somewhat unsure of what i want and dating

[dvsxx6]

hey.. well lately i've been dating around casually and sometimes i feel so confused about what i want. i'm dating 3 people, yet nothing feels right. usually nobody can break my spirit cause i'm a pretty bubbly and confident person, but lately i've noticed that guys are more into the more mysterious women. and that causes me to sacrifice somewhat of who i am in a sense. i'm pretty open to change, so i've decided that it wouldn't hurt to explore different aspects of myself. i've become a little more reserved yet i'm still pretty friendly and flirtatious. the thing is, how do i differentiate between being mysterious and sexy with being non-talkative/assertive and boring? i think by talking and being open, that shows you're interesting and you've got a mind instead of just being eye candy or a pushover. i'm still pretty young, i'm 20 and i've got a lot to learn. i don't know how to be sometimes because i want to stay true to myself [outgoing, charasmatic, etc], yet i don't want to be too revealing too soon. i'm willing to learn about myself and other people. i've tried the whole being quiet thing, and i noticed a lot of people started talking to me more. why is it that because i'm pretty and i'm not bitchy and because I'm willing to engage in conversation that guys sometimes don't want to talk to me? but when i don't talk, THEY talk to me? i think it's some sort of a power trip. and now i'm just confused as hell. any suggestions/opinions? this was a bit long-winded, but thanks in advance to any replies/suggestions

[beautifulearth83]

I can relate to a bit of what you've mentioned through experience. You don't need to try hard to fit into what guys supposedly want these days or whatever. When you are yourself and you're outgoing and bubbly and confident, the magic and good feelings that you create are the mystery in themselves. Your attributes and true traits create natural and true mysteries and beauties. Closing up and holding back and repressing yourself will only make you boring and uptight. Explore new things. Let it loose! Be you.

[knaveman]

I always go with "be yourself" If women don't like me for who I am then we obviously won't work. The dry spell is bound to end eventually. Right?

[dvsxx6]

thank you for your reply Beautifulearth. What You said really holds a lot of truth and it reminds me of this quote I tell myself quite often. "Be yourself.. everyone's already taken" - Oscar Wilde. That always reminds me that though some guys may want me to be a certain way [just because they are selfish or they want control over me like i'm their property], I just have to either deal with it [if I feel it's worth it] or walk away completely. It's tough sometimes though, because my bubbly and carefree nature may sometimes be seen as vulnerable and somewhat naieve and that's why I withdraw at times. But I know better than to not let them break me down. I've got to be stronger.

 

One of the guys I'm dating is a lot older than me, [i'm 20, and he's 27] and he owns a real estate company and manages several other companies and he's very wealthy. Most times he treats me like a princess but I still feel like he's treating me like he's running a damn business! I'm already giving up on that. I can't subject myself to such a toxic person. I don't care about the money, I just want to be respected. But the thing is, I take some accountability for not being respected because I taught him how to treat me. If I were more assertive and not as naieve, maybe he would treat me with more respect. But then again, some guys are just natural born a-holes so there's no changing that.

 

anyway, thanks again for your reply, it was much appreciated, take care BeautifulEarth

[Trialbyfire]

Some good advice from other members. Be yourself and find the right fit. Set your boundaries for expectations of respect. If your guy won't meet them, you then have to decide if you're willing to live with not having the respect level that you feel is acceptable to you.

 

If you try to be someone else, it will only put more stress on your relationship because you're not only fighting your partner for each step, you're also fighting yourself, which is worse.

[dvsxx6]

I always go with "be yourself" If women don't like me for who I am then we obviously won't work. The dry spell is bound to end eventually. Right?

 

I agree. being yourself is the best way to do things. yah, maybe the dry spell would end eventually.. but when is eventually? Nobody really knows, and it's scary that you have to try people out, see how they are, and see if the compatibility factor is there. I think that the time to fix things is now, work on myself now and make the necessary adjustments to people and situations.

 

I think that life is about adjustments and being comfortable with uncertainty. I always find ways to improve myself for today. I don't know what'll happen tomorrow. I've met a lot of people in my short life, and sometimes being myself doesn't seem good enough. I'm not tryin to be pessimistic, just realistic. I guess I've just have to learn more patience...

 

Nobody ever said life was ever meant to be fair.

[dvsxx6]

Some good advice from other members. Be yourself and find the right fit. Set your boundaries for expectations of respect. If your guy won't meet them, you then have to decide if you're willing to live with not having the respect level that you feel is acceptable to you.

 

If you try to be someone else, it will only put more stress on your relationship because you're not only fighting your partner for each step, you're also fighting yourself, which is worse.

 

thanks trialbyfire. The thing that's a little unusual is that I know what I'm getting myself into by talking to these people. But at times, I feel that it'll make me stronger. By associating myself with some of these toxic people, I actually felt that it'll make me more able to survive in this world and to have more exposure to how f-d up some people can be. And also to discover how I would handle myself in certain situations. But I think that this is doing more harm than good, so maybe I'll throw out that theory out the window & now it's time for me to walk out. Thanks for the reply

[dvsxx6]

Attn: BeautifulEarth

 

If you're reading this, check your Validation post.. I replied to it. Btw. How is there a PM feature to this? or is that just for premium members?

[beautifulearth83]

Attn: BeautifulEarth

 

If you're reading this, check your Validation post.. I replied to it. Btw. How is there a PM feature to this? or is that just for premium members?

 

Thanks dvs, I replied to your post in that thread.

 

I think you have to turn PMs on in your profile/control panel and you can send PMs from there too

 

Hope all is well

[knaveman]

I agree. being yourself is the best way to do things. yah, maybe the dry spell would end eventually.. but when is eventually? Nobody really knows, and it's scary that you have to try people out, see how they are, and see if the compatibility factor is there. I think that the time to fix things is now, work on myself now and make the necessary adjustments to people and situations.

 

I think that life is about adjustments and being comfortable with uncertainty. I always find ways to improve myself for today. I don't know what'll happen tomorrow. I've met a lot of people in my short life, and sometimes being myself doesn't seem good enough. I'm not tryin to be pessimistic, just realistic. I guess I've just have to learn more patience...

 

Nobody ever said life was ever meant to be fair.

 

Not fair or easy, but it should be mostly fun.

 

An gf told me once, as she was breaking up with me, that I cannot make someone else happy until I can make myself happy first. She was right as much as I hate to admit it.