sites
McFadden Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 I think it works the same way on the female side . I don't mean an alpha woman that is bossy and overbearing I mean a strong woman that doesn't 'need' and depend on her husband she is there because she loves him. The way I see it the alpha man type you describe is a man who is secure and happy with himself. This sort of man will not stick around in a relationship with a woman who is demeaning, controlling or straight out mean. The same goes for good woman who has her act together and is happy being a woman, she won't stick around with a guy who is a loser, jerk or a doormat because she wants a real man. Ultimately when you have this real man come together with a good women you have two independently happy and secure people who are more likely to form a good romantic female+male bond. In that sort of bond one doesn't have "power" over the other but the man is allowed to me a man and the woman allowed to be a woman. I agree with that, the man should have his own life and not be under the thumb of the woman, but so should the woman. I don't think he needs to dominate the relationship or that the woman needs to be reliant on him. More marraiges stayed together when women always relied on men, but if they're only staying because they're dependent on the man financially or for other reasons, or they feel they need to 'stay in thier place' that's a negative thing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 They all involved an Alphamale. Every man I know that is in a happy and loving marriage with a woman that appreciates him is an Alpha type. I don't mean that they are cheaters, abusers or controlling but they are very strong and independent types who would never let themselves be under a woman's thumb. They have a life outside of the marriage, plenty of friends and their own hobbies which make them more interesting people. They treat their wives very well but they would never bend over backwards for a woman that gave nothing but drama. On the other hand all the men I know who are having marital problems or going through divorces are the so called sensitive types. Good post Woggle, but why are they referred to as Alpha male's? They sound like nothing more then well-balanced, which is the key to a happy and successful relationship. When you refer to them as "Alphas", you make it sound like that they are controlling, IMO. Just for the record, there is a huge difference between a sensitive guy and a doormat guy. A sensitive guy can also be a well-balanced guy. Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 I totally agree with this post! I think it is fantastic when a guy is a true alpha male - but not if the guy is also misogynistic (I think the two concepts can get wrongly blurred by a lot of people). I love dating an alpha male, as it brings out my feminine side and it makes me feel a lot happier, and also like we're a great team, yet I still dont have to compromise on a strong career, intelligence, etc etc....and I think the traditional roles in a relationship are the best...I also had grandparents who were just like this and they led an incredibly long and happy life together, and had such a happy household. But what usually happens, is that I end up taking the reigns and walking all over men that I date (and if I manage to walk over them, I will never get serious with them, as I dont respect them-maybe I like testing them to see how much I can get away with, lol, and its usually a lot!!). But I much prefer alpha types-I've only fallen in love with this type of man and its only ended for very complicated reasons such as unmaintainable long distance-and when I come across a guy with this type of strong personality, and we are compatible on other levels, its just the best thing, its great...! Wish there were more men out there like that! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 I agree with that, the man should have his own life and not be under the thumb of the woman, but so should the woman. .. In real life I don't see many relationships we're one partner doesn't dominate the other. In most unions you will see definitively that one of the two is running the show. There really is no "equality" per se. And actually the above applies to all types of relationships, not just romantic ones. Thats the way it is, get used to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 In real life I don't see many relationships we're one partner doesn't dominate the other. In most unions you will see definitively that one of the two is running the show. There really is no "equality" per se. And actually the above applies to all types of relationships, not just romantic ones. Thats the way it is, get used to it. Well that explains why you don't see any truly happy marriages. For a happy marriage, there are certain aspects of the marriage that the woman is better at and there are aspects that the man is better at and then there are some where both are needed to make it work, so in the end there is no domination. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 Husband is head, wife is neck Husband loves wife as his body, wife respects her husband And don't forget "surrender" Link to post Share on other sites
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