junie Posted February 25, 2003 Share Posted February 25, 2003 my boyfriend of 3 years and i applied to the same graduate schools and were planning on attending the same school. last week he started saying things like "i love you, but i'm not sure we're a good match" and "i'm feeling like i need to be single and free." he insists that he's not breaking up with me, only telling me that he's not sure what he wants. he also keeps insisting that its not personal, that he thinks i'm wonderful and would lead a happy life, etc. i'm depressed and anxious, not knowing where my future is headed. how do i cope with this? do i detach myself to prepare for the worst or is there anyway to influence his decision? my world has been turned upside down. please help. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 25, 2003 Share Posted February 25, 2003 You're a pretty lucky lady that your guy is giving this some serious thought. The very LAST thing you want in the world is to marry the wrong guy, have two or three kids, and get a divorce. He's young and has every right in the world to wait until the time is absolutely correct for him to settle down. And, when you're ready to settle down...and you may very well be ready now...pray with all your heart and soul that you select someone who is absolutely right for you. A person who is confused about his future and who isn't sure about you is certainly not the right person, in my opinion. Of course, I've been wrong before. Never prepare for the worst...prepare for the best. If it's best that he quit seeing you, wow!!! Yes, it's heartbreaking to have someone you care about break up with you...but what a joy it is to have some temporary sadness in order to avoid the major depression of a screwed up marriage. When you find the right guy, both of you will have no doubts. Don't even think about a long term partnership with anybody unless that is in place. What do you think? As far as graduate school, I think you've learned some lessons about planning your life around someone who may or may not be in your life permanently. Live for yourself and if others compliment that, fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author junie Posted February 25, 2003 Author Share Posted February 25, 2003 i definitely agree with you that it's completely fair for him to be questioning things. and yes, it's better now than later on. he's such a great guy and i love him so much. i'm not looking for a ring or anything like that, i'd just like things to continue on as they have been. it's a very difficult time. i'm not sure how to cope with this in-between stage. he's not acting any differently really, besides consoling me. i hate to act like a big baby but just thinking about him leaving me makes me very upset. i know not to be clingy, and not to become detached either, but its very hard not to show feelings of sadness or to try to cope with a possible breakup by telling myself that "its all for the best anyway." no matter how i try to cope i feel like i'm hurting our relationship even further. if i cling too much then i'm sure he'll feel less like committing. if i convince myself that this relationship isn't worth it if he's not sure about things, then i've self-destructed something that might have had a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
mememe Posted February 26, 2003 Share Posted February 26, 2003 I was in your situation last year during the X-Mas holidays. My boyfriend of three years was confused about our future together. Like you I was not looking for a ring, but wanted to be with someone who I had a future with. I was willing to wait around as well while he made his decisions about our relationship. So we decided to take a break. I was supposed to spend the holiday with his family but my plans got canceled due to our break. During our break I was miesrable. About a month into our break, I e-mailed him a letter telling him to make a decision as to where our realtionship was headed because I was not going to wait around any longer. It was either to our future together or a break up. He choose the latter. He told me that " he loved me and I made him happy", but he wasen't sure that he can give me what I needed. So we broke up. It's been a little over a month since the break up and we haven't had much contact. It's getting easier everyday. After our breakup he told me how hard this was for him. Just hang in there. I feel that 3 years is long enough to know whether you would want to share you future with this person or not. Don't keep hanging on. You have to make a dicision. Like the saying goes, if it's meant to be then it will work out. Otherwise, there is someone else out there who will cherish you and love you unconditionally and won't even think twice about sharing his future with you. Remember, whatever happens is for the best. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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