McFadden Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 I am missing the concept. I was somewhere with a friend and a guy I've been hanging out with, who I thought liked me. In fact I thought we might be dating even though it wasn't established. (BTW this is not the guy with a gf, or the young guy. I know a lot of guys.) Then he left and I said to my friend "did you see that, he is really into me yeah?" But my friend said that he was not flirting at all and he was talking to me 'like a guy friend.' We got into a conversation about flirting. She said that in her experience when a guy is interested he: - "flirts" - compliments you - makes fun of you in a "cute" way - touches you a lot - tries to impress you - talks about things you like I remembered another time I was at the movies with that friend and a guy she was dating. He was constantly poking her and throwing popcorn at her and stuff. She said that is how guys must act if they like you. Is that generally the way it goes? I've never been involved with anyone that it started off that way. Usually when I talk to guys it is about things we both like or things that are going on. When anyone talks to me in the above way it seems like, greasy, and reminds me of spicy hot lovers furiously gyrating at disco clubs in miami on a hot summer night or something hahaa. Anyway when guys talk to women youre interested in, or are on a date, how do you flirt? Do you usually have normal conversations about things also or just keep it to flirting? How do you talk to women you aren't interested in? Do you talk to them the same way as you would talk to a guy or just not talk to them at all? Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted July 10, 2007 Share Posted July 10, 2007 Your friend is right, which is what I usually do with a girl im interested in...but i think it varies slightly from person to person. And a lot of times it depends on which of the two people has the higher interest level. With girls im not interested in, i will just say 'hi' or talk/treat them like a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
halfarock Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 - "flirts" - compliments you - makes fun of you in a "cute" way - touches you a lot - tries to impress you - talks about things you like Anyway when guys talk to women you’re interested in, or are on a date, how do you flirt? Do you usually have normal conversations about things also or just keep it to flirting? How do you talk to women you aren't interested in? Do you talk to them the same way as you would talk to a guy or just not talk to them at all? It depends on the woman, the situation. Whenever I first meet a woman that strikes my fancy the first order of business is to get close enough to look her in the eye. It is like a test of sorts. I’m looking to see how she reacts, see what kind of vibe I get from her, see if she’s interested, to see if she’ll smile. I’m a firm believer in chemistry or whatever you want to call it. I just talk about whatever, whatever is going on, whatever is on my mind. I don’t think that it really matters. It’s the interaction, not exactly what is said. I know a lot of guys are into complimenting women and other love talk, but to me it seems to cause a lot of women to put up a guard so I never do it. I’m not so sure that there is a difference between the way that I talk to a woman that I’m interested in, a woman that I’m not interested in, and guys. It’s just that with the women who I’m interested in, that there is some subtle flirting going on. I suppose it is just the way we look at each other. I don’t tease or make fun of my girlfriend because I don’t think that she would appreciate it. Some girlfriends in the past expected, wanted me to tease them. It depends on the woman. I’m not sure what you mean by touching, exactly. With me, it’s part of flirting, in a way. It’s like when we’re sitting at a table and we’ll be bumping our legs against each other, or sitting so close that our sides touch, or when standing kind of leaning against each other. With the type of people that I normally hang out with, everyone is into hugging, when greeting, when departing. Men, women, kids, dogs, it doesn’t matter. But, you know, sometimes a hug is more than just a hug. I never try to impress a woman. I always figure that I’m impressive enough just walking through the door. If she hangs out enough, she’ll discover for herself just how great I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 It;s not so much what you say but how you look/act around each other. If I'm interested in a girl I give her lots of eye contact and I flirt with her ( sometimes in subtle ways, (touching, kidding around) and other times I am very forward in my flirting ). Your gf is pretty accurate in her analysis. There is just hanging out and talking and then there is wanting to be in each others company and being really into that person. You can usually tell the difference in the way they look at you and the energy between the both of you. I my experience if you have to wonder if they like you then they're probably just feeling friendly. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 Different men behave differently around women they find attractive. So don't take your friend's word as gospel. Also, bear in mind she might be jealous or trying to stir things, and therefore her advice might not be trustworthy. The only way to find out if a guy fancies you is when he he tells you, either by actions or words (e.g. trying to kiss you, or asking you out on a date). Everything else is unclear and ambiguous, there are no hard or fast rules. Personally I don't go in for prodding, throwing junk food etc. I think this is the sort of thing that clueless young people do, and I've never found it necessary for getting laid, let alone dating. You should thank your lucky stars that this guy doesn't need to behave like a 5 year old to get your attention. Next time you meet, do a little flirting, indicate by your body language that you are interested, and see how he reacts. This will give you a much better idea of what he feels. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author McFadden Posted July 11, 2007 Author Share Posted July 11, 2007 I see people have different styles but I'm starting to get the impression that its possible that no one likes me. Its kind of sad, because my mom and my friends think I'm popular because my phone is always ringing off the hook with different guys, but out of those I think there are only 1 or 2 that are interested in me at all. There was one guy I thought I had gone on a few dates with, but yesterday he called me to tell me that he got with a girl, the way he would tell his mom or something. I was pretty surprised. We have been hanging out a lot and he is always the one contacting me and acts a little bit flirtatious. How are you clear on when something is a date? When someone asks they usually don't say "would you like to go on a date," they say "would you like to go to the movies" or something along those lines. If you each pay for yourself is that a que that its not a date? Or if you meet there instead of the guy picking up? It used to be but now its not necessarily that way. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 Anyway when guys talk to women youre interested in, or are on a date, how do you flirt? Do you usually have normal conversations about things also or just keep it to flirting? I alternate between saying nice things such as compliments and saying sarcastic and/or egotistical stuff. Sort of like being a decent guy and an dickhead all in one. It usually works pretty good unless I drink to much and then I probably say too much mean stuff. How do you talk to women you aren't interested in? Do you talk to them the same way as you would talk to a guy or just not talk to them at all? I don't talk with them at all unless I have to for whatever reason. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author McFadden Posted July 11, 2007 Author Share Posted July 11, 2007 I alternate between saying nice things such as compliments and saying sarcastic and/or egotistical stuff. Sort of like being a decent guy and an dickhead all in one. It usually works pretty good unless I drink to much and then I probably say too much mean stuff. This is exactly how the one guy was acting who I thought I was dating. He seems like that wannabe Alpha Male type (he doesn't have it down yet) and is always saying egotistical stuff. He also is in contact a lot and if he doesn't talk to me for 2 days or so he complains, therefore I thought things were progressing. He asked me to go somewhere with him this coming weekend. Then he tells me "Oh (my name,) I am so happy. I finally got with (other girl's name.)" So I don't know what has happened. Maybe he was using me for Alpha Male practice ?! By the way I didn't really have feelings toward him, I would have broken things off anyway. I just am interested in what happened.. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 So I don't know what has happened. Maybe he was using me for Alpha Male practice ?! By the way I didn't really have feelings toward him, I would have broken things off anyway. I just am interested in what happened.. Is your ego that big that you must know why a dude you weren't even interest in blew you off? This is soooo typical female behaviour Link to post Share on other sites
I love hot men. Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 Is your ego that big that you must know why a dude you weren't even interest in blew you off? This is soooo typical female behaviour I kind of agree.....I mean this guy actually called to tell her that he wouldn't be dating her anymore and gave her a reason. There are SOOOOO many "why did he just disappear after a couple dates, that is so rude and I am confused" threads. This guy sounds OK, it just sounds like they weren't compatible and he found someone else! Link to post Share on other sites
Author McFadden Posted July 11, 2007 Author Share Posted July 11, 2007 Is your ego that big that you must know why a dude you weren't even interest in blew you off? This is soooo typical female behaviour Woah, people are getting the wrong idea. I am just interested in people in general so when something I thought was wierd happened I asked.. Apparently this guy still wants to hang out, in his opinion we were never dating. I want to be better at picking up ques as far as if people are interested.. But my ego is not injured, I was about to tell him I don't thing there was chemistry anyway. I was more worried that he thought we were dating than anything. Dating/guys is confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 I want to be better at picking up ques as far as if people are interested... but you're a girl....this should already be built-in functionality Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 I see people have different styles but I'm starting to get the impression that its possible that no one likes me. Its kind of sad, because my mom and my friends think I'm popular because my phone is always ringing off the hook with different guys, but out of those I think there are only 1 or 2 that are interested in me at all. That's one or two more than a lot of people have! Don't be sad! My phone sure wasn't ringing off the hook when I was your age. Wait--I didn't have a phone. Well the land line wasn't ringing either. I think it's hard to gauge these things in younger people because a lot of these guys don't know what they are doing or where their interests lie either. A lot of the posters here are a bit older and tend to forget what it was like to be constantly beating around the bush or changing your mind from moment to moment. People have a better idea of what they want and how to go about getting it as they age. It speaks well of you that lots of guys are interested in talking to you in a friendly capacity and that you can hold their interest and talk about things that aren't specifically girly or related to flirting. I was wondering, are you kind of a tomboy, maybe? In how you dress and the things you like? Sometimes that leads to guys perceiving you as one of them. I notice that younger guys (and even some older guys) are not very good at imagining what you could look like if you were done up all girly; they actually need to see it to get it, that's why there are so many of those stupid teen movies where the girl does some minor thing like take off her glasses and put on a dress and suddenly she's a babe. I think the way a guy talks to you will depend on what type of guy he himself is. I guess I would look to see how he communicates with people other than yourself and use that as a benchmark. How does he talk to his guy friends? If he talks to you the way he does them, then he's probably not interested in that way. I think that in your age group, there tend to be more guy/girl platonic relationships than at an older age, also, which makes things even more confusing. Don't know if that is any help, just hope you are not feeling down on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 And yes, in my experience, if it's a date the guy pays and generally picks you up, unless you live in some area where driving is not feasible and you are more inclined to take the metro and meet in a central location. Not paying and not picking you up when there is no extenuating reason not to would indicate it's not a date, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 But maybe times have changed? Shrug. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McFadden Posted July 11, 2007 Author Share Posted July 11, 2007 but you're a girl....this should already be built-in functionality Girls don't know how to read people's minds any more than guys! And if some of them can and I can't its not really my fault. I might as well wear a gigantic foam hat shaped like a question mark. According to everything I've heard guys don't usually pursue when they aren't interested sexually/romantically. So I assume that guys that come out of nowhere and make a point of being in contact with me a lot have a high level of interest and when they don't it is This isn't something that happened one time, it is recurrant. Maybe they are initially attracted but something I do later turns them off to being attracted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McFadden Posted July 11, 2007 Author Share Posted July 11, 2007 I was wondering, are you kind of a tomboy, maybe? In how you dress and the things you like? Sometimes that leads to guys perceiving you as one of them. I notice that younger guys (and even some older guys) are not very good at imagining what you could look like if you were done up all girly; they actually need to see it to get it, that's why there are so many of those stupid teen movies where the girl does some minor thing like take off her glasses and put on a dress and suddenly she's a babe. Kind of. If I am meeting up with a guy to do a casual activity (movie, going to mall) and things are in thier early stages I will not put on makeup or change for meeting up and usually be wearing my work uniform with a different t shirt, or skate gear if I have to skate there. I don't think I'm misrepresenting myself, because that's usually what I was wearing when they first saw me and asked me. I am unsure about whether you need to dress up or not for meeting up casually. Especially if its hanging out at each others house to play video games or whatever. In that case I will wear sweats or whatever I was wearing. But I see they don't change thier clothes either, so I don't know. I have probably really dressed up two times at my senior prom and at my parents (second) wedding. Both times I really got the I'm thinking of a plan here. For my birthday which is still in a couple weeks I might invite my friends and all of these guys and then dress up to the max. It will be like I'm making my own movie. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 If a guy talks to you, talk back. If he flirts with you, flirt back. In either case, it's a matter of style per guy. End result, if he asks you out, he's interested, if he doesn't ask you out, he's not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McFadden Posted July 11, 2007 Author Share Posted July 11, 2007 I don't really know when someone's asked me out is the main problem. The guy driving and paying thing has changed with the times for some guys but not others so its not even a que anymore. I want to just shake them and be like "Is this a date?" "Did you just ask me on a date?" How awkward is that though especially if they are like "Um, no." Other thing I don't get, is when a guy talks about other girls to you does that always indicate he's not interested? Sometimes they aren't and are just asking for advice, but sometimes it seems like they are bringing up girls to tease me or make me jealous. But I don't know which one it is most of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 There's a look and body language from a guy who's interested. He will make eye contact more, invade your space by standing a little too close, smile flirtatiously, touch you more, make more suggestive comments...the list goes on and on. If you're on a date, he will hold your hand, put his arm around you, act more possessively, stare more...hormones should be raging... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 Other thing I don't get, is when a guy talks about other girls to you does that always indicate he's not interested? Sometimes they aren't and are just asking for advice, but sometimes it seems like they are bringing up girls to tease me or make me jealous. But I don't know which one it is most of the time. He may be interested in her and not you, or he is playing the stupid game of purposely making you jealous. Why? I have no clue. Apparently that must work on some women, and if that is true, I bet that it is a very tiny microscopic percent of the female population. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 He will make eye contact more, invade your space by standing a little too close, smile flirtatiously, touch you more, make more suggestive comments...the list goes on and on. ... yes, his hand on your breast and a cheesy look on his face is a dead give away Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 Hey, hey, none of that stuff on the first date!! Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 Hey, hey, none of that stuff on the first date!! I am sure that there is a class of woman out there who insist on that on the first date. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 11, 2007 Share Posted July 11, 2007 You're probably right!! Btw, nice sig. Link to post Share on other sites
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